And so I found out she was seeing someone else...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by SirCanealot, Oct 25, 2006.

  1. So I was in a pretty happy relationship for about 10 months. then about a month ago she tells me she isn't sure how she feels about me any more. Blah, blah, blah. She even used "I still want to be friends" on me. It's my first relationship. I'm hurt, but I try to hope for the best but expect the worst. Then, a little while ago, I decided I wouldn't give up on her without a fight. I really like her, and didn't want to just give up. But lucky I agreed with myself that I MUST give up if I needed to.

    A while ago a "friend" of hers was staying in her house, whom she'd met off World of Warcraft (lived in the south of England; we both live in London)(And, meh, there's a few people I'd meet up with if they were down my end). A friend who also knows her talked to her, and he assured me that nothing was going on. This guy who talked to her is a guy I really respect and trust, so I thought if I couldn't take his word on what info he got out of her, I couldn't take anyone's. A couple of weeks ago (the last time I spoke to her, online), she basically said "I thought I told you how I feel... I just don't want any relationships right now." Then she also said she was "kinda busy" for the next couple of weeks. Then I call her house a few days ago to get "she's away and I'm not sure when she's back" from her mum (kinda like she'd been told not to say where she was). Then I end up googling for her user name to try and find a picture of her (friend was wondering what she looked like), and I end up finding:

    Yeah, "long distance relationship" indeed. And that's what you call a commute from London to the south. I'm very angry. Knew googling was a bad idea. So angry. Punching walls and growling for the first time in ages. So I call the friend that originally talked to her, who's been through this too many times, and talk to him. Feel less angry now, but I just can't believe the last couple of months.

    Hugely stressed from moving out, starting a new job (had to quit it because of this; it was already VERY high stress and workload), not being settled into this house.

    It's like some sort of god or something is just messing me around. Bad thing after bad thing happens, but then there's always something good to balance it out. It's like "I'll give you this, but..." or "I'll take this away, but..." Like, I was so pleased to get a job starting next week. Really happy. Then I find out this 5 days before I start. She's been leading me on for a month. She could have told me ages ago.

    The most annoying this is, my friend said this happened because I'm a good guy. I'd done nothing wrong and so this meant she didn't know how to tell me. If I treated her badly, she'd have been happy to tell me. I had that angry email ready, and I got talked out of sending it to her.

    Now I just have to do my best to move on and try not to wait to see if she eventually calls me. Even if she does call me up if this guy goes pear shaped, I really don't think I could take getting back together with her.

    I really like her, but it's amazing how much I've learnt about life these last couple of months. That's life, and now I have to pick up myself and keep moving forward. But I have to make sure I do this only for myself.

    I've never really tried to write much music or lyrics before, but I think I'll try and write a song about this. One day.

    I guess I should've known my first relationship would be a bitch no matter WHO it was with... But I'm just still so annoyed that I've been led on for a while month because she didn't have the guts to tell me. I suppose I would've been a LOT more hurt and angry about this if I'd found out a month ago, or even two weeks ago.

    God knows what I'm posting this, but I've seen a lot of good responses on this board, and all you guys are great :p

    Just gotta move on...

    Edit: Thank GOD I play bass. Gonna fire 'er up once I'm done forcing a sandwich down me and hit some distortion pedals :D (don't feel too much like eating right now)
  2. naja


    Oct 14, 2005
    East TN
    The older I get the more I understand that most people suck most of the time. Only some people suck some of the time. Those are the ones you want to get in a relationship with. If you're lucky enough to find one, and I'm sure one day you will.

  3. fourstringdrums

    fourstringdrums Decidedly Indecisive Supporting Member

    Oct 20, 2002
    Sorry to hear about that mate. I don't know how old you are, but I know that if she's the type who would cheat in the relationship, then she's not worth being with. You can and will find better, someone who would never do that in a million years.

    You have to make sure though that you don't let the stress run your life. Yes it hurts, but think of it as you're the good one in the situation. She will always have it over her head that she cheated. The worst thing you can do is let it affect your personal life, work etc.. because in the end it won't be worth it.
  4. :)

    She was certainly one that seemed to only sucked some of the time. But seems like she sucked a little bit too much this time (and that sounds sooo dodgy). Ah well.
  5. Matthew Bryson

    Matthew Bryson Guest

    Jul 30, 2001
    Breath in. Breath out. Now, let it go. I hate to be so blunt, but, get over it.

    Public Service announcement: Your first girlfriend and your first band are not supposed to work out long term. That is why you should be digging it while it's happening.

    You are really better off to just remember the good times, and move on. You'll be completely over her some day soon. That will be the day you meet your next girlfriend. And stop the cyber stalking of the ex-girlfriend. That's really creepy.

    I sound really cold. I really am sorry that you're going through this, but it's a part of life. I wrote a song about it:

    You take the good, you take the bad.
    You take them both, and there you have-
    The facts of life. The facts of life.

    There's a time you've gotta show that,
    You're growing now you know about-
    The facts of life. The facts of life.


    Okay, I didn't write the "song" and I don't remember the chorus… Hey, cheer up - feel better!
  6. pmaraziti


    Feb 12, 2006
    Not really the same but I was dumped once, maybe because of a third person, maybe not.. I don't even care to really find out...

    You move on, you find somebody else... as I was dumped , I decided to focus on myself and on things I couldn't do before.
    I decided to follow some passion, therefore I started playing bass... this passion is a keeper, music might make you happy, might challenge and stress you but it won't ever dump you !

  7. One of the things I can be glad of right now is that I find this out now rather than a few weeks ago. I've at least had some time to emotionally distance myself from her, and this has left me now feeling more confused than hurt.

    That's also what annoys me. So if, per chance, I'd had another relationship before this, this one might have worked out? That's a really annoying thought because I really like her and she's a nice person (though where this came from, I have no idea, and no care right now). Edit: Absolutely no point thinking about this, and dislike thinking about changing the past or the future anyway since it's impossible and silly anyway.

    And no way am I cyber stalking. Wouldn't even know the meaning of it, to be honest. Now registering under a strange name on that board and PMing her...

    Edit: and someone recomend a simple, very angry Metallica song I can learn to get some agression out :p
    I don't have kill 'em all or anything past the black album though.
    Yeah, music rocks. No girlfriend = I can practice scales for hours again.
  8. BartmanPDX

    BartmanPDX Supporting Member

    It's a trite thing to say, but "you're better off without her."

    I used to HATE it when people would say that, but in your case, I think it's most decidedly true.

    Anyone who cheats in a relationship has GOT to go. The odds of ever being able to fully trust someone who is capable of doing such a thing are slim to none. In the long run, it's better that you found out her true nature now, rather than later on.

    Play a lot of bass and hang out with your friends. In a few weeks or months, you'll be ready to move on and find someone more worthy to share yourself with. :)
  9. Lazylion

    Lazylion Goin ahead on wit my bad self!

    Jan 25, 2006
    Frederick MD USA
    If you're having anything like a balance, you're getting off light. Try 18 years, marriage and 2 kids, and she flushed it all down the drain.
    Not to belittle your plight, but it could be a lot worse, trust me.
  10. jady


    Jul 21, 2006
    Modesto, CA
    Dude, **** the *****!!!!! Dont sweat it, your young, your a musician, have fun, dont "what if" yourself to death. There is "the one you are supposed to be" with and all the rest. The rest dont matter, she was on of the rest BTW. the rest arent worth much other than a few good romps and drama. my .02
  11. i was taught to listen to the foo fighters in this situation.
    "done, done, on the next one i'm done and i'm on the next one..."

    etc :) that song is brilliant for letting loose. hit a jack, do a funk, then get on man. :)
  12. Bruce Lindfield

    Bruce Lindfield Unprofessional TalkBass Contributor Gold Supporting Member In Memoriam

    I was almost taking this seriously, until I read this ....:eyebrow:

    Well almost....;)
  13. VanillaO

    VanillaO Poop?

    Oct 14, 2006
    Toronto, Canada
    Dry your eyes mate, there's plenty more fish in the sea ;) (that should ring a bell what with you being from that neck of the woods)

    Seriously though.. women suck.. I agree. Had a problem like this with my ex-girlfriend and unfortunately my ex-best friend. They both deserve nothing short of death.
  14. McHack


    Jul 29, 2003
    Central Ohio!
    But, when that MF'ing game affects peoples REAL lives, it becomes all too real. I'm leaving a woman, because of what Warcraft enabled in my soon-to-be-ex-wife.
  15. Bruce Lindfield

    Bruce Lindfield Unprofessional TalkBass Contributor Gold Supporting Member In Memoriam

    :speechless: :eek:
  16. +1 on that Street's tune!
  17. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    San Jose, CA
    How can you be so blind? Even Ann Frank could see that coming. You are level 4 she is level 8, it would never worked out. She needed to be with someone more on her level.
  18. fourstringdrums

    fourstringdrums Decidedly Indecisive Supporting Member

    Oct 20, 2002
    Ann Frank wasn't blind. Don't you mean Helen Keller? :)
  19. markjazzbassist

    markjazzbassist Supporting Member

    Apr 19, 2005
    Lakewood, OH
    sorry to hear about your loss. there are plenty of sexy women out there, you'll be with one in no time.

    "don't sweat the frail ****"

    - my best friend drew says this all the time
  20. Baryonyx

    Baryonyx Inactive

    Jul 11, 2005
    Marathon Man
    Sounds like you were onto a real winner there :rolleyes: Meeting guys off WoW? Get real. Yeah, so some tart dumped you. Just be glad it was only 10 months, not 10 years.

    Also, that bit at the end about putting the bass on with a distortion pedal sounded quite wussy. If you were really mad, you'd already be on the train, with A.C's "Women: Nature's Punch Bag" on repeat.

    Believe me, there are more women in the world than you can beat off with a hobnailed boot on a stick. I'm assuming you're young, and in time you'll laugh about this, I suppose.

    Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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