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BAD NAKED!

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by P. Aaron, Jun 11, 2005.


  1. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    'Kay, we're at "The Shantie". 9 Mile and Ryan in Warren MI. For a Friday-Saturday gig.

    It's early Friday, we're not even through the first set and we're getting flashed by a woman. She's flashing us with the rapidity of morse code and we're getting more info than we need from this flasher. She ain't no looker.

    The Shantie is a "family" restaurant pub. It's pub time and we're playin' and this woman suddenly has no shirt or bra where both are needed desperately! Finally managment convinces her to put her shirt back on. Thank the heavens, there is a God!

    So, the first set is done and here's this...flasher and she wants us to sign them! I've been married 13 years, and the thought of even being in company with a female stranger's parts is reviled by every part of my being. I don't care what she looks like in this circumstance. It's my turn to sign and I put the cap on the back of the pen, and holding it in the tips of my fingers with my head turned scribble something. uuugggghh! I'm thinkin' of that 10 ft. pole analogy at about this time.

    Fortunately it was a Sharpie and not a ball point pen.
     
  2. Bard2dbone

    Bard2dbone

    Aug 4, 2002
    Arlington TX
    I feel your pain.

    Several years back, we had a gig at a private party that turned out not to be the kind of party we expected.

    The house was amazing. There was a two story tall 'wall-of-windows' on the back side of the living room, with a view into the back yard and pool area. It was all cool until, at some cue I never saw, most of the people started shedding clothes. And several of them started getting waaaaaaaay too up-close-and-personal with each other, like in front of everybody and stuff.

    Now this might SOUND all hip, cool, and theckthay (My daughters friends pronounce sexy that way, for some reason.), but it SOOOOOOOOOO wasn't. There are people out there that should never be allowed to be naked. Federal law should require these people to shower in a three piece suit, or possibly a burqa.

    This party was just about a convention for those people.

    It hurt my eyes. it was bad.
     
  3. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
  4. At one of our latest gigs, there was this girl (hot, blond, eye candy) who was wasted at least an hour before we started playing. Halfway through our 2nd song, her shirt was coming up. After our 3rd song, here yubblies were a permanent fixture. Then she started getting to be just a pain in the a$$, wanting to talk into the mic and stepping all over our guitarists' pedals. She eventually was taken outside before our first set ended, puked on one of our friends and passed out against the palm tree out front until her cab showed up.

    Moral of the story: Nice rack.
     
  5. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA
    When signing breasticles, always use a fake name, or draw boobs.
     
  6. Eric Moesle

    Eric Moesle Supporting Member

    Sep 21, 2001
    Columbus OH
    I love it when they show the good ones, hate it when they show the bad. It seems like its usually the people who shouldn't pull them out are the ones most eager to do it sometimes.

    If pressed to sign them, just write "Blind Eddie" or "Do NOT look down!" . . . that usually works.

    . . . then go wash your hands with LOTS of soap and hot water . . .
     
  7. Petary791

    Petary791

    Feb 20, 2005
    Michigan, USA
    That's such a shame that she was ugly... :scowl:
     
  8. Flanders

    Flanders

    Oct 30, 2002
    Reno, NV
    I think you are right. However, if the Federal Gov't is to mandate a three piece for my shower, are they going to subsidise it? I can't afford fancy stuff like that. ;)

    If you want to see a good example of what you are talking about, try Burning Man in the Nevada desert. Naked people everywhere <shudder>. It's very strange how fast you stop noticing it, though.

    I'll be waiting for my check from the Federal Department of Menswear.
     

  9. Carrying an empty tatooists gun always works for me.

    "Are u sure u like our band?? For life, not just for Christmas?"

    :smug: Always works.
     
  10. Count_Bassy

    Count_Bassy

    Feb 3, 2005
    San Diego
    HAhaha! That reminds me of the Jimmy Eat World music video for "The Middle".

    :bassist:
     
  11. RicPlaya

    RicPlaya

    Apr 22, 2003
    Whitmoretucky MI
    Hey P..

    We played a gig at good old Paychecks in Hamtrammck (near Detroit) and the band after us has these two checks on stage flashing the nicest fake boobs I ever seen for free. Untill this one chick came up and started to join the flashing party, all I could think of was "flapjacks"......nasty.
     
  12. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    I signed, poorly, "Richard Milhous Nixon.
     
  13. I had my boob signed by Tre Cool, the drummer from Green Day, Nothing gross I was fully clothed with a low cut top on, I just let him sign my cleavage then I got a kiss on the mouth (eww)

    I think you would have to be a major slut to actually take your top off and show all your bare breasts.

    But cleavage signing is enjoyable for both parties :D ;)
     
  14. hey well, all of those posts deffinently had me pissing my pants keep um coming

    haha, oh ya and catch me on aim as KidWithABass77, and my xanga is gettokillajay

    P RICAN OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  15. Tre's the man. Useless without photographic proof, however.

    That's completely UNTRUE! I'll wait until the next morning to determine if she was a slut or not.

    :D
    NIIIIICCCEEE!!!
     
  16. Phil Mastro

    Phil Mastro

    Nov 18, 2004
    Montréal
    Will you marry me?
     
  17. The only possible bad thing a breast can be is ....a male breast.
     
  18. oh wow do i ever disagree but alas i cannot post pics here *shivers
     
  19. wise words from "drunk dude at gig": there are no ugly chicks ...just not enough alcohol.
     
  20. ...wrong