1. Please take 30 seconds to register your free account to remove most ads, post topics, make friends, earn reward points at our store, and more!  
    TalkBass.com has been uniting the low end since 1998.  Join us! :)

age difference in relationships...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by nataku, Oct 20, 2005.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. nataku


    Jun 21, 2004
    San Jose, CA
    Hey everyone, I'm a senior in high school, and I'm looking for relationship advice. I've recently fallen (hard) for this girl in one of my classes, and I've totally convinced myself to ask her out. I've never felt this way about anyone before, and a barely even know her. The only problem is...she's a freshmen. She's really mature for her age (14) but it still seems kind of weird. I'm afraid to talk to her about it because she (and everyone else) might think im some kind of weird pedo. I know when people are older, a 3-4 year age difference isn't a big deal in a relationship, but i'm not sure what people would think when we're this young. She went to homecoming with a different senior guy, but they're just friends. I know that she's looking for a relationship with an older, more mature person, but am I too old for her? I don't know what to do...please give me advice.

  2. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Leave her alone, and let he grow up.

  3. If senior = 18, like it is in Australia, then probably no. It's more, uh, 'acceptable' in 'older' couples because people tend to share the same interests, unlike teenagers. There's a pretty noticable gap between freshmen and senior interests, i.e. seniors are more into parties with alcohol, driving around, sometimes drugs, and the majority of freshmen, although they may say they are, aren't really interested in that kind of thing (yet).

    In terms of the 'pedo' thing, it's more about ages of consent. If you're a senior and are having an active relationship with someone younger than the age of consent (whatever it may be in the States), you could get in trouble lawfully as well. 'Could' being the operative word, though. You just have to be careful.

    Having said that, I've never been a relationship, so interpret that how you will.
  4. The Eristic

    The Eristic Supporting Member

    Mar 19, 2005
    Cartersville, GA
    Mature + 14 doesn't add up in most cases, but when it comes to relationships, it pretty much always = jail.

    Bad, bad idea. Not saying you can't be friends, but I would hold off on the dating thing. Seriously, as innocent as the relationship may start off, things can turn ugly real quick.
  5. nataku


    Jun 21, 2004
    San Jose, CA
    Thanks guys (and girl :) ), I guess I just needed to hear people to tell me to back off. It's definately not the answer i'm looking for, but I think that it's the right one. I still really like her, and I don't really honestly care what other people think, but i'm afriad of screwing her up. Sex isn't something im interested in until marriage, so it wouldn't really be illegal, but something's still wrong here. I don't know how it would affect her emotionally, and thats whats preventing me from talking to her the most. It would kill me so much if i hurt her. I guess i just need it pounded into my skull until i get it...
  6. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    It varies from state to state. In California, where the OP lives, it is 18.

  7. nataku


    Jun 21, 2004
    San Jose, CA
    Of course, if anyone has any differing opinions i'm still open to hearing them... :(
  8. Wrong Robot

    Wrong Robot Guest

    Apr 8, 2002
    It's kind of funny, right now, as it stands, society frowns on such a relationship. Yet, 10 years from now, when you're 28 and she's 24, no one would blink if you had 20 babies together.

    What do you want from this girl anyway? she's pretty young to be having sex(I know lots of girls are doing it at 13 and 14 these days but still), You can take it from me that you don't want to be her first. It will most likely make her obsessed with you, and that will cause way more problems and drama than is worth. Or it will just completely boff any otherwise platonic relationship you might attain. Just be her friend, hold her hand and kiss her on the cheek, is that not enough?

    On a side note, I'd like to take a moment to brag about the last girl I was seeing. She's 25, and I'm only 20. She has taught me that I am so done with young girls. :smug:
  9. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002
    I'm 41, my wife is 34. My Dad was 21 years older than my mom.


    The advice I have for you is "14 get ya 20"

    An age difference is no big deal when you are older. It IS a big deal when the girl is 14.
  10. Joey3313


    Nov 28, 2003
    When some dude I know hit on this 13 year old when he was 16, everyong that knows him gave him grief for it for about a year and a half...he still gets called a pedophile.

    My point is that when you are young, and still in school no less, the gaps that separate people seem bigger.

    Then again, I know some dude who graduated last year that was dating a chick who was 15...kinda like you, but he was a friggin perv.
  11. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay
    I dont think the age difference is that big a deal as long as you keep your bits and pieces out of her for at least a couple years.

    What I do think really needs to be mentioned is that if, "I've never felt this way about anyone before, and a barely even know her." then chances are that if you did get to know her you would realize that she is an anoying 14 year old.

    Another thing that needs to be mentioned is that you are a senior in high school and there is a good chance that you will be moving on to college soon.

    If that is the case, and you move out of town, then you need to face the pressure of a long distance relationship with a girl who is imature and will most likely feel insecure and inadequate next to the older more mature (physically as well as mentally) college girls that you will be hanging out with. She will feel that because you dont see her every day, that she isnt on your mind and that you will cheat on her.

    If you go to college but stay in town, you will proably still be meeting new people that she will be jealous of. Because she will still be physically close to you, you will probaly find yourself being smothered by her as she attemps to hold your attention while you are making more friends. You will miss out on a lot.

    If you skip college and go straight to work, then she will still suck as a girlfriend because she is 14.

    My point is an older girl has a better chance of being mature about any of these situations and not acting like a fool. Dont do it.
  12. sk-350-jailbait.
  13. Vince S.

    Vince S. Resident Former Bassist

    Jan 24, 2003
    I'm a senior in HS as well, and I would never date a freshman. I wouldn't go for a sophomore either.

    You being 17 or 18, and her being 14 is a big difference in high school. The older people get, the less the age gap becomes. A 14 year old has no where near the physical and mental maturity of an 18 year old. That, as well as it would be illegal, and you'd probably get a lot of "pedophile" jokes thrown your way.

    Short answer: It's not worth it.

  14. DaftCat


    Jul 26, 2004
    Medicine Hat
  15. zac2944


    Dec 28, 2004
    Rochester, NY
    Dude, go for it. You have nothing to loose. You have earned the right to date younger women; you're a senior. Remember when you where a freshman and the girls in your class wouldn't give you the time of day because they were too interested in some upperclassman? If you find out you don't like her, just dump her an move on. You're both kids; have fun and do what you want. Just don't make any babies, or get any diseases. You're only in high school once. Make the most of it.

    Keep one important thing in mind. You don't want a girl friend if you're going away to college. So if you do date this girl, be prepared to dump her around July. This will give you a little time to have some fun before you split town. I don't care how cool she is; dump her in July.
  16. zac2944


    Dec 28, 2004
    Rochester, NY
    Oh yeah, don't worry about that pedophile BS. If you were a 50 year old priest and you were having "special prayer meetings" with this 14 year old girl, then you would be a pedophile. Besides, you said it yourself, you're not going to have sex with her. You're in the clear.
  17. Figjam


    Aug 5, 2003
    Boston, MA
    Shes not as mature as you think she is.
  18. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    You're just jealous Scott that your girlfriend is not as mature as this other girl. :D

  19. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    London, UK
    nataku... cupertino high?
  20. Dan1099

    Dan1099 Dumbing My Process Down

    Aug 7, 2004
    That's only because you resist all the old men hitting on you here. :smug:

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.