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any Seinfeld fans out there?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by newbie16, Jul 5, 2004.

  1. newbie16


    May 31, 2004
    N. VA

    i thought it would be fun to post a few of our favorite quotes.

    here's one of mine, its from the episode where george takes the nude pics and gives them to the lady at the photo shop.

    Jerry : So were going to make the Post Office pay for my new stereo?
    Kramer : It's just a write off for them.
    Jerry : How is it a write off?
    Kramer : They just write it off.
    Jerry : Write it off what?
    Kramer : Jerry all these big companies they write off everything
    Jerry : You don't even know what a write off is.
    Kramer : Do you?
    Jerry : No. I don't.
    Kramer : But they do and they are the ones writing it off.
    Jerry : I wish I just had the last twenty seconds of my life back.
  2. vbass


    May 7, 2004
    Bay Area, CA
    Elaine: "So, what you are saying is that ninety to ninety-five percent of the population is undateable?"
    Jerry: "Undateable!"
    Elaine: "Then how are all these people getting together?"
    Jerry: "Alcohol."
  3. Kavorka


    Mar 28, 2002
    Austin, Texas
    Newbie, you knew I was going to reply to this!

    One of my favorites was when Jerry was dating the dermatologist:

    Sara: Restaurant, flowers...this is so nice.

    Jerry: Well, I'm a classy guy. How's the life saving business?

    Sara: It's fine.

    Jerry: It must take a really really big zit to kill a man!

    Sara: What is with you?

    Jerry: You call yourself a lifesaver. I call you pimple popper MD!

    [A man comes to the table.]

    Parry: Dr. Sitarides?

    Sara: Mr. Perry, how are you?

    Parry: I just wanted to thank you again for saving my life.

    Jerry: She saved your life?

    Parry: I had skin cancer.

    Jerry: Skin cancer! Damn.
    And, of course, the source of my TB name, the episode where Kramer meets a Latvian Orthodox nun and she wants to leave the faith for him:

    Kramer: Um, you wanted to see me Father?

    Father-priest: Yes. Please, sit down. Sister Roberta came to see me yesterday.

    Kramer: I know what this is about Father. I didn’t do anything. I just spoke to her innocently for just a few minutes. It’s just that, that I have this power.

    Father-priest: Yes. Kavorka.

    Kramer: Kavorka?

    Father-priest: It is a Latvian word which means "the lure of the animal".

    Kramer: I don’t understand.

    Father-priest: Women are drawn to you. They would give anything to be possessed by you.

    Kramer: Help me Father. Help me.

  4. Me and my friend Bill are going to film a seinfeld-esqe show this summer. I came up with a plot one night while trying to go to sleep. George finds a vending machine that everytime you press coin return, it gives you a nickle. We decided to film it based on two scenes

    George: A nickle! Can you believe it?

    Jerry: George, it's just a nickle! If it was a dime i would understand but it's a nickle!


    Elane: Where's George?

    Jerry: Oh, he said he had to go to the bank. *Cut to a shot of George with several tupperware containers and frantically pushing the Coin Return button*
  5. Bayou_Brawler

    Bayou_Brawler The most hurtful thing ever realized

    Oct 23, 2003
    Ann Arbor, MI

    you know...if you would of told me 7 years ago we were about to solve the world's energy problems...i would have said you're crazy....now let's throw this giant ball of oil out the window.
  6. I just turn it on sometimes cuz of the bass licks :)
  7. JimK


    Dec 12, 1999
    I didn't watch Seinfeld until it went off 'prime time'...actually, the 1st episode I watched was the LAST episode; I'm one of the few that actually liked that finale(I had heard so much about the show over the years, it was cool seeing most of the characters in one show).

    A co-worker used to tell me to watch the show during its prime run; I always responded with "I got a life".

    Anyway, now I'm really hooked. Now I'm the one telling this very same co-worker, "Didya see Seinfeld last night?
    He sez, "No, I saw it years ago with the rest of America".

    I used to play with a drummer that had "COZTANZA" as his car's vanity tag. Back then he only acted like George(now he even looks like him).
    One time we were about 10 minutes prior to going on-stage(opening for Pam Tillis in a nice theatre)...this guy was acting like the dude that played George in the Jerry show epi; totally freaking out & pacing & saying over & over-
    "I'm not ready for this".

    And how did George end up with some many hotties?
    ...even Michelle Pheiffer's sister felt the effect of 'Co-Stan-Za'.
  8. jazzbo


    Aug 25, 2000
    San Francisco, CA
    Oddly enough, never cared for that show.
  9. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    London, UK
    My respect for you is lost:(
  10. newbie16


    May 31, 2004
    N. VA
    *gasp!* jazzbo... :eyebrow:

    another favorite:

    "these pretzels are makin' me THIRSTY!!"

    oh and the classic:

    "maybe the dingo ate your baby!"
  11. newbie16


    May 31, 2004
    N. VA
    time for seinfeld on TBS! 2 episodes and then another at 7:30 on fox! woooohooo! seinfeld partAY.. :cool: :p :smug:
  12. Stephen Soto

    Stephen Soto

    Oct 12, 2003
    yeah, i didn't start watching it until it was off 'prime time' also. funny show. i think that jerry seinfeld is probably the worst standup comedian ever, but the show is funny as hell. i guess it's because of him, and everyone else.
  13. Jerry phones his car phone>>did you steal my car?.....

    Yes I did....

    Are you going to give it back?......

    Nah I think I'll keep it...

    Kramer>>Can you tell him to look in the glove compartment my gloves are in there...
  14. Cantstandsya


    Jul 27, 2001
    Fontana, CA
    Hey George,the ocean called and they're running out of shrimp........
  15. Wow, there are just too many to choose from. I think the great thing about Seinfeld was that they consistently produced great shows from beginning to end...I honestly can't think of a bad episode. IMO, other big shows like Friends, Frasier, Simpsons were good for a few years but the quality really declined near the end (the Simpsons is still going, but I think they should have quit a long time ago).
  16. Newbie, I KNEW you were going to make this thread. Anyways, my favorite quote is the Kavorka one, which has already been named. :)
  17. TxBass


    Jul 3, 2002
    Frisco, Texas
    George's "quest" for Wilhelm's project...


    actually I love them all...fan from the beginning and I still seek them out cause I never get bored with them. :D
  18. Kavorka


    Mar 28, 2002
    Austin, Texas
    Haha. There's a bunch of people at work I'd love to hit with "well the jerk store called..." but I think they'd just fire me!
  19. I love seinfeld, also i would recomend curb your enthusiasm, Great show by the writer of seinfeld.

    Too many quotes to write down.
  20. newbie16


    May 31, 2004
    N. VA

    heres a good one i heard today on "The Sniffing Accountant" episode when the three of them are sitting in Jerry's car getting ready for the sting:

    Kramer: Whats day is it?
    Newman: It's Thursday.
    Kramer: Oh.. Feels like Tuesday..
    Newman: Tuesday has no feel, Monday has a feel, but Tuesday.. no.
    Kramer: Well, I feel Tuesday and Wednesday.
    Newman: Nahh-