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An Atom walks into a bar...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Microbass, Jun 3, 2004.

  1. he says OUCH! :rollno:

    however, after recovering he took a stool at the bar.

    bartender: son, why the long face?
    atom: i lost my electrons!!
    bartender: wow! are you sure?!
    atom: i'm +++++++++ve!!!!

    :ninja: :bag:
  2. A neutron walks into a bar and says "How much for a beer?"

    Bartender says "For you, no charge."
  3. Christopher Reeve walks into a bar.... :eyebrow:
  4. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay
    If this is offensive please take it down. Seeing as it's not based on degrading stereotypes or anything it should be fine.

    A man walks into the bar and orders 6 Tequilas. The bartender obliges and ask the man whats wrong. The man responds:

    "I found out my brother is gay today."

    The next week the man walks into the bar and orders another 8 Tequilas. The bartender obliges and again asks the man whats bothering him. The man responds:

    "I found out my other brother is gay today."

    Another week passes and once again the man ends up in the bar, depressed as ever. He orders 10 tequilas this time and the bartender obliges. As he's pouring the man his drinks the bartender says:

    "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?"

    The man responds:

    "Yeah, my wife."


  5. A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar...The priest looks over at the rabbi and says "hey, did you hear the one about us?".

  6. A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.


    Three blondes go into a bar, take a corner table, and begin ordering round after round. After awhile, the bartender gets curious and goes over to the table...

    "You ladies are sure celebrating over here, what's the occasion?" asked the bartender.

    One of the blondes looks up from her drink and says "We're celebrating finishing a jigsaw puzzle."

    The bartender looked confused and replied "Wow, that must have been some difficult puzzle to be partying like you are. How long has it taken you to finish it?"

    The second blonde replies "It sure was hard! It took us 3 months to finish it and that was sooner than they said it should take."

    The bartender was really curious now - "What do you mean it took less time than "they" said it should take?

    The third blonde answered this one - "Well, it took us 3 months to finish the puzzle but it said right on the box "4 - 6 years"
  7. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    A bear walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barkeep gives him the beer, and the bear pays with a $100 bill. The bartender tells his manager, "Look, this bear just paid for his beer with a $100 bill. What do I do?" His manager says, "Give him $3 back. He's just a bear, what the hell does he know?"
    So, the bartender gives him $3 change, and the bear looks at it, shakes his head and continues with his beer. To make conversation, the bartender says, "We don't get many bears in here." And the bear says, "At $97 for a f%$kin' beer, you won't get me back in here, either!"
  8. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Is it against the rules to stray from bar jokes? This one's kind of amusing:

    Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and
    the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an
    American sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the American kicked
    his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in
    the window seat said, "I need to get up and get a coke."

    "Don't get up" said the American, "I'm in the aisle seat. I'll get it for you."

    As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the American's shoe and
    spat in it.

    When he returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good,
    I'd really like one, too."

    Again, the American obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the
    other Arab picked up his other shoe and spat in it. When the American
    returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

    As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet into his shoes
    and knew immediately what! had happened.

    "Why does it have to be this way?" he asked. "How long must this go on?
    This fighting between our nations? This hatred? This animosity?
    This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes."

    brad cook
  9. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
  10. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay

  11. A man was staggering down the street. A policeman stopped him, asked for ID, then told him to go home and get some sleep.

    The man refused.

    The policeman insisted.

    The man refused again.

    Finally, the policeman took the man to jail for RESISTING A REST. :bag:

    Mike :D

    BTW, this happened in front of a bar. :p
  12. I read that in a magazine the other week...what was the magazine called though :meh: Oh yeah! PlayBoy :D They have good jokes in there.
  13. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay
    You read Playboy?!

    Actually I found it on a humorus website dedicated to college. I wont post which though since Ill get in trouble for some of the content there.

  14. WillPlay4Food

    WillPlay4Food Now With More Metal! Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 9, 2002
    Orbiting HQ
    A priest a rabbi and a one legged boy walked into a bar.

    The bartender looked over and said, "What is this, some kind of joke?!?"

  15. A really mean looking dog limps into a bar in the Old West.

    He orders a whiskey and sits down.

    The bartender nervously asks, "You new here in town?"

    The dog replies, "I come lookin' for the man who shot my paw." :p

    Mike :D
  16. Benjamin Strange

    Benjamin Strange Commercial User

    Dec 25, 2002
    New Orleans, LA
    Owner / Tech: Strange Guitarworks
    They have GOO jokes in Playboy?!
  17. A guy goes into a pub one Friday and orders three pints of Guiness. The bartender figures the guy's got some friends joining him, so he pulls three pints and gives them to the guy. The guy goes to a table and proceeds to drink all three pints, taking a drink from each in turn. After he's done, he pays up and leaves.

    The next Friday, he does the same thing. This goes on for several weeks. One day, the barkeep decides the guy's been coming in long enough that he's become a regular, so when the guy orders his three pints of Guiness, the bartender says "You know, if you want, you could order them one at a time. I'd be happy to bring 'em over to your table when you need a fresh one."

    The guy smiles and says "Well, actually, it's a tradition my two brothers and I started. One of them's a firefighter in New York, and the other is a Marine deployed in Afghanistan. We used to meet for a pint of Guiness every Friday night, but when they left we decided that wherever we were, we'd each order a pint for the three of us, and drink them in honor of each other."

    The bartender said "Hey, that's a great tradition. You're lucky to be so close with your brothers, even though they're far away."

    So this goes on for several more weeks until one Friday, the guy just orders two pints. The bartender immediately understands what must have happened - obviously one of the brothers fell in the line of duty. While the guy is drinking his two pints, the bartender wonders what to say. He doesn't usually talk much to the guy, but he's a regular and the bartender feels for him.

    When the guy finishes his pints and comes over to pay, the bartender says "It's on the house today. I'm so sorry." The guy looks puzzled. He says "Well, thanks, but why are you sorry?" Bartender says "You just ordered two pints today. That could only mean one thing - one of your brothers must have given his life in the line of duty."

    The guy laughs and says "You've got it wrong mate! My brothers are fine." The bartender says "So why just two pints today?

    "Oh," says the guy, "I stopped drinking."
  18. Melf


    Mar 20, 2003
    Starkville, MS
    Pretty disturbing implications there :D
  19. Nick Gann

    Nick Gann Talkbass' Tubist in Residence

    Mar 24, 2002
    Silver Spring, MD
    A baby seal walks into a club...
  20. lbanks


    Jul 17, 2003
    Ennui, IN USA
    Sick!!! [​IMG]