Bass Player Offenses and Fines List

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by David Studenick, Feb 28, 2006.

  1. Bass player offenses/fines list

    NAME OF OFFENDER _____________________________
    DATE(S) _____ / _____ / _______

    Wearing a beret on stage - $75
    Tucking in polyester shirt between tunes - $15
    Wearing old Victor Wooten tour t-shirt - $10
    Wearing new Victor Wooten tour t-shirt - $20
    Wearing Hawaiian shirt - $20
    Wearing Hawaiian shirt from Wal-Mart- $50
    Wearing Hawaiian shirt purchased at Wal-Mart en route to gig - $100
    Wearing your belt buckle way off to the side - $50
    Hair: perm, mullet, or spiked with gel - $50
    Skull decals or flames painted on bass - $150
    Black denim jeans: $20

    SET UP:
    Showing up before first 'potato' - $25
    Playing loudly during warm up - $10
    Sound-checking with slapping - $25
    Setting up mic 'just in case' - $75
    Forgetting to plug in bass - $40
    Using a towel-wrapped SM57 as a stage mic - $50
    Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip - $50
    Asking fiddle player for help moving amp - $25
    Bringing a solid wood bass to a bar gig - $100 per crack
    Bringing more than 1 bass - $100 per extra bass

    Loud cursing after mistake - $50
    Playing walking line over vocal - $100
    Playing sixteenth notes - $10 each
    Rushing tempo - $75
    Dragging tempo - $75
    Dragging ballad tempo - $100
    Speeding up during guitar solo - $5
    Blacking out during ballad - $200
    Asking for numbers for "Fox on the Run" - $250
    Asking for numbers for "Manzanita" - $400
    Playing audibly - $25
    Faking changes - $25
    Slapping during lead vocals - $150
    Missing intro, then mentioning vintage of bass - $25
    Asking leader for a solo - $30
    Soloing over chorus - $100
    Playing solo with bow- $400
    Continually asking "Where are we?" - $25
    Continually shouting "Yeah!" during guitar solo - $50

    Experimenting with odd or crooked meters - $25
    Changing strings between sets - $15
    Telling guitar player about all the gigs you get - $10
    Asking guitar player about his/her day gig - $10
    Practicing scales during break - $100
    Casually mentioning to band leader of 'cool side gigs' you've booked - no fine.
    Asking when the Jaco set starts - $20
  2. It's been a while since I've seen these. Awesome!

    some have changed, but it's still great.
  3. Tony G

    Tony G

    Jan 20, 2006
    There is a fine for bringing more than one bass??? I always have at least 2 with me....
  4. zac2944

    zac2944 Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2004
    Rochester, NY
    Oh really, 2 basses??? That'll $100 please. ;)
  5. Tony G

    Tony G

    Jan 20, 2006

    Oh, please...You're all guilty of it. :smug:
  6. RyansDad


    Jan 31, 2006
    Tolland, CT
    You want to risk having a string break or electrics fry, knock yourself out. Few people are cool with paying $10 to see a band play three songs or a band play a full set with no bass. I haven't been to T.T. the Bear's in a while, but the word "understanding" is not a word I would use to describe the management there.
  7. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    I'm pretty sure this was a joke.
  8. RyansDad


    Jan 31, 2006
    Tolland, CT
    Fair enough. Still, most of the other "infractions" were both apt and funny. :D

    Kudos to whoever thought up all of those!
  9. Tony G

    Tony G

    Jan 20, 2006
    I understand it was meant as a joke, but some of them I don't get to be funny... Obviously, I think the only one bass thing is crap. Also, I don't get the solid wood bass to bar gig thing. $100 per crack? What does that mean?
    Also, playing audibly??? Isn't that the point?
  10. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN

    It's humor. Some funny, some not so funny. Don't look for logic, reason or methodology and you'll be much happier.
  11. DaveDeVille

    DaveDeVille ... you talkin' to me ?? Supporting Member

    yeah , me too ...
    Hawaiian shirt - $ 20.00 { i like 'em ... }
    solid wood bass - $ 100.00 { uuhmm , yeah , ok ...}
    more than one bass - $100.00 { always , at least two ...}

    damn , i guess i'll have to ask for more money from the bar owners ...
  12. d8g3jdh

    d8g3jdh Guest

    Aug 9, 2005
  13. Bassmanbob

    Bassmanbob Supporting Member

    Total...................................................................................................$635+y This hobby is getting more expensive all the time.
  14. Tony G

    Tony G

    Jan 20, 2006

    I see, I guess it is just my nature to read too much into it. Its not a very good joke to me, I guess.
  15. coyoteboy

    coyoteboy easy there, Ned Supporting Member

    Mar 29, 2000
    Sactomato, CA
    "Bringing a solid wood bass to a bar gig - $100 per crack"

    uh, double bass? Solid as opposed to ply...

    should be $1000 per crack
  16. Eric Moesle

    Eric Moesle Supporting Member

    Sep 21, 2001
    Columbus OH
    What is this, like the fifth or sixth time this has been posted on Talkbass . . . maybe seventh?
  17. funny read but curious about moving belt buckle to one side. I do it to protect the back of my bass, and i cringe whenever I see bassists with huge buckles digging into the back of their basses. THEY should be fined for being jackasses.
  18. Baryonyx

    Baryonyx Banned

    Jul 11, 2005
    Marathon Man
    Playing the first 4 bars of Portrait of Tracy or Classical Thump at any time during the show or soundcheck....$800
  19. Bob Clayton

    Bob Clayton Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Aug 14, 2001
    Deptford, NJ
  20. guy n. cognito

    guy n. cognito Secret Agent Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 28, 2005
    Nashville, TN

    No problem, we'll just add "Lacking a sense of humor about bass players" to the list of offenses! ;)