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Bad Pun Thread!

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by thrash_jazz, Sep 5, 2002.

  1. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    The other "pun war" thread got deleted, so it was suggested that we start a new one... Alright Mikey, where are ya... Bring it on... :p

    Say your PUNance everyone, for we PUNdits shall reduce the rest of you to the level of PUNhandlers... To the PUNitentiary with you!
  2. Brendan

    Brendan Supporting Member

    Jun 18, 2000
    Austin, TX
    I think your punctuation is off there TJ.
  3. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    Hmmm, thanks for deNOUNcing me. I was getting a little VERBose. I hope my SENTENCE is only for a short PERIOD. At least no one has made puns a CAPITAL crime yet - they're following laws to the LETTER. They're trying their best to be aCOMMAdating.


    These puns will make anyone's COLON rupture! :rolleyes:
  4. BigBohn


    Sep 29, 2001
    WPB, Florida
    TJ, it looks like you've 'gruesome' in your pun skills.

  5. i don't wnat to harsh a PUNishment for my bad joke:D :rolleyes:
  6. Hey, it's FRYday, so everone eat your fish. You should bread your fish, but, only if you have the bread to do it, and make sure you have BREAD on the stereo, David Gates being the main guy of that band, but, not sure if he's related to Bill Gates of Microsoft fame, or if either one of them was ever a Barbarian at the...

    I have a busy day ahead of me, so I'll try to jump in as I'm able... or Cain. And just why did Cain kill Able?

    Because he was able! What weapon did he use? A cane of course!

    The madness has begun! :eek:

    I love it! :D

    Mike J.
  7. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    On the subject of BREAD... A friend of mine is a baker; he makes lots of DOUGH. Kind of a CRUSTY fellow though. As far as it being the end of the week, I do just plan to LOAF around this weekend. Watch the rich family drive by in their ROLLS...

    Yep, Bill GATES certainly has a LOCK on being the richest feller around. If I were to HEDGE my bets, I'd go with him. No ofFENCE.

    So the BIBLE said that Abel used a cane on Cain? Well, that's a TESTAMENT to how interesting some of those stories can be...
  8. Yes, Ive seen your friend drinking in the bar; he's always on a ROLL after the first few, and usually ends up PIE-eyed. I think his drinking stems from the time he went to the TOASTmasters club when that big fire broke out. He tried to be a HERO to impress his HONEYBUN, but, his mother's sister stopped him from running inside, and then he was CROSS with his AUNT. He wanted to call his mom, but didn't have five cents for the phone call, and just kept badgering his girlfriend for half a dime, yes, he was PUMPing her for a NICKLE! So he hitched a ride over to his friend's house, the butcher.

    Now the butcher had invested a lot of money in his business, yes, he had a lot at STEAK in that store. He was an ambitious guy never sitting on his RUMP. He was single, but, didn't like the bar scene, and, really wanted to MEAT a woman.

    Now, he had noticed the Candlestick maker's wife, and he thought that she might like to fool around, what, with her having a WICKED reputation. He drove to meet her under a WAXING moon. He wanted to give her a nice necklace made from the little spherical objects produced by oysters immediately before their dinner of pork, but, he remembered: Never put PEARLS before SWINE.

    Over to you. :D

    Mike J.
  9. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    Hmm, Mike, I'd say we are NECK AND NECK with these puns... I may have to TRACHEA down. Who NOSE, maybe a winner will be declared eventually... But why stop with all this CILIA fun going on? EYE think that this will provide good FOCUS for TBers. And if they aren't as adept at puns, they can be our PUPILS. Anyway, EYELASH out at anyone who doesn't like this thread.

    Anyway, er, to keep it on topic and about bass... maybe I should get one with TONGUE oil?


    For now. :rolleyes:
  10. Actually, I'm heading home myself. See y'all Monday.

    Mike J.
  11. So the butcher's concience was starting to get to him; why was he out on the town with another man's wife? He excused himself to Mrs. Candlestickmaker (he told her he was going to the potty) but just walked out the front door.(and left her with the check) The head waiter was born in Slovakia.

    He passed a convenience store and bought a can of soda. So da last person he thought he'd see was his pop. His pop's club, The Double Bubble room, at the corner of Effervecence Avenue and Seltzer Street was where all the locals played. Tonight there was the new avant-GARDe rap group(I'm so terrible:p ) The dislocated Hip-Hoppers were performing their hit, "Guitarists ain't gettin' paid scale, so I'm cuttin' the chord."


    And so the band made their entrance, and asked the standard question most entertainers ask their audience, "How y'all feelin' tonight?" the audience replied, "With our hands." (I had coached the audience 5 minutes before the butcher arrived.)

    The high hat cymbal, a symbol associated with the drums started to say, "Tssssip - tssssip - tsssip," the Strat was set in the middle position and the bass player, who also played the flute had his fife string with him.

    Then, they ripped into a Sca type groove:

    Dough, oh dear, that baker Ray is here,

    Ray, he always made good buns,

    Me, this thread, I hide my face,

    Far, that's to where you should run.

    So, how is this going to end?

    LA, admit you just don't know,

    Tea, a drink while slicing bread,

    which will bring us back to dough, oh no, NO!

    The crowd reacted badly, in fact those lyrics made everyone sick to their stomachs. They had, in fact reacted exactly the same as the cows did the night before. The band, which couldn't afford rehersal space simply practised in a pasture, and as mentioned had made all the bovines very ill.

    Yes, it was the sound of moo sick. :eek:

    Mike J.
  12. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    Thanks Mike - I gots Pepsi up me nose now... hehehe

    *takes aim and prepares to fire*

    Moo sick, eh?

    If we're not careful, all TBers will BAND together against us. Both of us will get a bad RAP, even though we're both such witty FOLK. Some might throw ROCKs - such a situation would really test our METAL.

    Well, if it were just moo sick, no need to have a COW, man. If they told you that, it's a lot of BULL. HAY, It's UDDERly nothing to worry about.

    Ugggh, I know I can do better, but Monday afternoons, y'know...
  13. Sorry about the nasal distress, Thrash, but, I was in a particularly strange mood today, if that's believable. :D I actually worked on the last post a little bit over the weekend. This is really getting addicting, I'm starting to take ordinary statements from people at work and "Pun-icizing" them, and am getting super weird looks. I think I'd better keep it here at TB.

    See ya later.

    Mike J.
  14. I guess i'm missing something.... :confused: :confused:
  15. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    Funny thing is, work is probably the only place at which I DON'T break out the bad puns. My friends expect them of me.

    Mine are bad enough (and constant enough) that people have hung up the phone on me or banged their heads on a table. I even got the Simultaneous Double Groan the other day. I haven't actually made anyone puke yet but that is the next step. :eek: ;)
  16. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings

    Mike - found it! :D
  17. Oh, the humanity.....someone think of the children.....etc :D.

    You couldn't have let it die, no?;)
  18. A PUN is a terrible thing to waste.
  19. shut up PUNk.

    :oops: hey..I don't get it, what's PUN?:confused:
  20. Benbass


    Jan 28, 2002
    You've all been very bad. You should be sent to the PUNitentiery and severely PUNished.

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