Being friends with poor people...I'm not sure it's possible.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by glocke1, Feb 17, 2018.

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  1. glocke1

    glocke1 Supporting Member

    Apr 30, 2002
    I'm sure this thread will ruffle some feathers, thats not my intention but this is something I want to discuss.

    I've got people from all walks of life in my social circle, from responsible professionals to folks that are pretty poor due to either misfortunate, or circumstances beyond their control, laziness/not preparing for adulthood appropriately.

    First off, Im not rich by any stretch of the imagination. Rich to me basically means you don't have to work. Im just a guy who has nice things. I have nice things because I've been working for awhile (Im 50) and it's really only been within the past 10 years or so that Ive been able to afford those things, and while I make good money at my job in pharma, should i lose that job Im in deep doo-doo after 6 months when my savings runs out.

    With that out of the way, I can't help but notice more and more how resentful my poor "friends" are of the things I own. I'm pretty much at the point where Im ready to ditch them because it makes me uncomfortable being around them due to the snide comments that get made.

    It sort of sucks because I like some of these people, but am just simply tired of fielding the asinine comments that get made with regards to the things I own or how I choose to spend my hard earned money.

    FWIW, I've hung with people who have way more than I will ever have in this lifetime, and I never had any thought of jealousy or sense of resentment with regards to what they have enter my mind. On the contrary, I like spending time around these guys precisely because they have nice things..nicer home than me, nicer furniture, nicer pool (well, I dont even have one of those so any pool is nicer).
    10cc, bdplaid, Stewie26 and 2 others like this.
  2. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    There are plenty of rich people who covet their neighbors' goods as well, and poor people who don't (such as yourself, apparently). Perhaps they are not really friends.

    Let's just say that is not what I have observed.
  3. JACink


    Mar 9, 2011
    I honestly don't think rich or poor has anything to do with it, just the mentality of each individual person.
  4. Stumbo

    Stumbo Guest

    Feb 11, 2008
    Jealousy, envy, resentment, idolatry, apathy, prevarication, capriciousness, gluttony, delusions, covetousness, grift, manipulativeness, rudeness, illmanners, illogic, callousness, and poor impulse control, among others, are NOT only in the domain of people with limited financial means.
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2018
  5. DirtDog


    Jun 7, 2002
    The Deep North
    You are not your “things”. Don’t let your possessions define you.
  6. PlanZero


    Jan 24, 2018
    At the root of it is the have and have nots. I find myself editing myself when it comes to conversations regarding all my "stuff" when I'm around have nots out of courtesy. I spent the last couple years arranging my finances so I don't have to work (at the moment at least) but I'm nowhere near wealth status so when conversing with other "haves" I don't exactly fit in. It's all relative to the context but I get what you're saying.
    Munjibunga, Pbassmanca and Stumbo like this.
  7. I think the issue is not "being friends with poor people", but "being friends with jealous, resentful people". They're independent issues, in my experience. I've known gracious and generous people at all socio-economic levels, and nasty bitter people at all socio-economic levels. The latter are not welcome in my life.
    bassista6, Nashrakh, Gorn and 3 others like this.
  8. glocke1

    glocke1 Supporting Member

    Apr 30, 2002

    I get what you saying, but thats really not what this is about...It's about interactions with people of less means.
  9. DirtDog


    Jun 7, 2002
    The Deep North
    Curious to know how you know they have less means and how they know you have more means? Do you compare pay checks or something?
  10. glocke1

    glocke1 Supporting Member

    Apr 30, 2002
    I think the majority of the time its pretty obvious when people are poor and when people aren't poor, but if you must know, one guy in question works as a delivery driver for a local produce company. I hooked him up with that job also so know how much it pays. Another guy doesn't work at all, except for odd jobs when he feels like it and never has any money to even go out for a beer...etc..etc..

    I work in Pharma, they know it..know that means $$$...they know I drive an expensive vehicle, have expensive toys, etc..etc..
    bdplaid likes this.
  11. jasmangan


    Jul 13, 2008
    It sounds like they have let laziness and envy into their lives. If your friends would open their eyes and look around they would see that they themselves are financially better off than others.
    Munjibunga likes this.
  12. JRA

    JRA my words = opinion Gold Supporting Member

    "winners are people who have the most stuff"
    "whoever has the most toys wins"

    i wouldn't waste a lot of time feeling guilty (that's what it is, inevitably) about having more than your so-called friends. they're responsible for their miserable life circumstances. if they can't be trusted to adore you when you're one-up (and they're one-down)...are they really your friends?

    cast them off and find friends who are truly worthy. 'character' is everything!

    Son of Wobble and DirtDog like this.
  13. I would be putting a lot more attention towards securing my future (investments, passive income, etc) than on toys, etc.

    If someone is ostentatious, lacks taste or has no discretion, it's the person that turns others off and not their money. Don't be that guy (I'm assuming you're not!).

    Learn how to respond to your friends with kindness and speak encouraging words to them. They will respect you more and hopefully change their tune.
    petrus61 likes this.
  14. DirtDog


    Jun 7, 2002
    The Deep North
    So, you’re saying their impression of your relative affluence comes from the fact that you have a lot of expensive things and that affects their attitude towards you?
    petrus61, MordBass and blastoff99 like this.
  15. DirtDog


    Jun 7, 2002
    The Deep North
    JRA likes this.
  16. Pbassmanca

    Pbassmanca In the pocket n' thumpy. So woody, so greasy...

    He who dies with the most friends wins.
  17. Killed_by_Death

    Killed_by_Death Snaggletooth Inactive

    This is the primary reason I can't reconnect with old friends, well that combined with the fact that I can't even recall who were my old friends.
    I can't say they're less fortunate than I, because they just make bad choices, a LOT!

    We'll be sitting having beers at $5/pint & they'll be moaning about how they can't afford to get a new tire on their vehicle, or can't afford a $100 purse.
    I want to say, "Put down the beer glass & cigarettes & start saving money instead of blowing it all". However, I'm not close enough with them to say something as outlandish as that & I'm sure they'd take it very badly.

    For our high school reunion folks couldn't afford the $30 for the renting the ballroom & the catered meal, and I'm talking about folks who live locally (and single).
    It's ironic actually, because the other half like to boast about how well-off they are.

    None of my former less than well-off friends have made snide comments to me about having nice things, but TBH the only thing they see is the vehicle I show up in.
    One did give me crap for having lived abroad so long, like I should be ashamed of it or something.
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2018
    saabfender likes this.
  18. Have we really define what is poor people yet? Is it a low paying job living week to week? being homeless? Owning a clunker for a car? Being on food stamps? Unemployed? Where are we at here?
  19. Son of Wobble

    Son of Wobble

    Mar 8, 2010
    Your formula necessitates dying early relative to your friends. No win in that. So may I suggest as an alternative:

    "He who buries the most friends wins."

    Whist burying dead friends, I am gonna toss some of JRA's stuff in the grave to diminish his rankings and leverage my lead.

    Must have most toys!
  20. JRA

    JRA my words = opinion Gold Supporting Member

    probably a state of mind...on the part of the beholder.
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