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***? Band break up. 3 x's in a row!

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Rumzini, May 1, 2006.

  1. Rumzini


    Feb 14, 2004
    Jackson, MI
    As far as I can see it...my band has imploded. Some of you may know that I had limited time available to them. A few weeks ago I had told them that I could only practice once a week for a while, due to wife, family, work related issues. You know...real life! So I thought everything was cool with them...then they get to asking if I could jam on a Wednesday here and there. So I ask my wife and of course I walk away from her with a lil bit of my ass her teeth! The answer is no I tell'em.

    So we press on and start recording the demo cd. Everything is good I thought.

    Then the drummer sends an e-mail about a battle of the bands thing going on...the winner would open up for Avenged Sevenfold when they come to town this summer. (Not my band of choice, but a good gig I guess). He states in the e-mail that he wanted to do this with one of his projects. Apparently he had know about this contest for quite some time. When we hear about it...I had a red flag..."one of your projects?" Like...whoever is most worthyof your time? Yep? Pretty much? He drops the bomb and states that if we can't practice more than once a week that he is going with a few other guys he's been playing with the last couple of months, (mind you we never knew about this). He's the one always talking abut dedication...and he can't even pick which band he wants to put the most effort into. He had been saying that out of all the bands he's been in he liked the stuff we were doing the most! I guess since he's only 21, newly married with no kids...that he can't understand how limited your time gets when you have wife, 4 kids, two cats, a dog, a home, two jobs...etc.etc.

    So anyways. My brother-in-law, who plays guitar. Who I've been trying to get this project off the ground with for over a year now...says in an e-mail to me today...
    That he talked with our singer last night...who is in the same situation as me...and the singer told him that he was going back to singing Karaoke and that he was done with this s@*t! I had also talked to him last night and tried explaining my situation with the guitarist as well. He said he understood but went on to say that if I'm going to be in a band that there needs to be a priority to the band as well! Like it was work! Hmmm...I havn't seen any checks in the name of the band yet. And my priorities are family, work, then band. So the guitarist says in the e-mail to me..."after listening to the both of you I was thnking, ***? Do you guys want some CHEESE with that WINE?"

    I think I'm done.
  2. Rumzini


    Feb 14, 2004
    Jackson, MI
    Oh yeah. I've been in three bands in three years. Same thing each time. Get ready to either gig ofr demo cd and it all falls apart. I can't imagine you guys that have way more time in it than I and have had multiple let downs. This was enough.
  3. jwl


    Jan 25, 2005
    without knowing your exact home-life situation, i think your wife is being unreasonable. yes you have an obligation to your family which is #1 to me, and it is with me as well. but you also have an obligation to yourself. my wife knew i was musician when she met me, she came to our shows, came to video shoots, even roadied a little. that was 15 years ago. i left that band because of my family obligations. i don't regret that and my wife has never given me any flak about any projects that i am involved with. she can't, it's what i do. so she tolerates it. but i also make sure i have all my ducks in a row at home: son's home work, hockey with son, property maintence ect. i also built a studio in my home so all my work is done there and i really don't need to leave the house to do music. i am not a dictator, but i do music on my terms as far as time goes. on the other hand a band is like a marriage as well. music is my life but for people like us with a life away from music, a balance must be struck. perhaps you're with the wrong musicians. this probably doesn't help much. i guess i'm just saying i hear what you're saying. peace, jeff
  4. Rumzini


    Feb 14, 2004
    Jackson, MI
    Hey no prob. These are thoughts that I had heard from another thread I had started. My wife is fine with me doing things. As long as, like you say, I have my ducks in a row. Well the band wasn't giving me or us that time. The practice once a week thing was decided upon about four weeks ago, and immediatly they were asking me to come in on Wednesdays. They weren't giving us any time to get things straightened out. Even after they stated they understood. Yeah right.

    That at home studio is looking more and more interesting.
  5. pointbass

    pointbass Jersey to Georgia Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Nov 4, 2004
    Acworth, GA
    Endorsing Artist: FBB Bass Works
    I learned a long time ago to be very specific with any potential bands/gigs about my time .... what I'm available for, what days are good, what days are bad, nights better than days, etc. I probably sound like a total a**-munch when responding to an inquiry, but I'd rather everybody knows exactly what works for me and what doesn't.

    I'm really lucky that my wife is 1000000% supportive of my playing, but as jwl said, I have to take care of business on my end as well. That means no "surprise" rehearsals or gigs (and by that I mean the ones that I forget to tell her about until the last minute) that will mess with our family time. She has zero problem with any music scheduling stuff, as long as she knows in advance so she can do her own thing when I'm playing.

    For me, the bottom line is the level of seriousness that a band has. It's easy to rehearse, it's easy to cut a demo, it's easy to blow a bunch of BS by each other about the future of the band .... getting good gigs and keeping the band together is a lot harder and some cats just never get to that point.
  6. Rumzini--

    Not to belittle anything that's going on where you are...

    Is the music scene around you that seriously cutthroat? You should be able to find guys in a similar situation (time/commitment-wise) without too much problem.


    I'm WAY off-base.
  7. bassmonkeee


    Sep 13, 2000
    Decatur, GA
    I fully appreciate that your time is limited--with a wife, 4 kids, etc, your time should be limited.

    But, you can't hold it against the drummer if practicing once a week doesn't work for him and he has more projects and that he wants to dedicate more time to the other one with like minded people. Everyone has their own agenda/time constraints--they aren't always compatible.

    As for the singer wanting to go back to doing karaoke, well....he's a singer. No one ever said they were rocket scientists.
  8. Rumzini


    Feb 14, 2004
    Jackson, MI
    No. There are many people out there and a whole lotta ads for bass players wanted. However we have gotten so far to scrap it all.
  9. Rumzini


    Feb 14, 2004
    Jackson, MI
    I'm hearing ya...and thank you soooooo much for the laugh at the rocket scientist gag!
  10. reachjkh


    Nov 21, 2002
    Lee's Summit, MO
    My band has never practiced more than once a week. And we intend to drop it to once every other week just to add new songs. It takes a willingness by everyone to show up prepared. If not, that person needs to be replaced.

    I play in a cover band, and I have a wife and four kids too. I don't have time to practice several nights a week. I would rather do the sloppy work in the comfort of my home, and then just show up and work out the kinks and go gig.

    (If you're doing original material that is written by the group all at once... well, good luck.)
  11. jamescalvin


    Jan 10, 2006
    Orange County
    Bands are hard to play in period. Think about it, not only do you have to make time to make it happen every week, but you have to do it x 3, 4, 5, 6 or even more people. That's not easy, especially if you have someone in your band that's in another band because one thing I know, they will leave yo a$$ quicker than Eminems last marriage.

    However, if you can get through that storm, there is always "the wife", supportive or not, they want your time all the time. They need to feel that they are more important than the music is regardless of if they say it directly or indirectly "but our wives do come first right guys?? ;) ".

    Every band has their member issues though, if it's not the whiney drummer complaining about lugging his equipment around to gigs, then it's the guitarists complaining he isn't loud enough. If not them two, then it's the singer who thinks he's Jim Morrison and doesn't have to listen to anyone. If not any of them, then it's probably you (meaning the bass player)... I guess all you can do is keep it in motion and make sure you personally get better as a musician and try not to make the same mistakes twice.
  12. ric1312

    ric1312 Banned

    Apr 16, 2006
    chicago, IL.
    I could see an all cover band, where everyone in the band has the ethic to learn the stuff at home, playing together once a week.

    But, if your band is doing originals and writing them, or even just trying to sound top notch, and trying to get gigs with bands like avenged seven fold, then once a week doesn't cut it.

    Sure you aren't getting paid. but, there are plenty of hungry bands out there that practice every day, so theres your competition.

    My band does only twice a week, and I don't think that's enough.

    so, I can see the other guys point, but they did agree to once a week.

    that I find is big problem in bands, people just aren't straight about what they want, and just hope the project they are in will somehow morph into it.
  13. jamescalvin


    Jan 10, 2006
    Orange County
    That's real talk right there...
  14. Totally.

    I get it now... and that does suck.
  15. Rumzini


    Feb 14, 2004
    Jackson, MI
    The latest e-mail says drummer is still in but hew want's to play on Thursdays and keep the Sundays. Well...like I keep telling them...I can't do two days. My wife might...MIGHT...allow me. Until I speak with her about it though. Also...he wants Thursdays so that it dosn't conflict with his other bands schedule of Wed, Fri, and Saturdays.
  16. IanStephenson

    IanStephenson UnRegistered User

    Apr 8, 2006
    When I signed up for my band we discussed commitment, and available time. That discussion went home with me, and was re-nogitiated with the boss.

    I have permission, and comittment for 1 rehersal and 1 gig a week. We're pushing that a little (two gigs next weekend) on the understanding that it won't happen too often (it doesn't do any harm that I split my gig money with the boss). It's agreed with the band that if we have 2 gigs per week more than occasionally, we may have to skip rehersal that week. 2 gigs plus 1 rehersal takes out the singers voice anyway.

    We're doing covers, which makes things easier, but we can put most songs together in a rehersal (check it over the following week, and gig the next weekend).

    If you NEED more rehersals per week for a casual FUN band, then youre either
    a) working for something specific
    b) trying to do something you're not capable of yet
    c) not doing your homework
    d) Not actually rehersing during rehersal

    d is way to common (as is C but thats another story).
    Be honest - your four hour rehersal: Is it a 4 hour rehersal, or a 1 hour set up, 1 hour reherse, 45min break, 30 minute rehersal, 45 minute goof off/Jam and packup time? 4 hours actually equals 1.5 hours rehersing.

    A friends band was really macho about how they did so many long rehersals, but one time I saw them reherse, half of them were drunk, some were outside smoking, and most of the people acually in the rehersal room were friends they'd invited over to "hang out".

    If everyone does the work, gets there on time, doesn't mess about, then 1 evening a week can achive most things...

    as for "side projects", they're fine as long as it's agreed that THEY are the side projects, not the band you thought was THE band. If I ever cancelled my BAND for my side project I'd be in big trouble.

  17. jamescalvin


    Jan 10, 2006
    Orange County
    OK, so my question to you is:

    1. How long is practice (meaning hourly)
    2. Can't you guys compramise with something else? You practice two days a week and you'll cook three out of the 7 days or something. Or you'll do something you hate like clean the bathroom or something.

    I don't get into the whole "asking" if I can do stuff because that leaves a door open for disaster if she capatilizes on it, but I do see where you're coming from with everything.
  18. Rumzini


    Feb 14, 2004
    Jackson, MI
    Actually rehearsal time was/is very effecient. Working at FedEx and being a cop, I would have it no other way. However...netheir do the other guys. We usually get there early and stay late. We end up putting in time from about 5 pm to 10 or 11 pm. So 5 to 6 hours sometimes on Sundays. We do get a lot accomplished for the short time alll of us have been together. However I do agree that an extra day for a few hours we would just be, "on". We could be playing out in no time. Actually we could play a half hour show right now. So some of the gigs in town we are ready for. It's just that we want/need/have more material in the works....good stuff. Of course I'm sure everyone says that. I'll let ya'll be the judge someday when we hopefully put something together.

    As it stands after a few more e-mails. I'm gonna see about an extra day...I'm pretty sure I can do it. I also have to call the singer to see what he can do. I guess if he can't do an extra day then he's out. How crappy! This guy is good...yet is like me and just can't commit to the extra day. Maybe every now and then. He would definatley be at gigs. He has been very dependable on what he does commit to.
  19. The other thing to look at...do you really need the whole band at every practice? Sometimes a band can get by only having the singer at every other practice, so the rest of the band can work on getting chords and progressions down, etc. The guitarist and I, in our band, have played _many_ practices without a drummer (partly due to not having a drummer, or having drummers with erratic schedules/reliability issues). Just an idea.
  20. Rumzini


    Feb 14, 2004
    Jackson, MI
    Oh I've oft entered that idea...but they want all or nothing. That even if someone is down...like when our singer had no voice after a bad head cold...he was still wanted there for ideas and/or suggestions. I half agree...half don't. That's where our drummer started to get on his case about dedication, stating that he is newly married and should be spending more time with his wife yet he ractices3 to 4 hours a day on the drums and makes it to every practice. Yeah...if I was unemployed and didn't have kids I would have 3 to 4 hours a day to practice the bass. As it stands I get a minute or two to look at mine.

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