Bass player jokes

Discussion in 'Bassists [BG]' started by thedeester, Feb 25, 2011.

  1. guy walks around a pawn shop checking out the various instruments. Finally walks up to the proprietor and asks: how much for the big red accordian under the window? The owner replies: You must be a bassist. How do you know?! Because that's a radiator :D
    Mike Whitfield likes this.
  2. Beginner Bass

    Beginner Bass

    Jul 8, 2009
    Round Rock, TX
    A&R, Soulless Corporation Records
    The electric version is "Flats or rounds?"
  3. What do you get when you mix a gay Eskimo and a bass player?

    A snow blower that doesn't work.
    Aberdumbie likes this.
  4. A bass player and a drummer are walking down the street when a VERY attractive woman walks by. The drummer says..."I'd sure like to f*** her"... to which the bass player replies..."Out of WHAT"???
  5. Roscoe East

    Roscoe East

    Aug 22, 2011
    oh, snap!
  6. HavasuSean


    Aug 9, 2014
    I am not a convicted felon
    How many strings are on a bass guitar?

    4 too many.

    *rim shot*
  7. Notrebble


    Nov 25, 2015
    What does a woman say to a bass player after making love? "Now can I meet the guitar player?"
    Mike Whitfield and Aberdumbie like this.
  8. Planespotter


    Oct 11, 2015
    Q. How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
    A. One, but only after the guitar player shows him how to do it.
    Pulverizor and Just_Ethan like this.
  9. CGremlin


    Nov 1, 2014
    Palm Bay, FL
    What's the difference between a bass and a guitar? The bass burns longer.
    What's the difference between a dead squirrel in the road and a dead bassist? There are skid marks in front of the squirrel.
    What's the other difference? The squirrel was on his way to a gig.
    CatSquare likes this.
  10. Rev J

    Rev J

    Jun 14, 2012
    Berkeley, Ca.
    Why does the bass burn longer?
    It's still in the case!

    How many bass players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    None. The keyboardist can do it better with his left hand.

    Rev J
  11. A.K.


    Jan 9, 2010
    Pacific Northwest
    Did you hear about the drummer who locked his keys in the car? It took him three hours to get the bass player out.
    Pulverizor likes this.
  12. Cowboy in Latvia

    Cowboy in Latvia

    Mar 1, 2015
    Wanna hear a joke?

    A good bass player.
    Aberdumbie likes this.
  13. Rev J

    Rev J

    Jun 14, 2012
    Berkeley, Ca.
    Although not really a joke there is kind of a funny passage in "The Real Frank Zappa Book" that I'll paraphrase where he compares Bass Guitar to Viola:

    Bass guitar is kind of like the viola of the rock world. Usually in classical music a violin teacher will look at her worst student, and them a viola and say, "Here try this it's easier."

    Usually in a rock band it starts with 3 guitarists and the one guy that plays the worst is handed a bass and told "Try this it only has 4 strings so it is easier."

    Rev J
  14. Mike Whitfield

    Mike Whitfield Guest

    Apr 10, 2019
    I’m going to resurrect this thread for something a bit different.

    Why do bass players love pianos?

    Because it’s the only instrument invented just so the bass player would have a safe place to set down his beer.
  15. TheDirtyLowDown


    Mar 8, 2014
    Ok, here's mine:

    After he died, Jack Bruce awoke in a fabulously-equipped recording studio, surrounded by instruments.
    Jimi Hendrix and Duane Allman were tuning their guitars. John Lennon was seated at the piano.

    Elvis, Janis Joplin and Buddy Holly were warming up.

    As he plugged into his amp, an awestruck Bruce murmured, "Wow! There really is a rock 'n' roll heaven!"

    Elvis Presley turned and said to him, "Man, this ain't Heaven!"

    and just then the studio door opened, and Karen Carpenter came in,
    sat down at the drums and said, "Okay, people. 'Close To You' in E-flat. One, two, three, four..."

    Mike Whitfield likes this.
  16. thenazz


    May 9, 2011
    Pensacola, FL
    God was pissed off at St. Peter for letting too many unqualified people into heaven, "Give em a test or something!" God told him.
    A short while later a rock n roll power trio who had died in a car wreck approached the pearly gates. St. Peter stopped them and asked, "You, drummer, what's Easter?". The guy rubbed his chin and said, "Uh...that's when the fat guy in the red suit comes by with presents!" St. Peter yelled "poopie no!" and shoved him off the cloud. The guitarist raised his hand and said "I know, it's when we eat turkey and watch football!" Same response from St. Peter, "Go to hell!" and shoved him off the cloud too. Finally the bassist began to speak, "I believe it was after the death of Christ when he arose..." "Phew," said St. Peter, relieved, "you can enter." but the bassist continued, "...he arose and walked from the tomb into the light, saw his shadow and ran back inside.".
    Mike Whitfield likes this.
  17. tubedude

    tubedude Supporting Member

    Jan 19, 2015
    What do you call it hen 2 fretless players play in unison.........a minor second.
    Pulverizor and Mike Whitfield like this.
  18. Fret Buzzard

    Fret Buzzard

    Jan 29, 2019
    Olalla, WA
    A double bassist was complaining to his co-bassist buddy about the simplistic lines they were playing during a performance of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony and suggested they sneak out for a couple of drinks. “But the bass part gets crazy at the end, you know,” said the other bassist. “That’s ok,” said the first. “I grabbed some twine and wrapped up the last few pages of the conductors copy before the show started; we have a bit of time for a drink or two,” so they propped their basses on their seats and headed for the concert hall lounge.
    When they staggered drunkenly back to the stage, they saw and heard near total chaos; the conductor was flailing away with his baton as he fought to untie the tightly knotted twine, the orchestra, following the conductors frantic gestures, kept repeating the same bars over and over again as the audience began to riot over the whole terrible spectacle. The evening had become a complete disaster.
    So there it was: it was bottom of the ninth, the score was tied and the bassists were loaded.
  19. Mike Whitfield

    Mike Whitfield Guest

    Apr 10, 2019
    A slightly different version of that joke:
    A bassist walks into a music store and says “I’m tired of not being taken seriously as a musician. Give me that trumpet and that accordion.”
    The proprietor says “I’ll sell you the fire extinguisher, but the radiator stays.”
  20. Mike Whitfield

    Mike Whitfield Guest

    Apr 10, 2019
    A bassist asks “Did you hear my last solo?”
    Friend: “If there is a God, then yes.”
  21. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

    Here are some related products that TB members are talking about. Clicking on a product will take you to TB’s partner, Primary, where you can find links to TB discussions about these products.

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