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Another Duncan Fry Special...........

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Petebass, Oct 22, 2003.


  1. Petebass

    Petebass

    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    Another story from Australian sound engineer Duncan Fry:-

    "The gig was called Metal for Melbourne - a celebration of Heavy Metal music from eight bands who would have won prizes as Spinal Tap clones, but in this case they weren’t intending to be funny!

    One of the guitarists called me up onto the stage, and gestured at his Marshall quad box.

    "You’ve only got one microphone on it" he said, pointing at the single 57 aimed at one of the upper speakers.

    "Yes, that’s right, one microphone," I agreed.

    "But I need two microphones so it will be in stereo!" he said.

    Talk about a little knowledge being a dangerous thing.

    "So if I put four mics on it you’d have quad sound, is that right?" I asked, but my sarcasm went ‘Whoosh’ straight over his head. His eyes lit up.

    "Jeez, do you reckon you could? ****, that would sound unreal, eh!" Smiling to myself I put another mic on the same speaker, draped the lead around the back of the cabinet and just curled it up next to the stage box.

    The show was to be introduced by Beastly Barry, a huge guy dressed up as a heavy metal Viking. Big fur jacket, pants and boots, horns sticking out everywhere, plus a couple of sets of chromed exhaust extractors sprouting from his armpits. He was also loaded for action with firecrackers up his sleeves.

    The plan was simple. He would stand behind the curtains, be introduced over the PA, the curtains would open and he would stand there, backlit with arms upraised, and set off the crackers to get the show rolling. It was a good dramatic concept, as concepts go. And naturally it was doomed to failure!

    Anyway, Beastly Barry got himself all set up behind the curtains, ready to go.

    The house lights went down.

    "And now, ladies and gentlemen...” went the announcer in his best mid Pacific baritone -"Beastly Barry!"

    Beastly Barry whispered to me.

    "OK mate, open the curtains now!" So, I yanked on the rope and the curtains swirled and opened. Unfortunately, one of the horns on Beastly Barry’s head or one of his extractors got caught in the curtains and he started to get dragged across the stage, yelling "Hey - **** - stop - hey - **** - I'm ****** caught - stop!"

    As he started to topple over, he threw his arms in the air to try to regain his balance. This set off the firecrackers up his sleeves, shooting sparks on to his beard and fur, which immediately started to smoulder.

    "**** - I’m ****** on fire" he yelled, waving his arms around and thumping himself to stop the sparks from spreading, which only had the effect of setting off more firecrackers in his face as he did so.

    He kept yelling as he whirled around on stage, crashing into the first band who were set up on stage waiting to start! As he tried to get up he found he was caught up in the band's drum kit, and staggered to his feet with a couple of cymbal stands added to his original collection of hardware.

    God knows what it looked like to the audience. Silhouetted against the light, leaping around with bits of drum kit tangled up in his hardware, and sparks flying out of his sleeves, he must have looked like an electric Attila the Hun with his fingers stuck in a power socket!

    Finally he disentangled himself from the curtains and the drumkit, and staggered off backstage, still yelling .

    The audience stood there like stunned mullets, not knowing what was going on, and then one by one they started clapping and cheering until the whole place was in uproar, yelling and stamping their feet and calling out "More - more!"

    We put the drumkit back together, and after a minute or so Beastly Barry came back on stage, beard dripping with water. He thrust an arm in the air, gave the 3 fingered clenched fist salute, grabbed a mic and yelled "METAAAAAL!" The audience responded with a cheer, the band ground into action - the show had started.
     
  2. Phat Ham

    Phat Ham

    Feb 13, 2000
    DC
    lol :D
     
  3. My O My, wish I'd been there to see that. LMAO.

    :D :D :D
     
  4. DB5

    DB5

    Jul 3, 2001
    Austin Texas
    :D :p That is funny
     
  5. PollyBass

    PollyBass ******

    Jun 25, 2001
    Shreveport, LA
    Whats the problem? Sounds like an awesome gig to me!

    (You did get paid after all, right?)
     
  6. Razor

    Razor

    Sep 22, 2002
    Dallas
    Dude....that so rocks!! I would have loved to seen that!