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Being stalked: Venting and informing

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by BassistJ, Sep 4, 2003.

  1. BassistJ


    Mar 20, 2001
    Hemet, CA USA
    Well, ya'll may have noticed I've been quiet all summer (well, that is if you pay attention to me at all.;) ), and I'm sorry to say that it's not because I've been so bogged down with gigs I can't see straight. Nope, I've been spending the past 2 1/2 months getting stalked. And not the good "rock star" kinda stalking. More like the baaaaaad "rock star" kinda stalking.

    I've been stressed beyond belief. Strange and often insulting messages left on my driveway and walkway to my house, phone calls at all hours, and being hounded online almost all night (hence why I ain't been around). I thought ignoring it would make it go away (and sometimes it does) but in my case it has'nt. It's only gotten worse. Hell, I'm being IMed from four different SNs belonging to the same person as we speak. I had to turn on the indication "ping" just to hear myself think.

    Up untill this started I thought stalking was only something that happened to celeberties and spurned lovers. It's not, and I'm finding out the hard way. And it's easy to get down on myself, think that its my fault. I know it's not, but you start feeling like that anyway. Especially me, who has a big emotional problem not being liked.

    Anyways, other then venting I wanted to share a little bit of what I've learned, since this tends to happen more to younger people (late teens, early-to-mid twenties) and I know we have alot of youngun's on here.

    1.If you think your being stalked, GO TO THE POLICE! Even if to just give them the basic info. Get a relationship started so that if it continues you have something to go off of. Cops, in general, don't like going out of the way to solve "small" crimes so expect to do alot of the leg work yourself (Don't let that deture you. They'll help you any way they can, they want to help, but often in most towns the police are WAY overworked).

    2. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! This includes printing out E-mails and instant messages, keeping a log of when you see strange people outside your house, and recording and transcripting any phone conversations you may have with the person stalking you.

    3. BE PREPARED! In order to take control back of your life you have to make steps to stop whats going on. And one of them is to always be prepared for when and if the stalker decides to disturb you. In general, I like to keep it light so I stick with a new pen, a small notebook that fits in your back pocket, a cell phone (for calling 991 or a police call number if necessary) and a small, disposable camera. Try to get everything you can (pictures of cars, liscence plate numbers, the people themselves), log everything that happens, and by no means carry a weapon. BIG MISTAKE. A weapon, unless your trained to use it, can be taken and used on you very easily. Having the phone company put a trap on your phone is also good, as is getting a small tape recorder with a suction-cup microphone for recording conversations and voice messages.

    4. TALK ABOUT IT! You'd be suprised how many people have gone through it. And everyone I've met who has had it happen to them (and many that have'nt, suprisingly) have been more then happy to help me work through this.

    5...and most importently...IT'S NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

    ...sorry for the long post, but I had alot of guts to spill. Thanks for listening.
  2. Wow....sorry to hear that! Hope your situation gets resolved!
  3. Human beings can be very strange.

    It sounds to me like you are responding to an awkward and pretty twisted situation with good sense and judgement. You are absolutely right that it is entirely the fault of the wierdo who is putting you through this, and nothing at all to be ashamed of.

    Good luck, and don't let it getcha down.

    :eek:, :confused:, :(
  4. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Then perhaps better advice would be to get a weapon and get training on how to use it. It doesn't take much time or money to get competently trained with certain defensive weapons. Of course in many areas of California your options are limited by a gov't that would seemingly rather see it's citizens murdered than to have any harm come to it's vast and varied collection of criminals. No decent human wants to bring serious harm to another but if it comes down to him or me I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure it's him.

    brad cook
  5. BaroqueBass


    Jul 8, 2000
    Salem, OR
    Do you know who this person is?
  6. Killdar


    Dec 16, 2002
    Portland Maine
    To help the cause, I will publish an online "to slap" list, and will put the names of stalkers and other stupid people on it, so that person can be slapped, sodomized, whatever. That person would SO be on the list if I had a list right now, and if I knew their name.

    Better than weapon training would be some form of martial arts, where weapons wouldn't need to be used at all, just in case.

    Good luck!
  7. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    Holey Moley.......Do you know who is stalking and why?
  8. BassistJ


    Mar 20, 2001
    Hemet, CA USA
    Thanks for all the support and whatnot. It really helps. To answer a few questions, no I don't know who's doing it. I have an idea but I don't know. And as for why...theres literaly a myrid of reasons why someone could become a stalker. Obsession, low self-esteem, anger, or no logical reason at all. I don't know what my case falls under yet.

    And on the topic of weapons, while I could easily obtain a legal weapon and be trained to use it, I prefer not to. If I have my way I won't be confronting whoever is going this except on the other side of a restraining order. And, especially in cases of stalking, violence can only lead to more violence.

    Also, to add to the growing list of annoyences this person has done, she's just left a number of insulting signings in my bands guestbook. You can mess with me, fine. You can make me not feel safe in my home. But desecrating my band's GB is going TO FAR! ;)
  9. Wait...why would someone stalk a bassist?


    I hope everything works out.
  10. Matt Till

    Matt Till

    Jun 1, 2002
    Edinboro, PA
    I've been stalked a couple of times. At first it's like... "OH yeah, the ladies can't resist my masculine charm..." then it's... "I kinda wish this person would leave me alone..." then it's... "I think I'm going to do all that's in my power to stay away from that person for all of my life."

    Kudos on posting advice for people who are being stalked or may become stalked. Very good advice. :)

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