bass playing and family life

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Yvon, Mar 16, 2004.

  1. Yvon

    Yvon Supporting Member

    Nov 2, 2000
    Montreal, Canada
    How do you guys deal with that?
    I have a 4 years old boy and a wife, I try to give them all my time and my bass playing suffer a lot from that. It's a matter of priorities, they come first and bass come second.
    I don't play often with my band, maybe once a month and when I leave to go play with them more often then anything my bass is still in the gig bag!

    It's one reason why I sold my expensive basses, I can't justify owning a Sadowsky or an F and play it only once a month.

    I know a lot of people just stop playing for a few years and start again when their kids a grown, but I don't want to do that!!

    Any tips??
  2. set a scheudule... allow yourself some time to play!
  3. RicPlaya


    Apr 22, 2003
    Whitmoretucky MI
    Is it important to you? Are they complaining? If it means a lot to you and I think it does since you posted this then they should understand it's a part of your life. Some guys goto bowling leagues, some like to go hunting...we play bass and it takes a lot of practice. When your kid goes to bed put on the headphones and play for an hour a couple times a week, he's four he can't stay up too late anyway.
  4. Coutts_is_god

    Coutts_is_god Guest

    Dec 29, 2003
    Windsor, Ont, Canada
    teach him how to play.

    Then you and him can jam.
  5. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Lacey, WA
    I bought my wife a piano, my daughter a guitar, and my son a drumset. We all like to jam together. My family has always been actively involved in any band I have been in. Not playing in the band, but they come to practice, help me at home practice, come to gigs, etc.

    The family that pLays together, stays together.

  6. Sundogue


    Apr 26, 2001
    Wausau, WI
    I have three kids, ages 7, 10 and 11.

    I practice with my band once a week and we play out about once a month.

    My life is totally devoted to my family, but in order to play music, I give them more quality time when I can and they understand when it's my time to go play.

    They are so used to it now I can practice right in the living room right where they are playing...and it's just normal to them. When I came home from auditioning for this new band, they all ran up to me and asked if I was a part of the band now...I told them yes and they jumped up and down and were so happy for me.

    Compromise. Do what you can when you can. If everyone (especially your wife) understands how important it is to you, you will find a way to work it out.

    It is important to have balance in your life. The happier you are, the more you have to give to your family. The more you give to your family, the happier they will be. Love is a wonderful circle. :)
  7. 5th generation bassist, everyone played upright in the Symphony, Father, Grandfather, etc. I met my wife when I was playing with the Symphony (also upright), so, she was well aware of what she'd be getting into.

    After a few years I had to change career, but still play rock/blues with pashion (bass, naturally), rehears once/twice per week and gig with my trio 8-15 times per month.

    Both of my children play instruments (my daughter drums, my 21 year old son plays bass and has his own band).

    My wife helps me booking the gigs and comes along every time we perform.

    yes, life can be great :D

    Jorg, (bassist and proud of it)
  8. FunkySpoo

    FunkySpoo Supporting Member

    Feb 6, 2002
    Ive got a 9 and a 6 year old. I help them both with their piano lessons so they understand that I need time to practice also.

    By seeing me practice they get the idea that practice is important to the process of improving your playing.

    And after they go to bed I'll put on the headphones and keep at it.

    My band rehearses once a week and we gig about once a month.

    I think that's a fair balance.
  9. :cool: :)

    Great post here!!
  10. VellaBass


    Aug 29, 2003
    London, UK
    Yeah, that was an excellent post Sundogue.

    My girlfriend's the singer in our band so it's easy. My 14 year old daughter has just started playing guitar and has just mastered a walking blues line on my bass :cool: :cool:
  11. Sundogue


    Apr 26, 2001
    Wausau, WI
    Yeah, actually one of the greatest things you can do for your family is get them involved.

    I bought my wife a piano...she's always wanted to learn. My two boys want to play drums and if they work hard I'll help them get those instruments (they need to be responsible too :)).

    Instead of music being my thing, I've got them all appreciating music more now. Music, is after all, something for everyone. I think too many musicians make their music so personal, like it's something to withhold as their own, when it should be nurtured, especially in a family environment.

    It's kind of ironic that some musicians will devote so much time to practicing and playing out for strangers, yet their own family gets short-changed with both, their time and their talent.
  12. mark beem

    mark beem Gold Supporting Member

    Jul 20, 2001
    New Hope, Alabama
    I'm divorced with no kids so that's not an issue... My cats don't seem to mind..

  13. Thor

    Thor Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    I just gave up playing out.

    Then I would jam Tuesday nights at a friends house.
    On and off for 15 years.

    You can keep your priorities where they need to be,
    my family is important to me, a lot more important than
    some of the yahoos that used to barf in front of the stage.

    So I am not unhappy with my choices, especially as the kids grew up SO FAST...

    There is a lot more time to fiddle with it now.
  14. VellaBass


    Aug 29, 2003
    London, UK
    If you go back a number of years (the number is between 40 and 100?) music was mostly just a family and friends thing. There's a strong argument that our mass media world has done music - at home, where it matters - more harm than good.

    On the other hand I come from the UK, where the percentage of households with a guitar in them is about a quarter of what it is in the States.
  15. biergott

    biergott DuBistEineKartoffelnsalad kopf

    Feb 7, 2002
    Orange County, Ca
    I'm having my first kid this's going to be a boy!

    I have been worried about losing playing on wife told me she would kill me if I quit!

    Anyway....looks like many of you have found a way to be good parents and still play. This thread was printed out and stuck on the fridge!

  16. Sundogue


    Apr 26, 2001
    Wausau, WI
    My wife told me the exact same thing!

    There was a point when I was going to give up playing bass in a band for good. I bought an acoustic guitar again to play around the house, but an opportunity presented itself.

    My wife told me the same your's did...and added that music was part of who I am, that I couldn't give it up. Because of her support, it made it easy to for me to make some compromises with it, so it did not interfere with our family life. I get to practice once a week and play out once a month, which is enough for me. It satifies my need to play music out live and also gives my wife an opportunity to get out and have some fun.

    My two boys both want guitars now (though they'd also like a drum set). They are working and saving up for it. It gives them something to look forward to and because of my interest in music, they will always have it be a part of their lives too. To me there is nothing cooler than that!