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Am I a soft touch?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Spikeh, Sep 5, 2005.


  1. Spikeh

    Spikeh Sex Strings

    Now, I'm a young lad (23) and I'm a bit shy with women... but when I do eventually get the guts up to ask someone out for a drink or something, they usually say yes (which is nice). I'm not ugly, and certainly don't have a bad personality. The same women are usually very flirty before hand, and still very flirty and friendly after I ask them out on a date... they give me all the right signals, constantly say how much they wanna meet me and generally give me a good feeling about it.

    But then what happens? They cancel the date because of something they've either forgotten, something that's just came up, or whatever? Then cancel the re-arranged one... and so on and so on... all the time being just as friendly and flirty and STILL telling me they want to meet me.

    I've just had another girl do just this to me today (cancelled the second date we've arranged) and she's full of appologies - telling me how much she still wants to see me, how fun it'll be, how sorry she is etc... the reasons are good reasons (well, the first date she just got her days muddled up?!), but I'm starting to believe that I'm either soft and they're testing the water, or it just happens to me?! Does it?! Whenever I get a date, I tend to work everything around it... it takes priority!

    It might be worth mentioning that I meet some of these girls on the internet and some in real life - it's happened in both circumstances! And also worth mentioning that I don't make a habbit of it - this is the first date I've had in about 2 years! :p I'm certainly not short of offers, but I'm very shy and very fussy when it comes to women!

    Does anyone else have this problem? What's happened if you have had it? Any girls out there mind explaining the logic if they're being sincere? Or even if they aren't! I can take critisizm, I'm a big boy now!
     
  2. This may seem out of nowhere based on your issue, but you're probably too nice, friendly or eager which creates a lack of respect. Try to be a little "hard to get".
     
  3. Trevorus

    Trevorus

    Oct 18, 2002
    Urbana, IL
    Have them schedule a date. And just tell them that it won't work for you. Maybe make it for the next week. Just be nonchalant about it. Don't sound overly excited, just be smooth. Don't agree to just any day, make it seem like you have to move some things in your schedule. It makes it seem like you are making an effort, but not being too excited.
     
  4. burntgorilla

    burntgorilla

    Jan 24, 2005
    Belfast
    Perhaps when they're still being friendly they're trying to blow you off in a gentle way. I'm incredibly bad at telling if they're being sincere or not, since I'm bad at subtleties in general, maybe you're like that?

    Or maybe there's some secret you reveal after a date or two that puts them all off? Seriously, there was some guy on that Queer Eye show that was like that.
     
  5. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    Shy and fussy. Yeah, chicks really dig that. But not as much as aggressive and easy.
     
  6. You're not a "Troy" are you? There is a thread here about him. :smug:
     
  7. Brendan

    Brendan

    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    I've found that fussy and aggressive is surefire plan.
     
  8. Spikeh

    Spikeh Sex Strings

    Well, I honestly didn't expect as many replies as this! heh...

    Hmm... all your advice is sound, but I'm pretty sure I'm playing it kinda cool, but still making her aware I'm interested. I'm not playing "hard to get" as such, but I did tell her if she cancelled on me again I'd just forget about it... she has done, and she's grovelling now... but I'm soft enough (or desperate enough? :p) to give her another chance...

    I've definitely pinned her down to dates - I've even said to her that I don't have time to be messed about (in those exact words) - that I have to make a "date" and stick to it cos I've got so much else on (which is in fact the truth!).

    The last date that was cancelled was last Friday - and now she's cancelled next Saturdays... so it's not like I'm begging her to see me every day... she's now changed it to Sunday next week... and she's grovelling like mad. This is the last text message I received from her:

    "I would never mess you about on purpose! What would be in it for me? I'm not that sort of person! These things just happen! 4ish ok, or 6? I hope I'm worth it too!"

    So as you can see, she sounds sincere... and I've got her wanting to make it up to me (I certainly haven't mixed my words with her today, she knows where I stand ;P).

    I'm not Troy, no... my name's Chris ;P And I don't get my friends to post / ask questions either ;P

    Argh... women just confuse me. Does it get any easier? :(
     
  9. When you're old enough to read a women like a book, you're too old to start a library. :smug:
     
  10. Knavery

    Knavery

    Feb 24, 2004
    Denver, CO
    I used to be a 'Troy', but now I just plain don't give a ****. Perhaps that's why I land more dates. I simply don't care. Maybe you should try that approach.
     
  11. Mike Money

    Mike Money Banned

    Mar 18, 2003
    Bakersfield California
    Avatar Speakers Endorsing Hooligan
    Heres the thing...

    You gotta be a bit of a jerk. You have to make them want you.

    Don't ask them out... buy them a drink, talk for a few minutes, act totally interested, then tell her goodbye and go back to your friends. If she liked you, she'll be in shock and chase you down. and stuff.


    there was some article about it... apparently it works. i never cared to try, but hey...
     
  12. kserg

    kserg

    Feb 20, 2004
    London, UK
    Slap her few times... it turns them on...
     
  13. slap her like a cowbell... :eek:
     
  14. What the hell?

    Don't schedule any dates, man. Make her want to go out with YOU.

    Stay busy, stay cool. If she's into you, she'll be attracted by you not having time for her.
     
  15. Nice one. :D

    As a member of the opposite sex, *dodges missles*, I'll say that we're not all insincere. I'm not. I think, in situations like these, it's far better to be honest than to string people along.

    Having said that, I must point out that I have never been on a date, nor in a relationship (obviously), so this muse is hypothetical.
     
  16. Brendan

    Brendan

    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    You're not missing anything.
     
  17. Just intimate human contact. But not like that's important.
     
  18. Brendan

    Brendan

    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    Not when you have the Internet.
     
  19. kserg

    kserg

    Feb 20, 2004
    London, UK
    and porn...
     
  20. Spikeh

    Spikeh Sex Strings

    I just can't bring myself to be false in any way - if I'm interested, I tell them... if I'm not, I tell them.

    To be honest, I act like I'm interested in girls sometimes, then just leave them to it. NONE of them ask me for a date - it's alway down to the bloke... maybe it's England ;P I mean, don't get me wrong, I've had some really successful dates, and some /really/ good looking / nice women... and I've had 2 long term relationships (6 years and 3 years), but it's always been me that's had to instigate it.

    Maybe I'm intimidating? When I get over the initial nerves I'm really confident... not cocky, but just talkative and flirty, and I'm a big bloke (16 stone, 6ft4, well built)...

    Porn does sound like a good suggestion for the rest of my life though.