Am I a sick bastard?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Mike Money, Dec 18, 2003.

  1. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    I just heard that my Grandma probably won't make it through the pnemonia she has had the past day or so...

    I'm not even on the verge of tears hearing this, in fact, I'm more or less relieved.

    She has had alzhiemers since i was 4 or 5, so when i became old enough to actually remember stuff, she was deteriorating. We had to put her in a home after a few years, my grandpa tried to take care of her, but couldnt by himself, and none of my dad's siblings could either...

    I haven't seen her since i was nine, maybe ten.. And i want to remember her in the semi-decent state she was in when i saw her... I refuse to go see her now, even when she is about to die...

    I dont want her to die, but i dont want her to suffer anymore either... Its weird... i want it all to be over... but i dont.

    am i sick?
  2. If you're sick, I guess I am too. My grandmother is 91 and has suffered from fairly severe dementia for the past decade, and was an alcoholic for 40 years before that. She's completely unable to walk now and doesn't want to eat. My dad is convinced that she's going to die very soon so he and I are flying down to Florida on Sunday and staying 'til Christmas Eve to see what's up.
  3. bill h

    bill h

    Aug 31, 2002
    small town MN

    I don't want this to sound wrong!!! buy you need to go see her for your family. It will make the rest of you family happy that you went. Nobody likes to see there friends and family sick or hurt, but it's part of life, just go and get it over. It will be something you will not regret as time goes buy.
  4. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan

    I'm a wuss and i would crumble... i know i would change, and i am afraid of how i would change... i should see her, but i really do not want to.

  5. bill h

    bill h

    Aug 31, 2002
    small town MN
    watch out for excuses... you might find one you like:eek: :eek: :spit:
  6. RicPlaya


    Apr 22, 2003
    Whitmoretucky MI
    No bro, I have seen people with that disease it's horrible. More than likley she don't even know her sourroundings if she has had it for that long, she don't know if anyone is even there. There is nothing wrong with not wanting someone in your family to suffer, and there is nothing wrong with being troubled by seeing someone in that condition. Everyone handles things like that thier own way.
  7. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    Go for the rest of your family, not just your Grandma. Your Grandma probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference. But, your Mom and Dad need your support. If your Mom or Dad were dying you'd need support from your siblings, friends, etc. So don't look at this as doing something for your Grandma. You're doing this to help your folks who are probably hurting and in need of emotional support.

    I know you'll do the right thing Mike.
  8. pineapple


    Oct 16, 2003
    lexington, ky
    it's normal for you to feel this way, especially for a relative that 1) you barely know; 2) who barely knows you and might not know you at all now; and 3) is suffering. i think you should go only if you think you will regret not going. your parents might need your support, so think about going just to be with them for a little while. they would do the same for you.
  9. Matthew Bryson

    Matthew Bryson Guest

    Jul 30, 2001
    When I was a young man, I didn't want to go see my grandfather laying in bed dying of Cancer.

    I went and saw him one time near the end.

    Now that all these years have passed, I am so glad that I went that one time. In looking back, I wish I would have spent every available minute by his side.

    Mike, I have never had a family memeber afflicted with alzhiemers, but I do understand what happens and it is a terrible disease. I will not say that I understand what you're going through. I do know however, that once she is gone - you stand a good chance of regretting the fact that you chose not to go see her. I would hate for you to make a choice that you could regret the rest of your days. I would suggest that you let your mom and dad know that you feel somewhat uncomfortable visiting, but do try to visit if you can. If you get there and find yourself very uncomfortable, simply esxcuse yourself. I suspect that in years to come you might feel better about having visited for 2 minutes than if you had not visited at all. I know that your worried that she won't recognise you or know you - well that doesn't matter! People say there good byes to grave sites all the time. Saying good bye to a loved one is something that is done for the living. Don't miss the opertunity to say good bye and get some closure. Of course you're a big boy, you'll decide what's right - that's my $.02.
  10. Mike - Go. Seriously. When my great grandma got REALLY sick and was diagnosed w/ cancer the doctors said she wasn't looking too good and might not live long. One day my grandma called and said she was looking better and might live till atleast after xmas. Well, my bro and dad went to see her and I went to a LAN party thinking "well, the doctor said she should live for a while and I'll be able to see her" - Lord was I wrong! 3 days later she took a turn for the worse and died and the last time I saw her was in her coffin at the funeral. I've regretted not going ever since. Mike, seriously, go see her if not for you or her than for your parents!
  11. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan

    My real issue is me wanting to remember her how she was... when she was semi-normal... I don't want to remember her as a balding, skinny vegetable who can do nothing except suck on a straw.

  12. My granpa is suffering from dimentia, and has rapidly lost his ability to walk.

    this all started becuase a coupla years ago he fell on some ice. he sat out in the cold for TWO HOURS. People passed, he remembers seeing people - but did they even ASK him if he was ok?! nope.

    so since then he has been getting worse and the way I see it he is on his last legs.

    i went to see him today in hospital, first time for a few months, he did not even know who i was, he was perky, which is cool, he was always a jolly kinda guy, but i could see that my gran was ready to cry and my dad wasn't lookin' too strong.

    you might change, but what doesn't kill ya usually makes you stronger.
  13. bill h

    bill h

    Aug 31, 2002
    small town MN
    I hate to sound callus, but that is a very selfish excuse, I tell you this from having ben there. It still haunts me to this day. Take the time and go for your family, It will give you a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Your family will think more of you and you will too.
  14. Just be glad you don't have to take care of her yourself,that would not be good...
  15. Euthanasia is legal in Holland.
  16. SoComSurfing

    SoComSurfing Mercedes Benz Superdome. S 127. R 22. S 12-13.

    Feb 15, 2002
    Mobile, Al
    You may think you don't want to see her like that, but pretty soon after she's gone, you'll be happy you did. I hadn't seen my grandparents in nearly a year when they were in a car accident that killed my grandfather instantly, and my grandmother 2 days later. I think about them all the time, each time wishing I could have seen my grandfather, and grateful I got to see my grandmother one last time, even if she was comatose and bruised. That's not what I remember. I remember how they looked all the summers I spent with them, and all the times they came down to visit.
    You'll be happy you saw her, and that's not the only memory you will have of her for the rest of your life.
  17. fourstringdrums

    fourstringdrums Decidedly Indecisive Supporting Member

    Oct 20, 2002
    San Antonio
    No, you're not sick. I just lost a childhood friend to Muscular Dystrophy. I hadn't seen him in years, but my mother saw him a few months ago and he was just a skeleton. He could barely breath.

    Its much better IMO to see someone who is that sick and dying, to just be at peace instead of suffering.
  18. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    I'm going to go to the hospital, atleast... if i get a chance, anyways.

    I'm going to try to go into that room, but I am not going to stare at her... I'm going to avoid contact as much as possible...

    *Smacks self* Jesus, money, grow some balls.


    Bloody hell. Why can't death be a fun thing? We need confirmation of a fun after life or something.
  19. Death is a fun thing, and if you don't think so-your living boringly.(damn thats a good quote, imma use that for my sig.)
  20. Quoting yourself in your sig would make you lame beyond all possible comprehension. Please don't.

    Hey Mike, go see your grandmother. I figure if I'm gonna pry myself away from home at Christmastime, you can too.