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Angry vent. Grrr.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Leinad, Feb 14, 2004.

  1. Alright I've seen people vent before here because there was no-one they could talk to in "real" life. I've never thought about doing it before, but something's made me very angry, so I figured I'd blow some steam, if ya don't mind.

    About a month ago, one of my friends emailed me and told me that her dad had hit her. Obviously I replied with due concern, asking her who she had told, what her mum had said, was she ok, and so on and so forth. Turns out he hit her only on the arm, enough to bruise but not too bad, and she was more shocked and upset emotionally than physically hurt. She said she told no-one but me, not even her nan (who she is very close to) or her mother and siblings. Just me. Then swore me to absolute secrecy, because "he's never done anything like this before, and I don't think it'll happen again, I just needed to talk about it" So I let it alone, told her to tell me or anyone if anything happens again, said she can talk to me about it whenever, door-is-always-open kind of stuff. BTW, he hit her because she used his computer without asking him first.

    Anyway, last Sunday she texted me, told me it had happened again. She was on the computer once again, and he caught her, started screaming and stuff, told her nothing he brings into his house is hers, and told her to turn the computer off. When she tried, the screen froze, and he pushed her off her stool and kicked her in the arm, then stormed off. Her mum had seen this happen, and her little brother and sisters had heard it. Unfortunately, her mum isn't going to do anything about it, just told her to avoid her dad and not piss him off anymore. And apart from them, I'm still the only one who knows. And I'm not going to interfere in her life for her, I'm just not like that. And therein lies my dilemma.

    What happened next made me unbelievably angry. Her dad was making chips on Monday night, and left the chip pan on. So, eventually it boiled over and sprayed chip pan oil and fat on the curtains, walls, everything really. House went up in flames of course. Everyone got out alright (thank God for fire alarms) but the house and it's contents are destroyed. She's now living in a rented house, and has no possesions except her phone and the clothes she was wearing Mon night. She's got some clothes from neighbours as well. House insurance will cover everything, but obviously it's a terrible thing to have happen. Especially after all that's already happened. It's just the unfairness of it all that makes me so pissed.

    So that's me done. Strangely enough, I do feel a bit better. And it's not even my problem. Thanks for listening. And sorry for the length of the post. Dan.
  2. Bet you a nickel the fire was caused by Karma...
  3. I'll raise you a dime. I don't actually know how much a dime or a nickel is anyway! Maybe my friend'll get some of her share of karma soon. She could definately use it.
  4. Yep, that's how karma works. He claimed "Nothing he brings into his house is hers". Therefore, he now has nothing.

    I am happy to hear nobody was hurt in the blaze. I think anytime a man strikes a woman (child or other) in that manner, they are a coward inside and will eventually reap the retribution of their actions. That's not a real man.

    It's nice to have material possessions, but that's not what life is about. And if you can't share with your own family, who can you share with?

    Tell her to hang in there and do the best she can. That's all anyone can expect.
  5. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Outside of a moshpit, it is never acceptable for a man to strike a woman.

    It has probably been happening to the mum for years if she had the kind of reaction.

    On a side note......Leinad.....a nickel is worth five USA pennies, and a dime worth ten USA pennies......not much.....a USA dollar is 100 pennies....the penny is the lowest valued denomination in USA currency.

  6. Yeah she told me that's what she's gonna do. If she goes to anyone in a position of power, there's a good chance of social services getting dragged into it, which would screw up her family, could leave her mum on her own, and with 2 young kids, 2 older kids and no job, not very wealthy to begin with, and now in a way homeless, that's not a good option. I'm just kinda worried about the younger kids. She hasn't said anything to me about them, but if her dad turns on them there's very little they can do. If it turned really ugly, she could always leave, but they're only 5 and 8. :(

    MJ, I thought cents were lowest valued denomination you had. Or are they the same thing? Before Euro, a penny was our lowest valued denomination too, I've just never heard an American call them pennies, always cents, thats why I'm a wee bit confused :confused:
  7. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    A USA penny is equal to one cent. People still use cents, it is just that the coin used to equal one USA cent is called a penny. A USA nickel coin is equal to five USA cents, the dime coin is ten cents. But I do say fifty cents, or will say five dollars and thirty four cents. All cents are small metal coins. No one says five dollars and thirty four pennies, although you could.

  8. dang. well, im sorry for your friend. life is stupid.
  9. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
    buy her dad "windows washer" or other such program and he won't be so paranoid about others playing with his computer. :)
  10. Figjam


    Aug 5, 2003
    Boston, MA
    Ah yes, pure irony at its best. Take that.

    As for your friend, that really is unfortunate. Maybe this experience will bring the family closer together and the father will realize it is better to have lost his 'computer' than his daughter.
  11. Hmn, what a case of karma if I ever saw one. It's too bad in this world a man can be stopped from seeing his children and his wife after abusing them, but it leaves them without the financial support they once had. It's a catch 22.
  12. I feel sorry for her.

    I wish the family the best
  13. Tim Cole

    Tim Cole

    Jun 12, 2002
    Findlay, Ohio
    First off, let me state that even though I believe firmly in physical discipline, child abuse sucks. Secondly, "believe none of what you hear, and half of what you see" applies a in a lot of these teen abuse claims, be careful. I've read other posts here where the third parties involved were going to put some rambo type plan together, save the world, yada yada. All you can do is be a friend, and help her to make the right decisions, DO NOT GET PERSONALLY INVOLVED.

    Yeah she told me that's what she's gonna do. If she goes to anyone in a position of power, there's a could chance of social services getting dragged into it, which would screw up her family

    Social services screw up her family? Sounds to me like it is plenty screwed up on it's own. Counseling can only help, not hurt!!!! If she is being honest with you, it sounds like this is needed. Doing nothing is sure to escilate the situation.

    Lastly, while there is no excuse for any kind of abuse, there are also two sides to every story.
  14. (1) That's been running through my head a lot as well. She's a very good friend, and has been for a while, so I'm probably unable to make a fair assessment on whether she's telling the truth or not. She's shown me bruises, which could mean nothing or everything. I do know that she's not an attention whore, and is sensible enough to know that stating this kind of stuff is no joke. I suppose that's where trust comes into it.
    (2) That's pretty much what I'm trying to do. I've let her know that she can talk to me whenever, and she has been talking a lot about it. She's told me that she can ride it out until she can find somewhere else to live, she has a few options there. I don't intend to interfere in her life for her, unless I'm asked. If she asks for help then I'll do what I can to help, what sort of a friend wouldn't?
    This is where her problem is. She realises that if social services try to help, the only two options are (i) keeping the father away from the family, which as Smoke'n'Mirrors said leaves the family in a bad way with no financial support save the dole, or (ii) to put her somewhere else, which would leave the other kids open to the same sort of abuse she's been suffering. She's told me she'd rather play it out as long as she can until things get too bad to handle anymore.
    (4) I know, I know, but like I said, as a friend my sympathies would lie with her first. And after managing to burn down their house, I wouldn't be to fast to be on her dad's side either. But it's always a possibility that some details are left out, so that's why I'm not running in with all guns blazing.
    So I guess I'll just leave it until it blows up again. Thanks Tim and everyone for the advice and sympathies. Dan.

  15. im going to start saying money like that.
  16. but on a more serious note.

    that happened to one of my friends once, social security got involved alot and now her dad lives somewhere else.

    i tried not to bring it up because if i did, she would start crying, so all i knew was that when her dad lived with her she stayed at my house. alot

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