Bass Joke.

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Ron1946, Oct 25, 2017.

  1. Ron1946


    Jul 19, 2017
    Simi Valley
    How do you quiet an overly loud bassist?

    Put a chart in front of them.
  2. dbase

    dbase Gold Supporting Member

    Jan 3, 2008
    South Jersey, USA..
    That's not funny... ;)
  3. guitarflinger

    guitarflinger Not all who wander are lost Supporting Member

    Oct 19, 2013
    Front Range, Colorado
    How do you quiet an overly loud drummer?

    Give him the wrong address for the gig
    bassestkkm likes this.
  4. LUpton

    LUpton Supporting Member

    Oct 22, 2012
    Tampa, FL
    Probably too old for this sh--
    You can substitute 'guitarist' for 'bassist' and the joke works even better...
  5. eJake


    May 22, 2011
    New Orleans
    +1 far more traditional. Bass players can actually read sometimes :)
    RSBBass, CGremlin and BassCliff like this.
  6. Spent


    May 15, 2011
    Upstate NY
    I quite the guitarist by asking what key he's in. Usually results in him stopping, looking at his hand then at me, back at his hand, etc. He eventually holds his guitar up ans says "this one."
  7. Wisebass


    Jan 12, 2017
    Lost in Space

    Never!!! Guitarists are no bassists because...

    I hope so!!! :D:laugh::roflmao:

  8. PhatBasstard

    PhatBasstard Spector Dissector Supporting Member

    Feb 3, 2002
    Tacoma WA
    This joke is very old and guitarist was the original way it made sense (because guitarists are often very loud.... get it!).

    This would be quickly followed up by:
    "How do you get the horns to turn up?" Put a chart in front of them.
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2017
  9. Ron1946


    Jul 19, 2017
    Simi Valley
    True, however, bassists are often frustrated or converted guitarists (ie.) Paul McCartney. Also, I have had people tell me that playing bass is easier because you only have four strings. All I can say is "Love's not time's fool."
  10. LUpton

    LUpton Supporting Member

    Oct 22, 2012
    Tampa, FL
    Probably too old for this sh--
    I joke about this, but my bass clef reading is terrible. Put a trumpet chart in front of me and a horn at my lips, and I would do much better (at least earlier in my musical career - I haven't touched a trumpet in over 20 yrs). I keep my hand in by arranging horn section charts (tpt, tenor, bari sax) for the band I'm in right now.

    PS - I'm also a converted guitarist - flame suit on...
  11. PhatBasstard

    PhatBasstard Spector Dissector Supporting Member

    Feb 3, 2002
    Tacoma WA
    I guess I came at it different. I (after extensive piano and drums) picked up bass first and ran with it.
    All my guitar experience came later on my own.
    I read bass clef well. Treble clef is a much slower process.
    bassestkkm and Ron1946 like this.
  12. Ron1946


    Jul 19, 2017
    Simi Valley
    That's interesting. I started violin at three years old; however, when doo-wop came along I wanted to be Mr. Bassman. I later learned drums to be a better bassist and guitar to be a better songwriter.
    Some of my bass lines are derivative of Trombone and Sousaphone. I love that second-line feel.
    Gaolee and bassestkkm like this.
  13. fhm555

    fhm555 So FOS my eyes are brown Supporting Member

    Feb 16, 2011
    Until just now, I'd always heard it as guitar player.

    The more fitting bass player joke is...

    What do you call a bass player who just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless.
  14. 1st Bass

    1st Bass

    May 26, 2005
    Forest Grove, OR
    The Bass player came back from a date, and told the guitarist, "We got to a hill, outside of town, and she told me if I took the top down so she could see the moon, I could kiss her!! Man, I had that top down in nine minutes, flat!"
    The guitarist said, "NINE minutes? I can take mine down in under two, and not even hurry!"
    The bassist said, "Well, sure, but you drive a convertible!"
    BassCliff and Fretless1! like this.
  15. PhatBasstard

    PhatBasstard Spector Dissector Supporting Member

    Feb 3, 2002
    Tacoma WA
    The ultimate bass specific joke is still the one that ends with the explorers speaking with the jungle native...

    (constant drums in the distance)
    Native: "Drums stop?! BAD!"
    Explorers: "But why?"
    Native: "Drums stop... Very BAD!!"
    Explorers: "We know, we know! But WHY VERY BAD?!?"

    Natives: "........BASS SOLO!!!"
    Gaolee likes this.
  16. McG

    McG Goat Hill Gamblers

    Oct 6, 2010
    Costa Mesa, CA
    A symphony orchestra was doing a run of concerts of Beethoven's Ninth.

    Near the end of the symphony there is a long spell where the basses don't play.

    During this time the bassists would slip off stage for a quick break.

    The conductor had a habit of tying a string around the page of the score at the point where the basses needed to be back in place.

    One night when the bassists slipped off stage they decided to go out the back door and into the bar next door for a few quick shots.

    They stumbled back on stage just in time.

    Imagine the conductors surprise when he looked up and realized it was the bottom of the Ninth, the basses were loaded and the score was tied.

    *groan* :laugh:
  17. Turock


    Apr 30, 2000
  18. CGremlin


    Nov 1, 2014
    Palm Bay, FL
    Some others, adapted from other instruments...

    What's the difference between a guitar and bass? The bass burns longer.
    What's the difference between a dead squirrel in the road and a dead bassist? The squirrel was on his way to a gig.
    What's another difference? There are skid marks in front of the squirrel.
    How can you tell a bassist when he's standing at your door? The Domino's Pizza uniform.

    How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one - he stands still holding the bulb and the world revolves around him.
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