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As Musicians Grow Older...

Discussion in 'Bass Humor [DB]' started by Jazzdogg, Mar 31, 2009.

  1. Jazzdogg

    Jazzdogg Less barking, more wagging!

    Jul 29, 2006
    San Diego, CA
    It becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan than your amp.

    Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.

    All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m.

    All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub.

    You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of your playlist.

    Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie.

    You lost the directions to the gig, and then got lost (even though
    you've been there 10 times before).

    You need your glasses to see your amp settings.

    You've thrown out your back jumping off the stage.

    You feel like hell before the gig even starts.

    The waitress is your daughter.

    You stop the set because your ibuprofen fell behind the bass amp.

    Most of the crowd just sways in their seats.

    You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your case,
    unused of course. (They don't charge you for club soda)

    You refuse to play without earplugs.

    You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 p.m. instead of 9:30 p.m.

    You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.

    Your gig stool has a back.

    You're related to at least one other member in the band.

    You don't let any one sit in, ever.

    You need a nap before the gig.

    After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.

    During the breaks, instead of going out to the van to get high, you now go out to the van to lay down and take a nap.

    You prefer a music stand with a light.

    You don't recover until Tuesday afternoon.

    You hope the host's speech lasts forever.

    You buy amps considering their weight and not their tone or cool

    You feel guilty looking at hot women at the bar 'cause they're
    younger than your daughter.

    You can remember seven different club names for the same location.

    You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days - and could physically make it with very little effort.
  2. Jake deVilliers

    Jake deVilliers Commercial User

    May 24, 2006
    Crescent Beach, BC
    Owner of The Bass Spa, String Repairman at Long & McQuade Vancouver
    Oh boy, some of those are pretty close to home! :)
  3. Blueszilla

    Blueszilla Bassist ordinaire

    Apr 2, 2003
    The Duke City
    I will never admit how accurate this is, great list.
  4. dar512


    Mar 25, 2005
    Chicago, IL
    Your feet hurt after a gig.

    And you've been sitting on a stool.
  5. bobalew


    May 21, 2005
    Aledo, TX
    There is another good one, can't remember it right now ...
  6. von buck

    von buck

    Feb 22, 2008
    wolcott ct.
    all them is close to home how about..

    "the bag you use to keep your stash in, now only contains viagra, just in case"

  7. Fab Superlative

    Fab Superlative

    Oct 12, 2006
    Metro Motown
    The Truth Is Out There
    You no longer require a separate horn section due to your enhanced robusto flatulence.
  8. Mike Goodbar

    Mike Goodbar Supporting Member

    Jun 6, 2001
    Charlotte, NC
    When you realize you've started to talk about "sharpening your endpin," "removing the G-string," "ample upper and/or lower bouts," or "nice F-holes" without a notion or trace of innuendo...
  9. when even your grandchildren know when to clap
  10. fdeck

    fdeck Supporting Member Commercial User

    Mar 20, 2004
    Madison WI
    HPF Technology LLC
    When conversation during break is about bifocals and comfortable shoes

    (Happened at my gig last night)
  11. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008
    Funny Stuff,

    hers mine;

    You hit on your 24 year old female key board player and you find out she's your son's wife.:D
  12. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008
    This is close to home:

    You get hit on by a chic half your age but you decline the offer because you know there is no way you could keep up with her.
  13. When your manager (who is your brother in law) calls to check a gig date for a new incoming booking request out of town, you check your calendar to make sure you don't have a doctors appointment that day.


  14. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008
    Your on stage and your face is beet red and it's not from booze, you realized you forgot to take your blood pressure medication
  15. salcott

    salcott Supporting Member

    Aug 22, 2007
    NYC, Inwood.
    When a horn player or singer calls you "Sir".
  16. christ andronis

    christ andronis

    Nov 14, 2001
    You make sure to go to the bathroom right before you go back on the stand for a set. :meh:
  17. Marcus Johnson

    Marcus Johnson

    Nov 28, 2001
    And your tour sponsor is Depends.
  18. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    (wipes forehead) Almost 40 and only one of those applies so far. I do remember half a dozen names for the clubs in my town. Other than that, I'm good to go!

    (I'm sure it won't be long though.)
  19. b_carville


    Jun 26, 2008
    More than one for me!
  20. Fab Superlative

    Fab Superlative

    Oct 12, 2006
    Metro Motown
    The Truth Is Out There
    The term "Un-hip" now includes a drastic procedure performed by an orthopedic surgeon.

    On a related note,any technique that involves the use of a "knee jerk" manuever should tend to be avoided whenever possible,as clinical studies indicate a higher incidence of knee jerking,leads to the accelerated development of terminal un-hipness.


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