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Band Issues

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by Scooter09, Aug 14, 2012.

  1. Scooter09


    Mar 28, 2012
    Ok, I have been a member of TB for a lil while now, but this is really my first post. I am in a 6 piece top 40 cover band. Ages in the band vary from 17-44. Me, the drummer and one of our guitar players are around 27, our other guitar player is around 44. Our male vocalist is about 35 and or female vocalist is 17, will be 18 in March.

    The interesting thing is that the problem realy isn't with the band, it's with the 17 year old's mom. I take care of everything from booking, facebook, website and all promotions. I do this all in my extra time between taking care of my wife and two year old and my job. I don't mind doing all this, I actually love the challenge. It seems that everytime I do something whether it be book our band, create some type of promotion material or the latest, post a song to our website that our 44 year old guitar player with over 20 years experience approved, the mom has some kind of problem with it and she starts texting all the other band members trying to turn them against me, but she doesn't know that we have all been friends for a long tme and they tell me everything.

    We have all worked very hard the last 6 months and this band has really took off averagin 175 ppl a show for the first 3 gigs. I really don't know what to do. The singer does not agree with anything her mom is doing, but she is 17. I'm not in highschool anymore and really don't have the time or patience to put up with this drama. Does anyone have any advice please??? :help:
  2. Febs

    Febs Supporting Member

    May 7, 2007
    Philadelphia, PA
    Have a conversation with the mom. Set boundaries.
  3. CS


    Dec 11, 1999
    Fire someone?

    Ask the 'Mum' why she is getting involved when she's not in the band. My guess is that she wants to manage the band and badmouthing you is her way to do it.

    I'm pretty sure the fire someone option will be popular.
  4. Sounds like a Mom living vicariously through her daughter and making everyone who is actually in the band and/or working for it miserable.
    Or maybe a mother who feels she has some communications expertise and doesn't believe the band is putting it's best foot forward with advertising and connecting with your followers.
    Or she may feel her daughter isn't getting the attention that the mother feels she should.
    I'd call Mom out on this, she may just need someone to stand up to her. You may lose your female singer, but you'd lose the parasite sucking the fun out of the band.
  5. Def talk to the mom. Tell her if she would like to be the band leader, she needs to hire a band to back her daughter other wise, you guys will look for a replacement singer.
  6. This pretty much says it all. Mom's not in the band.

    I wouldn't fire the daughter for this. If the mom wants to ban her daughter from the band, that's her call. But as long as the singer is doing well, I'd keep her.
  7. Scooter09


    Mar 28, 2012
    I've tried speaking with the mom before and she is just too immature and acts like a big kid. As far as firing someone, I don't think that's an option as the male singer helped me form this band and the mom has him rapped around her finger. It's a very messed up situation.

    One option I do have is that I was asked to audition for another band, but I would hate to quit and leave my true friends in a bind. :confused:
  8. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    Personally, I would avoid having a female minor in my band. Nothing good can come from it, especially with an overbearing mother.
  9. Febs

    Febs Supporting Member

    May 7, 2007
    Philadelphia, PA
    If you're ever looking for a band name, how about, "The Misogynists"?
  10. stubborne


    Oct 22, 2009
    Rock Hill, SC

    I left a band because of this exact situation. Only, the 17 yr old girl was a 25 yr old guy. Cut the umbilical for chrissakes!
  11. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN

    I don't have an issue with women. Rather, there are certain pitfalls with adult men associating with minor women. In this case, the pitfall is a mother that must remain involved due to the age of the female singer. It would really be an issue with either sex, but the fact that the minor here is a female makes it a bit more complex.
  12. Febs

    Febs Supporting Member

    May 7, 2007
    Philadelphia, PA
    I have to admit, I misread "female minor" in your initial post as "female member." :scowl: Sorry about that.
  13. pickettj


    Jun 25, 2011
    Then you shouldn't have a 17 year old girl in your band. I have many teenage nieces and cousins ages ranging from 14-19 and I can tell you from my experience with ALL of them, they are either always or mostly a pain in the ass eventually. And their moms are usually at least part of the problem. Drama is their life. If someone tried to bring a teenage girl in to my band I'd drop out of the thing all together and right now.

    Let me be clear by saying I have no issues with female singers, just teenage girls. Maybe the ones I know are the exception, not the rule. But I find it hard to believe that a dozen girls across seven different families that all act the same are the exception.
  14. pickettj


    Jun 25, 2011
    Yeah but if it's not fun anymore and it's a big drama fest then what's the point? You'd be doing them a favor. I understand the mom has to stay involved but only to the point that she is sure that her daughter is not being abused or used in any way. Beyond that, she has no business interfering. If she consents to her being in the band that's NOT the same as being put in charge of band management. Maybe it will calm down when the girl turns 18 but if she's not doing anything about it now, I really doubt she will then.
  15. Joedog


    Jan 28, 2010
    Pensacola FL
    Ahh, the classic "stage mom". Been there once in a somewhat similar sounding situation. At least the band was all on the same page. The project did not last long. Even though the girl had serious pipes, the negative (mom) was the deciding factor. There were a few "reality show" worthy moments, I can laugh about now. Actually, they were pretty funny back then as well!
  16. ddnidd1

    ddnidd1 Supporting Member

    Sounds like you've got a problem with the mom AND the male singer.

    The band should DECIDE who is running the band. For a non band member to have any substantial, unwanted input is unacceptable and shouldn't be tolerated.

    Ideally you guys need to ALL agree that outside influences won't be tolerated and to simply totally ignore the mom's 'suggestions'. Just don't give her any acknowledgement and conduct the band's business. Basically it sounds like you're playing into her hands by paying attention to her suggestions.

    However, if the male singer is essentially defeating the best interests of the band by siding with the mom, then either live with the current situation and enjoy the ride or bail for something else.
  17. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    Lemme guess....is the male singer boinking the mom???
  18. vinny


    Apr 3, 2006
    Las Vegas, NV.
    IMO, the girl needs to be in a band with her peers anyway. She'll eventually figure this out on her own & you'll replace her at that time.
  19. MrLenny1


    Jan 17, 2009
    Talk to Mom right away! Bud out Budinsky!
    Don't wait, don't hesitate!
    The biggest problems I have had in 25 years of gigging has been women,
    in the band or on the outside. The 17 year old will always be a problem.
    This is a cancer that may destroy your band.
    It ruined a lot of bands that I was in.
    Even mature females are a pain in the ass.
    Good Luck!
  20. bluewine

    bluewine Banned

    Sep 4, 2008

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