Ahh...the glorious 'The Onion' weekly recap

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by DigMe, Mar 28, 2003.

  1. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Ok...I don't really do this weekly...only when there's a particularly good edition of The Onion.

    Here's a few headlines and pieces from this week (War in Iraq special edition):

    U.S. Takes Out Key Iraqi Bases In Midnight Raid


    U.S. Forms Own U.N.


    Sheryl Crow Unsuccessful; War On Iraq Begins
    WASHINGTON, DC—In spite of recording artist Sheryl Crow's strong protestations, including the wearing of a "No War" guitar strap, the U.S. went to war with Iraq last week. "Making the decision to go to war is never easy, but it's that much harder when you know Sheryl Crow disapproves," White House press secretary Ari Fleischer said at a press conference Monday. "It is this administration's sincerest hope that it can one day regain the support and trust of the woman behind such hits as 'All I Wanna Do' and 'Soak Up The Sun.'" Fleischer issued similar apologies to Martin Sheen, Janeane Garofalo, and Nelly.


    The Onion presents:

    Prescription Drug Safety Tips

    - Some people say you should not exceed the recommended dosage on the bottle. But, come on, it's medicine—it's good for you.

    - Stay away from that Lipitor s**t. It's like hosting a Filipino drag-queen knife fight in your skull.

    - Never mix prescription painkillers with alcohol, unless you like to party really, really hard.

    - Most people don't realize how much pharmacists enjoy haggling over the price of medications.

    - Most pills should not be taken on an empty stomach. Sprinkle a handful onto a salad.

    - If your pharmacist doesn't offer to have one with you right there in the store, the s**t's probably no good.

    - If you are ever in doubt about the safety of a particular medication, consult a qualified physician. He will be happy to pooh-pooh your concerns.

    - To reduce the risk of mix-ups at the pharmacy, bring a bat with a nail in it.

    Anyway...I hope that was a fun waste of time..as always - to see lots more visit www.theonion.com

    brad cook
  2. Wrong Robot

    Wrong Robot Guest

    Apr 8, 2002
    Yeah, I was there this morning...good stuff.
  3. Max

    Max Supporting Member

    Feb 14, 2000
    Bakersfield, CA
    The thing I love most about The Onion is that they lampoon everything and everybody. Nothing is sacred to those guys. I really admire their equal opportunity approach.
  4. Wrong Robot

    Wrong Robot Guest

    Apr 8, 2002
    yup, and they are pretty creative, and never TOO offensive.
  5. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Yup. They're kinda like the Simpsons in that way.

    brad cook
  6. Bard2dbone


    Aug 4, 2002
    Arlington TX
    My favorite was something like " Chinese Women Gives Birth to Septuplets -- has one week to decide which one she will be allowed to keep" or something like that. It implied that the other babies would be killed as a population control method.

    The reason this is funny is that LOTS of people took it completely seriously and were trying to adopt one of the remaining babies...the remaining FICTITIOUS babies.
  7. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta / Macon (sigh)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    LOL! I remember that! :D
  8. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Did you ever see that letter from some lady to Reader's Digest where she was writing in opposition to some article they had and quoted The Onion as a source of info, not knowing that it's a parody paper? Was that a run-on sentence?

    brad cook
  9. hujo


    Apr 18, 2001
    Stockholm, Sweden
  10. jazzbo


    Aug 25, 2000
    San Francisco, CA
  11. Brendan


    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    I liked the Point/Counterpoint this week. I'm not going into the politics of it, but I like it.

    "No it won't."

  12. Boplicity

    Boplicity Supporting Member

    I enjoyed the graphic of "New, Improved Weaponry" developed since the first Gulf War.
  13. Wrong Robot

    Wrong Robot Guest

    Apr 8, 2002
  14. xush


    Jul 4, 2001
    mobile AL
    wasn't there one about Harry Potter influencing kids to start covens or something, that was getting quoted a lot without the quoters realizing it was a spoof?
  15. Mikemike

    Mikemike Miscreant

    Jun 18, 2002
    Minneapolis, Minnesota
    "I did not wish to get 'funked up,'" said Roger Kleist, 33. "If I did, I would have attended a Dave Matthews Band concert."

  16. Point: You da' man!

    Counterpoint: No, You da' Man!

    U.S. sends very special forces to Iraq (includes picture of special ed students in an army play)

    Point: Nigeria is a country with a rich cultural history

    Counterpoint: Get Me out of this god forsaken Hellhole (nigerian resident)

    Three Kids Die after choking on parts from action figure, toy to be recalled ruining fun for everyone

    just a few of my personal favorites.
  17. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    "US orders Iraq to disarm before next weeks invasion".

    The onion has been very popular here in Austr. for a very long time. We have a naturally sarcastic sense of humour down here.

    If you like the Onion, you'll like www.chaser.com.au
  18. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    I wonder why my other "The Onion" recaps haven't gotten this many responses in the past. Maybe it's the title or something.

    The "Iraq vs. Kentucky" post got quite a few but that wasn't really a recap and those were more along the lines of "Hey, I'm from Kentucky, you jerk!" or "Hey, I'm from Iraq, you jerk. And the wrath of Allah will crush you!"

    brad cook

    ps - sorry if that last bit was innappropriate