I only know 2: #1 Little old lady tourist speaking to Scotsman: Is anything worn under the kilt? Scotsman: No my dear, it's all in good working order. #2 Little old lady tourist: What's under the kilt? Scotsman: Feel for yourself lass. Little old lady, feels under the kilt then yanks her hand away: Oh my God, it's gruesome!! Scotsman: Feel again dearie, it grew some more. Let's hear 'em if you got 'em!