I got this from my piano buddy... maybe some of you have already seen it. BASSIST INFRACTION NOTIFICATION FORM NAME OF OFFENDER: ___________________________ INFRACTION DATE: _____________________________ MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES: [ ] Playing loudly during warm up $10 [ ] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25 [ ] Loud cursing after mistake $10 [ ] Playing high and fast after mistake $20 [ ] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20 [ ] Asking for "E" tuning note $25 [ ] Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50 [ ] Playing written-out walking line $50 [ ] Failure to play written walking line $75 [ ] Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50 [ ] Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50 [ ] Playing eighth notes $5 each [ ] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each [ ] Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal [ ] Dragging fast tempo $75 [ ] Dragging ballad tempo $100 [ ] Blacking out during ballad $200 [ ] Ignoring drummer's tempo $100 [ ] Following drummer's tempo $250 [ ] Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000 UPRIGHT PLAYERS [ ] Showing up before first downbeat $25 [ ] Playing audibly $25 [ ] Faking changes $25 [ ] Slapping $150 [ ] Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25 [ ] Excessive sweating $25 [ ] Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50 [ ] Asking leader for a solo $30 [ ] Accepting solo when offered $50 [ ] Taking second chorus $100 [ ] Playing solo arco $400 [ ] Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100 [ ] Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200 [ ] Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500 ELECTRIC PLAYERS [ ] Checking hair between tunes $15 [ ] Experimenting with odd meters $25 [ ] Missing root at end of blistering fill $25 [ ] Playing with a pick $50 [ ] Tuning during ballad $30 [ ] Playing Jaco groove on samba $75 [ ] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150 [ ] Attempting last word on final chord $50 [ ] Achieving last word on final chord $100 [ ] Long gliss down to final note $200 EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC [ ] Forgetting strap $10 [ ] Changing strings after every set $15 [ ] Using electric tuner $15 [ ] Setting up mic "just in case" $75 [ ] Forgetting to turn amp on $40 [ ] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50 [ ] Asking horn player for help moving amp $25 [ ] Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4 [ ] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass [ ] Skull decals on bass $150 [ ] Bringing fretless bass $500 CRIMINAL BAD TASTE [ ] Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10 [ ] Asking bone player about their day gig $10 [ ] Sitting behind drums on break $10 [ ] Quoting "Birdland" $25 [ ] Practicing scales during break $25 [ ] Practicing scales during drum solo $50 [ ] Practicing $150 [ ] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50 [ ] Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are into sequencing" $10 BASIC STUPIDITY [ ] Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10 [ ] Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20 [ ] Asking when the rock set starts $20 [ ] Continually asking "where are we?" $25 [ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25 [ ] Asking bone player where "1" is $50 [ ] Taking cellphone call during 4's $100
I got two to add: Overuse of harmonics, esp. the octave ones Hitting the low E loudly, regardless of key/chord/etc. Though they're nice sometimes lol
BASSIST INFRACTION NOTIFICATION FORM NAME OF OFFENDER: ____Aaron Saunders_________ INFRACTION DATE: _______January 7th, 2004________ MUSICAL OFFENSES FINES: [-] Playing loudly during warm up $10 [-] Sound-checking amp with funk slapping $25 [-] Loud cursing after mistake $10 [-] Playing high and fast after mistake $20 [-] Practicing 2-handed tapping between tunes $20 [ ] Asking for "E" tuning note $25 [-] Playing E anyway when horns tune to Bb $50 [-] Playing written-out walking line $50 [-] Failure to play written walking line $75 [-] Writing note names over ledger-line notes $50 [ ] Writing beat numbers under dotted figures $50 [-] Playing eighth notes $5 each [-] Playing sixteenth notes $10 each [-] Playing above 1st octave immediate dismissal [-] Dragging fast tempo $75 [ ] Dragging ballad tempo $100 [-] Blacking out during ballad $200 [ ] Ignoring drummer's tempo $100 [-] Following drummer's tempo $250 [ ] Asking to borrow Real Book for All Of Me $1000 UPRIGHT PLAYERS [-] Showing up before first downbeat $25 [-] Playing audibly $25 [-] Faking changes $25 [ ] Slapping $150 [ ] Missing tutti lick, then mentioning vintage of bass $25 [ ] Excessive sweating $25 [ ] Pedal point double-stops during horn solo $50 [ ] Asking leader for a solo $30 [-] Accepting solo when offered $50 [ ] Taking second chorus $100 [ ] Playing solo arco $400 [-] Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100 [ ] Playing "A Train" ending on every tune $200 [ ] Playing extended "A Train" ending on every tune $500 ELECTRIC PLAYERS [-] Checking hair between tunes $15 [-] Experimenting with odd meters $25 [-] Missing root at end of blistering fill $25 [-] Playing with a pick $50 [ ] Tuning during ballad $30 [-] Playing Jaco groove on samba $75 [-] Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150 [-] Attempting last word on final chord $50 [-] Achieving last word on final chord $100 [-] Long gliss down to final note $200 EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC [ ] Forgetting strap $10 [ ] Changing strings after every set $15 [-] Using electric tuner $15 [ ] Setting up mic "just in case" $75 [-] Forgetting to turn amp on $40 [ ] Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50 [ ] Asking horn player for help moving amp $25 [ ] Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4 [-] Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass [ ] Skull decals on bass $150 [-] Bringing fretless bass $500 CRIMINAL BAD TASTE [ ] Telling bone player about all the gigs you get $10 [ ] Asking bone player about their day gig $10 [ ] Sitting behind drums on break $10 [ ] Quoting "Birdland" $25 [-] Practicing scales during break $25 [-] Practicing scales during drum solo $50 [-] Practicing $150 [ ] Beginning a sentence with "When I was a guitar player..." $50 [ ] Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you are into sequencing" $10 BASIC STUPIDITY [ ] Wearing old Buddy Rich tour shirt $10 [ ] Wearing new Whitesnake tour shirt $20 [ ] Asking when the rock set starts $20 [-] Continually asking "where are we?" $25 [ ] Continually shouting "Yeah!" $25 [ ] Asking bone player where "1" is $50 [ ] Taking cellphone call during 4's $100 Total owed: $2,655 (not counting 8th notes and 16th notes), immediate dismissal
haha i do that train all the time. I'm guessing that all basses do it because were bloody awesome. Like one time my conductor for all-region, was a bass player, and after the first song the whole section of basses were still playing, and he said,"Now that's when I know I have bass players."
"Pretending to check tuning after playing out of tune $100" I seriously hurt myself laughing about this one.
Very good. Let's start a list for drummers. Equipment -Using a double bass pedal -Pretending a double bass pedal is useful -Hitting hard the snare -Using a Chinese ride -Using more than 2 toms -Bringing a cowbell -Puttin a Teddy Bear on the drum set for luck Playing -Missing a first beat -Accelerating a ballad -Slowing down a fast song -Playing in front of the bass -Throwing sticks in the air -Playing the theme when soloing -Playing louder during the horn solos ...
I'll always get in line to bash a drummer. Personal pet peeve: Groove avoidance - When the bassist finds the pocket, they just change the beat. $5,000 fine (or stick insertion.) I play regularly with a guy that does this. I used to get miffed, but I have decided that he honestly is not bright enough to recall the beat he was playing 10 seconds ago, so I cut him some slack.