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Bass Solo, Run Away!

Discussion in 'Bass Humor [DB]' started by Bobby King, Mar 1, 2008.


  1. Bobby King

    Bobby King Supporting Member

    May 3, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    --------BASS SOLOS-------


    Jazz band w/upright -- everybody stops but the piano player vamping lightly, the bassist goes way up the neck with a lot of badly intonated poopity poop poop formless twiddling, with optional grimacing & grunting. Bar chatter goes up.


    Hybrid blues-rock w/Rickenbacker -- bassist going off on extended noodling (also in the high register and sounding like pop-pop poopity poopity poop, only much louder, maybe with EFX). Guitar player can't count to 12 and steps in to attempt drunken riff-based call & response pissing match. Drummer rises to the challenge. Organist goes to the bar.


    Funk w/exotic wood plank -- Band drops out except for drums, bass solo sounds like small-screen version of Normandy Invasion, lots of chattering machine gun poppitypoppitypoppitypoppity SLAP. Not as prone to high register noodling though. Mid-neck assault and slightly back-bent posture, right hand/thumb to appear as a flailing blur. Don't attempt to look serene and spiritual doing this unless you are Vic Wooten. Can sound like angry chattering squirrels throwing nuts at a tin roof..... unless you are Vic Wooten.


    Classic Blues w/ Fender P -- There are no bass solos. Don't. Exception: One real slow showpiece grinder at the end of the set...keep the sludgy bottom groove while the rest of the band backs way off so people can marvel at the thick pelvis pushing thump AND the absolute lack of definition in those 30-yr-old BBQ sauce & nicotine - crusted flatwounds. The audience loves to cheer for the quiet kid on the non-flashy instrument. Once.


    Trad. Bluegrass w/ Kay upright (say "string bass" or "doghouse") -- only once per night, and the rest of the band just plays lightly the downbeat chords for each section, the bass player keeps playing the same 1-5 pattern finishing up with a slightly flashy and attention-getting three note ascending run back to one.
    Pentatonic minor is a hanging offense, eighth notes are edgy.


    Country w/Peavey -- No solos. Ever. Bluegrass is the country version of jazz (chops-focused), if you want a solo go there. Roots are deep, keep them there. Fifths always work in country. Maybe if it's a loose night you can play a solo in "mama don't allow", but it better be the normal boogie-woogie arpeggio. Extended chords invite flying bottles. Keep it Dorian.


    Nu-punk-grass -- hippie guys with fiddles and mandolins and kilts and dobros and dreadlocks and overalls with no shirts and the bass player is a young college symphony guy who met the banjo player at a party and they shared a hand-rolled cigarette and the most amazing tri-tone arco ragas entered the cosmic flow, maaaaaan.......


    Coffee-house w/fretless boutique bass -- Sensitive Singer-Songwriter takes break from introspective lyrical navel-gazing and gives bassist an entire spaciously empty verse in a landscape of pastel wanderey DADGAD-tuned acoustic guitar. Bassist - rip thru some pseudo Jaco Manring cliches - furious Phyrgian fretless smeary honks, growls and noodles, sliding chords with pointlessly overdone clusters of harmonics. Sounds like angry cows in a rainstorm.
     
  2. Jake deVilliers

    Jake deVilliers Commercial User

    May 24, 2006
    Crescent Beach, BC
    Owner of The Bass Spa, String Repairman at Long & McQuade Vancouver
    LOL!

    Perfect aim on the Nickel Thile followers - saw a ton of that stuff at Wintergrass last weekend. :)
     
  3. fenderhutz

    fenderhutz Supporting Member

    Jan 28, 2007
    Harpers Ferry WV

    That is the complete vision I get when someone tells me they are using flats. :help:
     
  4. LMAO!!:D:D
     
  5. Uncletoad

    Uncletoad

    May 6, 2003
    Columbus Ohio
    Proprietor Fifth Avenue Fret Shop. Technical Editor Bass Gear Magazine
    So you've been to some of my gigs?
     
  6. bkbirge

    bkbirge

    Jun 25, 2000
    Houston, TX
    Endorsing Artist: Steak n Shake
    Beautiful on so many levels.
     
  7. Chris Fitzgerald

    Chris Fitzgerald Student of Life Staff Member Administrator

    Oct 19, 2000
    Louisville, KY
    As far as jazz soloing, my lifelong goal is to play my formless poop poop poop twiddling in tune. Once that happens, I can probably do away with the grimacing.
     
  8. tucson_zac

    tucson_zac

    Sep 11, 2007
    Tucson, AZ
    Psychobilly w/ (new) King, covered in metalflake, flames, and skulls-- Machinegun like clickity-clackity-clickity-click-click, as fast as can be played, irrespective of song tempo. Pitch is not important, in fact, left hand is often used soley to aid in balance when standing on bass. Drummer will attemp response.
     
  9. LowAndFunky

    LowAndFunky

    Dec 22, 2007
    Richmond, VA
    LMAO! I think I've been in just about everyone of those situations over the years. You rock, Bobby!
     
  10. jgbass

    jgbass Guest

    Dec 17, 2003
    Insightful, awesome!

    And, as a friend of mine says (her husband is a sax jazz musician, so she gets to a lot of gigs).... I just don't like bass solos. :scowl:
     
  11. kurkomat

    kurkomat

    Aug 28, 2001
    Austin, TX
    ohhhh man, too good. Hits close to home with the DADGAD coffehouse stuff but very nice. Am printing this out and hanging it in my practice room.
     
  12. Thanks so much!

    I learn so much on TBDB. Now if I can just practice my odd facial expressions a little more, it will successfully distract the audience when they hear my out of tune, upper register, poopity-poop stylings
     
  13. Bobby..I love your reference to " angry cows in a rainstorm. "
     
  14. kesslari

    kesslari Groovin' with the Big Dogs Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 21, 2007
    Santa Cruz Mtns, California
    Lark in the Morning Instructional Videos; Audix Microphones
    OMG, that's my current gig.
    Lovin' it. Sounds more like cows making love in a mud bog, though. No angry cows here, no sir.
     
  15. HAHAHA... ohhh man. I have nothing to say about this one. It's downright disgusting how accurate these are.
     
  16. Bobby King

    Bobby King Supporting Member

    May 3, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    Hey guys, I can't take credit for writing this. I don't know who actually wrote it, but it was sent to me by a drummer!
     
  17. so right. ....Dave Brubecks bassist is the only man i've ever seen being in tune with his poopity poops.
     
  18. Moma! God damn, mcintyre...you can actually SEE people being in tune? Not to be redundant, but: What drugs? What recieving source and many MGs? And where and through who. :hyper:
    I'll send your respect to Mike.
     
  19. jtlownds

    jtlownds

    Oct 3, 2004
    LaBelle, FL
    Bass solos are like premature ejaculation ------ You know it's coming, but there is not a damn thing you can do about it. :eek:
     
  20. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :hyper::D:p:eyebrow::(:bawl: ...I can't handle the truth.
     

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