Bassist Infraction Form

I got two to add:

Overuse of harmonics, esp. the octave ones

Hitting the low E loudly, regardless of key/chord/etc.


Though they're nice sometimes lol

 

I owe $665.00.

Where do I send the check?

 

I didn't see any piano infraction for a heavy left hand. In my book that would cost him dearly.

 

I think I will be working hard at a day job for a long time to pay off my balance.

 

lol i owe for like everything on that list lmao

 

BASSIST INFRACTION NOTIFICATION FORM

NAME OF OFFENDER: ____Aaron Saunders_________
INFRACTION DATE: _______January 7th, 2004________

MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES:
[-] Playing loudly during warm up $10
[-] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25
[-] Loud cursing after mistake $10
[-] Playing high and fast after mistake $20
[-] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20
[ ] Asking for "E" tuning note $25
[-] Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50
[-] Playing written-out walking line $50
[-] Failure to play written walking line $75
[-] Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50
[ ] Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50
[-] Playing eighth notes $5 each
[-] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each
[-] Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal
[-] Dragging fast tempo $75
[ ] Dragging ballad tempo $100
[-] Blacking out during ballad $200
[ ] Ignoring drummer's tempo $100
[-] Following drummer's tempo $250
[ ] Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000

UPRIGHT PLAYERS
[-] Showing up before first downbeat $25
[-] Playing audibly $25
[-] Faking changes $25
[ ] Slapping $150
[ ] Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25
[ ] Excessive sweating $25
[ ] Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50
[ ] Asking leader for a solo $30
[-] Accepting solo when offered $50
[ ] Taking second chorus $100
[ ] Playing solo arco $400
[-] Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100
[ ] Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200
[ ] Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500

ELECTRIC PLAYERS
[-] Checking hair between tunes $15
[-] Experimenting with odd meters $25
[-] Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
[-] Playing with a pick $50
[ ] Tuning during ballad $30
[-] Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
[-] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
[-] Attempting last word on final chord $50
[-] Achieving last word on final chord $100
[-] Long gliss down to final note $200

EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
[ ] Forgetting strap $10
[ ] Changing strings after every set $15
[-] Using electric tuner $15
[ ] Setting up mic "just in case" $75
[-] Forgetting to turn amp on $40
[ ] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
[ ] Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
[ ] Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
[-] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
[ ] Skull decals on bass $150
[-] Bringing fretless bass $500

CRIMINAL BAD TASTE
[ ] Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10
[ ] Asking bone player about their day gig $10
[ ] Sitting behind drums on break $10
[ ] Quoting "Birdland" $25
[-] Practicing scales during break $25
[-] Practicing scales during drum solo $50
[-] Practicing $150
[ ] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50
[ ] Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that
you
are
into sequencing" $10

BASIC STUPIDITY
[ ] Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10
[ ] Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20
[ ] Asking when the rock set starts $20
[-] Continually asking "where are we?" $25
[ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25
[ ] Asking bone player where "1" is $50
[ ] Taking cellphone call during 4's $100


Total owed: $2,655 (not counting 8th notes and 16th notes), immediate dismissal

 

Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200

LMAO my trombone player does this

 

haha i do that train all the time. I'm guessing that all basses do it because were bloody awesome. Like one time my conductor for all-region, was a bass player, and after the first song the whole section of basses were still playing, and he said,"Now that's when I know I have bass players."

 

Playing in time when the piano player can't...$100
I owe $ millions...

 

"Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100"


I seriously hurt myself laughing about this one.

 

Very good. Let's start a list for drummers.

Equipment
-Using a double bass pedal
-Pretending a double bass pedal is useful
-Hitting hard the snare
-Using a Chinese ride
-Using more than 2 toms
-Bringing a cowbell
-Puttin a Teddy Bear on the drum set for luck

Playing
-Missing a first beat
-Accelerating a ballad
-Slowing down a fast song
-Playing in front of the bass
-Throwing sticks in the air
-Playing the theme when soloing
-Playing louder during the horn solos

...

 

LOL! The best part is having seen it before (or similar).

 

I'll always get in line to bash a drummer. Personal pet peeve:

Groove avoidance - When the bassist finds the pocket, they just change the beat. $5,000 fine (or stick insertion.)


I play regularly with a guy that does this. I used to get miffed, but I have decided that he honestly is not bright enough to recall the beat he was playing 10 seconds ago, so I cut him some slack.

 

I think there should be an addition for "fingerboard position markers..."

 

ok but I aint payin!

 

I owe $1650...

 

Reminds me of this for some reason:

http://www.angelfire.com/yt3/redtele/bass.html

 

I'm not going to add that uo, because I got an immediate dismissal! LOL!

 

yikes... im afraid to ask the fines for using effects....