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Another 2 Band Question

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by capnsandwich, Sep 19, 2008.

Which direction should I go in?

Poll closed Oct 19, 2008.
  1. Stay until my wife has the baby and then quit, giving them time to find another bassist

    1 vote(s)
  2. Quit now, letting them down but not allowing them to get too attached to me

    1 vote(s)
  3. Help with recording their cd, thus getting my foot in the door as a session player in his studio

    8 vote(s)
  4. Stay in both bands and do the bar gigs despite what everyone has to say

    3 vote(s)
  1. I've been in a Christian prog rock band for about 3 years now but have only done 3 gigs since we've had trouble keeping band members. We play some pretty challenging stuff so many musicians who play with us either can't hang or want something that requires less work/commitment. We have had 3 members steadily for 3 years but need 5 to complete us. We finally have it all together and everyone seems to be excited about what's happening but I've seen this before and I'm not getting my hopes up just yet. We only practice once a week and while I loves these guys and consider them close friends, I'm just not getting my music fix playing once a week or every other week in this band alone.

    2 weeks ago I get a call from a guy who heard from someone else that I was a good bassist. I've never heard of this guy or his band but was honored that he called me and was wanting to meet me. So I went to his house and met him, played some of his tunes, and he was astonished that I learned them so fast and played them well. He's had problems in the past with bassists that are slow learners and that have no natural sense of groove. A couple days later I went to his studio that he owns, a really cool one too with a lot of nice equipment, and jammed with the rest of the band. They loved me and thought that everything I was doing was perfect and really added to the music. I actually felt like a needed commodity instead of a disposable hired hand, not that I've ever been treated like that in any band that I've ever been in but I almost expected to feel that way at first. They practice 2-3 times per week and their music is easy and fun to groove to, something I'm not used to being in a prog rock band.

    The cons to being in this band is that it's not a Christian band and my personal convictions make it hard for me to do bar gigs, something that this band wants to do in the near future. Also, I'm the youngest guy in the band and these guys are playing stuff that sounds a lot like Tom Petty which is not really my cup of tea but hey, I get to play music. I also play in my church, which kind of frowns on playing in secular bands. Also, my wife is pregnant with our second child and I know that once he/she is born that I'm going to have to quit this band and I don't want to lead them on and then drop them. They really like the way I play and I feel like I'm doing some good to a band that needs someone like me.

    So here's the question, which way should I go with this? Should I A: play in both bands until my wife gives birth and then quit, giving them ample time to find a permanent bassist B: quit now and let them down now before they get too attached, C: help the band leader/studio owner with recording his cd's and try to get my foot in the door as a session player in his studio, or D: stay in both bands any way and do bar gigs? Like I said, I love playing music but I'd rather be playing in a different band but this is what's on the table right now so I'm going with it.
  2. I vote C since you really can't commit due to your family & church obligations.

    I sense that you are reacting to the warm fuzzies you got from playing with new people who reacted positively to you and your bass skillz. :D :cool: That is understandable! I also sense your flustration with your prog band and why you want to find more opportunities to play. But, your personal convictions, your church frowning on secular bands, wife expecting...I think C is a good choice.

  3. bassman314

    bassman314 I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process...

    Mar 13, 2005
    Bay Area, CA
    +1 on this. Also, if your personal convictions keep you from doing the bar scene, then you need to stay true to your personal convictions. If your church has an official policy about not being involved with the bar scene, etc., then likely, you need to follow that as well. I know several churches that go as far as require all staff (from the Senior pastor down to the janitor) as well as all volunteer leadership to commit to abstaining from alcohol for a variety of reasons. If there isn't anything official, doing the CD gig, helping them get a foot in the door (and make sure you get a contract on any royalties) can provide a ministry opportunity to that band, as well.

    You're totally right in that you can't ethically sign on for the long haul for all of the reasons you gave above, especially regarding a new kid. It's not fair to them, and it's not fair to you, either.
  4. El-Bob

    El-Bob Supporting Member

    Oct 22, 2006
    Hamilton, ON
    I can't say i have any real experience with this gigging and band stuff, but i really really think you should listen to your convictions, because if you're feeling convicted now and you ignore it, it can easily get alot worse. and that is something that i do have experience with :p
  5. +1 If this is your 1st child, then it will radically change your life and there is no way you can commit to two bands, or probably even one.
    And you shouldn't get involved in bar gigging if it is against your convictions. You'll probably just end up hating it.
  6. IanStephenson

    IanStephenson UnRegistered User

    Apr 8, 2006
    Not big on communion then?

    One of the local bar's in the town where my family live IS the church!!! Seriously the church has it's own bar in the grounds! Abusing, not abstaining, and playing a bar are three very different things. Draw your own line. (Would you be OK playing in a Christian bar? ;-) If there was an plumber in the church would he be allowed/feel bad to fix the pipes at a local bar?)

    More seriously, two bands and kids is going to be tough. I kept one gigging band going through two kids, and overall it was a pretty important outlet (and extra cash is nice), but is tough, and caused problems a few times. Not sure what the right answer is for you, but I'd start by discussing your commitment/issues with the bands, and see what they want to do, then keep the one that you enjoy most and has a time limit you can manage post-baby.
  7. Stumbo

    Stumbo Wherever you go, there you are. Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 11, 2008
    the Cali Intergalctic Mind Space
    Song Surgeon slow downer software- full 4 hour demo
    From recent experience, having two kids, especially a new born, is 3 times the work. If your wife doesnt' have help, you'll be the one taking care of her (until she recovers from giving birth), your new born (with minimal assistance from your wife) and your 1st born.

    When your wife recovers and is able to take care of the new born 24/7, guess who will be taking care of the 1st born and taking care of the marketing/house work/etc.

    IME, you won't have time for any bands.

    Realistically, I'd let both bands go.
  8. So yesterday I went ahead and went to the studio about a half hour early so I could tell the band leader what my plans were. I told him about my wife and how I wouldn't be able to be in 2 bands after my wife has our second child but I did say that I would be able to help him out with a couple gigs and any recording he would need me on. He was very grateful that I let him know this early and glad that I would still help him out so I'm still jamming with them for now, I'm still on good terms with the band, and I got my foot in the door to do some recording for this project an others that he may want me on. Looks like a win-win situation!!!:hyper:

    Thanks TB for the support!
  9. Darkstrike

    Darkstrike Return Of The King!

    Sep 14, 2007
    Late, but cool,
  10. alapantera


    Mar 22, 2004
    Sounds like a pretty good resolution to the situation. Another bonus, this band will think of you first if they ever need to look for a sub. So, potentially even more work for you down the road. :)
  11. bassman314

    bassman314 I seem to be a verb, an evolutionary process...

    Mar 13, 2005
    Bay Area, CA
    WIN all around! :hyper:
  12. El-Bob

    El-Bob Supporting Member

    Oct 22, 2006
    Hamilton, ON
  13. Good for you, man! :cool:

  14. Eilif

    Eilif Holding it down in K-Town. Supporting Member

    Oct 1, 2001
    Good Man,
    It sounds like you handled the situation very "professionally" ;) You let everyone involved know what the situation was, and what you could commit to. Everyone apprecates folks who are upfront and honest. It also sounds like you will be able to bow out gracefully should you find that bar gigs tweak your convictions.
    It's good that you didn't drop your first band, because once kid # 2 comes around a weekly gig may be all you have room for.
  15. Stumbo

    Stumbo Wherever you go, there you are. Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 11, 2008
    the Cali Intergalctic Mind Space
    Song Surgeon slow downer software- full 4 hour demo
    So you're going to still be in one band? And the recording sessions/extra gigs? And play at church?
  16. For now, yes. My wife still has about 7 months to go so I've got to get as much playing time in now as I can. Once she has the 2nd baby and we bring him/her home then I'll start cutting out certain things. Music is a ministry, not just a hobby, so I can't just up and quit unless the Lord lets me know that's what he wants me to do. I may step back for a while from church and even from my main band, but I really don't see myself stopping all together for good. Plus my wife wants me to play. She knows it's what I'm called to do so she's all for me making music. That's one of the big things that made her want to marry me.

    Believe me, this one band that I'm in doesn't do anything but practice once a week in another studio so it's not like it's a big time gigging band like most. We've been together for 3 years and I've done 3 gigs so I think I'll be alright with that.
  17. Stumbo

    Stumbo Wherever you go, there you are. Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 11, 2008
    the Cali Intergalctic Mind Space
    Song Surgeon slow downer software- full 4 hour demo
    Sounds like you take good care of your family. Best of health to all of you.
  18. Audiophage


    Jan 9, 2005
    Don't let them slam the door on your foot.
  19. Thor

    Thor Gold Supporting Member In Memoriam

    :( No need for that.

    Get it while you can, life is going to be awfully busy for you
    very soon. Good luck with it.
  20. You cats are amazing. You gave sound advice and didn't disrespect the man's beliefs. I don't see much of that on the Internet these days (or in the political discourse, for that matter) and so I'm proud to be a member of this community.

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