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Bassist Infraction Form

Discussion in 'Bass Humor [DB]' started by nicklloyd, Dec 7, 2004.


  1. nicklloyd

    nicklloyd Supporting Member/Luthier

    Jan 27, 2002
    Cincinnati, Ohio
    I got this from my piano buddy... maybe some of you have already seen it.

    BASSIST INFRACTION NOTIFICATION FORM

    NAME OF OFFENDER: ___________________________
    INFRACTION DATE: _____________________________

    MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [ ] Playing loudly during warm up $10
    [ ] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
    [ ] Loud cursing after mistake $10
    [ ] Playing high and fast after mistake $20
    [ ] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
    [ ] Asking for "E" tuning note $25
    [ ] Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
    [ ] Playing written-out walking line $50
    [ ] Failure to play written walking line $75
    [ ] Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
    [ ] Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
    [ ] Playing eighth notes $5 each
    [ ] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
    [ ] Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
    [ ] Dragging fast tempo $75
    [ ] Dragging ballad tempo $100
    [ ] Blacking out during ballad $200
    [ ] Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
    [ ] Following drummer's tempo $250
    [ ] Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000

    UPRIGHT PLAYERS
    [ ] Showing up before first downbeat $25
    [ ] Playing audibly $25
    [ ] Faking changes $25
    [ ] Slapping $150
    [ ] Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
    [ ] Excessive sweating $25
    [ ] Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
    [ ] Asking leader for a solo $30
    [ ] Accepting solo when offered $50
    [ ] Taking second chorus $100
    [ ] Playing solo arco $400
    [ ] Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
    [ ] Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200
    [ ] Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500

    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [ ] Checking hair between tunes $15
    [ ] Experimenting with odd meters $25
    [ ] Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
    [ ] Playing with a pick $50
    [ ] Tuning during ballad $30
    [ ] Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
    [ ] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
    [ ] Attempting last word on final chord $50
    [ ] Achieving last word on final chord $100
    [ ] Long gliss down to final note $200

    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
    [ ] Forgetting strap $10
    [ ] Changing strings after every set $15
    [ ] Using electric tuner $15
    [ ] Setting up mic "just in case" $75
    [ ] Forgetting to turn amp on $40
    [ ] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
    [ ] Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
    [ ] Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
    [ ] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
    [ ] Skull decals on bass $150
    [ ] Bringing fretless bass $500

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    [ ] Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
    [ ] Asking bone player about their day gig $10
    [ ] Sitting behind drums on break $10
    [ ] Quoting "Birdland" $25
    [ ] Practicing scales during break $25
    [ ] Practicing scales during drum solo $50
    [ ] Practicing $150
    [ ] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50
    [ ] Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that
    you
    are
    into sequencing" $10

    BASIC STUPIDITY
    [ ] Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10
    [ ] Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20
    [ ] Asking when the rock set starts $20
    [ ] Continually asking "where are we?" $25
    [ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25
    [ ] Asking bone player where "1" is $50
    [ ] Taking cellphone call during 4's $100
     
  2. Alexi David

    Alexi David

    May 15, 2003
    NYC
    I got two to add:

    Overuse of harmonics, esp. the octave ones

    Hitting the low E loudly, regardless of key/chord/etc.


    Though they're nice sometimes lol
     
  3. Chasarms

    Chasarms Casual Observer

    May 24, 2001
    Bettendorf, IA USA
    I owe $665.00.

    Where do I send the check? :)
     
  4. KeithPas

    KeithPas

    May 16, 2000
    Poulsbo,Wa
    I didn't see any piano infraction for a heavy left hand. In my book that would cost him dearly. :rollno:
     
  5. Matt Ides

    Matt Ides

    May 12, 2004
    Minneapolis, MN
    I think I will be working hard at a day job for a long time to pay off my balance. :crying:
     
  6. apfroggy0408

    apfroggy0408

    Jan 21, 2004
    texas
    lol i owe for like everything on that list lmao
     
  7. Aaron Saunders

    Aaron Saunders

    Apr 27, 2002
    Ontario
    BASSIST INFRACTION NOTIFICATION FORM

    NAME OF OFFENDER: ____Aaron Saunders_________
    INFRACTION DATE: _______January 7th, 2004________

    MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
    [-] Playing loudly during warm up $10
    [-] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
    [-] Loud cursing after mistake $10
    [-] Playing high and fast after mistake $20
    [-] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
    [ ] Asking for "E" tuning note $25
    [-] Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
    [-] Playing written-out walking line $50
    [-] Failure to play written walking line $75
    [-] Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
    [ ] Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
    [-] Playing eighth notes $5 each
    [-] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
    [-] Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
    [-] Dragging fast tempo $75
    [ ] Dragging ballad tempo $100
    [-] Blacking out during ballad $200
    [ ] Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
    [-] Following drummer's tempo $250
    [ ] Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000

    UPRIGHT PLAYERS
    [-] Showing up before first downbeat $25
    [-] Playing audibly $25
    [-] Faking changes $25
    [ ] Slapping $150
    [ ] Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
    [ ] Excessive sweating $25
    [ ] Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
    [ ] Asking leader for a solo $30
    [-] Accepting solo when offered $50
    [ ] Taking second chorus $100
    [ ] Playing solo arco $400
    [-] Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
    [ ] Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200
    [ ] Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500

    ELECTRIC PLAYERS
    [-] Checking hair between tunes $15
    [-] Experimenting with odd meters $25
    [-] Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
    [-] Playing with a pick $50
    [ ] Tuning during ballad $30
    [-] Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
    [-] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
    [-] Attempting last word on final chord $50
    [-] Achieving last word on final chord $100
    [-] Long gliss down to final note $200

    EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
    [ ] Forgetting strap $10
    [ ] Changing strings after every set $15
    [-] Using electric tuner $15
    [ ] Setting up mic "just in case" $75
    [-] Forgetting to turn amp on $40
    [ ] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
    [ ] Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
    [ ] Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
    [-] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
    [ ] Skull decals on bass $150
    [-] Bringing fretless bass $500

    CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
    [ ] Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
    [ ] Asking bone player about their day gig $10
    [ ] Sitting behind drums on break $10
    [ ] Quoting "Birdland" $25
    [-] Practicing scales during break $25
    [-] Practicing scales during drum solo $50
    [-] Practicing $150
    [ ] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50
    [ ] Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that
    you
    are
    into sequencing" $10

    BASIC STUPIDITY
    [ ] Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10
    [ ] Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20
    [ ] Asking when the rock set starts $20
    [-] Continually asking "where are we?" $25
    [ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25
    [ ] Asking bone player where "1" is $50
    [ ] Taking cellphone call during 4's $100


    Total owed: $2,655 (not counting 8th notes and 16th notes), immediate dismissal
     
  8. aaguudis

    aaguudis

    Apr 3, 2001
    Portland
    Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200

    LMAO my trombone player does this
     
  9. apfroggy0408

    apfroggy0408

    Jan 21, 2004
    texas
    haha i do that train all the time. I'm guessing that all basses do it because were bloody awesome. Like one time my conductor for all-region, was a bass player, and after the first song the whole section of basses were still playing, and he said,"Now that's when I know I have bass players."
     
  10. arnoldschnitzer

    arnoldschnitzer AES Fine Instruments

    Feb 16, 2002
    Brewster, NY, USA
    Playing in time when the piano player can't...$100
    I owe $ millions...
     
  11. "Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100"


    I seriously hurt myself laughing about this one.
     
  12. Very good. Let's start a list for drummers.

    Equipment
    -Using a double bass pedal
    -Pretending a double bass pedal is useful
    -Hitting hard the snare
    -Using a Chinese ride
    -Using more than 2 toms
    -Bringing a cowbell
    -Puttin a Teddy Bear on the drum set for luck

    Playing
    -Missing a first beat
    -Accelerating a ballad
    -Slowing down a fast song
    -Playing in front of the bass
    -Throwing sticks in the air
    -Playing the theme when soloing
    -Playing louder during the horn solos

    ...
     
  13. John Sprague

    John Sprague Sam Shen's US Distributor

    Mar 10, 2003
    Rochester, NY
    Sales Manager, CSC Products Inc.
    LOL! The best part is having seen it before (or similar). [​IMG]
     
  14. Chasarms

    Chasarms Casual Observer

    May 24, 2001
    Bettendorf, IA USA
    I'll always get in line to bash a drummer. Personal pet peeve:

    Groove avoidance - When the bassist finds the pocket, they just change the beat. $5,000 fine (or stick insertion.)


    I play regularly with a guy that does this. I used to get miffed, but I have decided that he honestly is not bright enough to recall the beat he was playing 10 seconds ago, so I cut him some slack. :)
     
  15. godoze

    godoze

    Oct 21, 2002
    I think there should be an addition for "fingerboard position markers..."
     
  16. ok but I aint payin!

     
  17. I owe $1650...
     
  18. bassplayer57

    bassplayer57

    Aug 15, 2006
    Toledo, Ohio
    I'm not going to add that uo, because I got an immediate dismissal! LOL!
     
  19. yikes... im afraid to ask the fines for using effects....