Being whipped

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by James_B, Jul 22, 2009.

  1. Is it possible to be in a good relationship with a female with out being completely whipped out your own mind?

    I've taken a few years to develop myself into the person that I want to be, I'm still not where I want to be. I'm honestly just terrified if I get into a serious relationship all that work I put into myself will just be tossed about the door. If I do enter one am I no longer allowed to work on myself or is it all about her needs?

    I asked my friend today why he puts up with this crap. His response was "That's what having a girlfriend is about". I hope that, that's what having a girlfriend isn't about and more of him just being lazy.

    Am I just being paranoid or what?

    I'm about to call this hot blond I've been seeing lately and just tell her to get away from me.


    Bass is calming my frustrated young mind tonight:D
  2. if you think a relationship is all about the girl, you are very wrong.

    Also, you can't base other people's relationships off of your own, and vise-a-versa.

    Just take it slow and easy, and don't make long-range plans. Keep long-range stuff tenuous at best (if she brings it up, tell you'll cross that bridge when you come to it).

    and, above all, trust your gut.

    other than that...

    ...why are you worried about being tied down at 20? is your girl into that or something?
  3. I don't know why I'm afraid of being tied down at 20. Well it might have to be with how like every male influences I had growing up all have been tied down at around my age. Also how a good number of my family members and friends seem to be getting "tied down" at a young age.

    know what would cheer me up and make me forget about all this. Getting drunk and inviting a bunch of girls over and partying....oh wait I live at home:(
  4. dave64o

    dave64o Talkbass Top 10 all time lowest talent/gear ratio! Gold Supporting Member

    NEVER put up with that crap from a girl. EVER. If that's what you get from a girl then you've got the wrong girl, plain and simple. A girl who is interested in you because you're you and is interested in a relationship instead of a project is the kind of girl that will be your partner rather than an adversary. THAT'S the kind of girl you want.

    My qualifications for making an unwaveringly bold statement like that? I've been married 19+ years and I learned that lesson the hard way. Actually, learning that lesson was the easy part. TEACHING that lesson to my wife and getting her to realize that marriage is a partnership rather than a battle for control and domination was (well, kind of still is) the hard part.
  5. You might just tell yourself to relax. You are really over-thinking this...and trust me, you'll make your soul die even more by over-thinking.

    Also, is she being too serious or something? is she pursuing a degree in higher enducation? undergrad or grad school? how about you?

    also this. Remember, it takes 2 to tango.
  6. Me and the blond have only gone on a few dates, haven't even kissed her yet and I'm afraid like this. Is there something wrong with me?

    It's all my friends and family members that are getting me all worked up. My other good friend failed a bunch of classes because, get this, seriously please be sitting for this. He failed classes because he didn't go to class because he was waiting around for his girlfriend to be done with class so they could do it. He failed classes. I had another friend of mine tell me that the attitude "I can do better then this" when it comes to relationships, isn't the right one to have. Granted her boyfriend is rich as hell but come on.

    Is it not horribly apparent that my friends just give up with life when they get a girlfriend or boyfriend.

    The friend who told me about the attitude also said that she's been through the ropes and is fine with settling now. She's a year older then me.

    As for education I'm going to a local college, finishing with a diploma in Chemical technology. Then hopefully going to a University for a degree in a related field to my diploma... or not, that's another 2 years from now:D

    Sorry about grammar
  7. Yes. it's called over-thinking.
    That's his problem. Learn from lack of mental fortitude and thinking with the other head.
    Better in what way? "better" is a very subjective term.

    I could date a girl who weighs less than my current girlfriend. That could be seen as "better". But I'm not, because she'd have some other problem (like be certifiably insane or something...). Despite my girlfriend being a tad on the large side (NOT a problem, i assure you ;)) I love her for who she is.

    That's her. This is you. Grow a pair and quit letting people think for you.
    Good. Focus on school. All the rest of the crap can happen later.

    Make sure your blonde is like-minded. That's why you're "Dating". You aren't married, it's not like you can't go back.

    The way I see it, congrats, you are yourself...
  8. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    You're not ready for a serious relationship. Keep working on yourself bro.

  9. My stuff was TL;DR

  10. curandero


    Feb 19, 2009
    Tucson, AZ
    For the life of me, I'll never understand guys who let themselves get ***** whipped. And they make the worst band mates EVER. I swear crackheads are more dependable.
  11. This man isn't ***** whipped, he's self-whipped. he did it himself, without the girl's help. That's like cutting your own nards off.
  12. curandero


    Feb 19, 2009
    Tucson, AZ
    Wasn't pointing fingers, just sayin'.:D
  13. lol, i know.

    But you're right. :D Coming from a guy who was there once...
  14. bongomania

    bongomania Supporting Member Commercial User

    Oct 17, 2005
    PDX, OR
    owner, OVNIFX and OVNILabs
    Being whipped is actually kind of gratifying, but I generally prefer to be the one doing the whipping.
  15. Kyon`


    Aug 17, 2007
    Boston, MA
    I never got this whole whipped thing... I think what being whipped really is the guy putting himself in that mind set, over thinking it, looking at others, and taking advices from those he shouldn't. All relationships are two way streaks, and each one works on a different individual level. Some relationships work without you having to change a thing and some don't. Like becoming a teacher wouldn't have as much bearing compared to becoming and an antarctic explorer.
  16. Korladis

    Korladis Inactive

    I'm always distrustful of the phrase "whipped." I feel like it's thrown around a lot by guys' single friends who are butthurt about the fact that the dude has better things to do than hang out with them all the time and maybe isn't being a lazy, good for nothing slob in his house.

    One person's "whipped" is another person's "sharing the housework to ensure a nice home and domestic peace and tranquility." Some people would probably call me whipped just because I clean up my place when she's coming over, and when she's staying over longer, we do the chores together. Some guys seem to think that doing chores at all is "whipped." I call it being responsible. Relationships take effort and responsibility, from both people, usually in roughly equal amounts for good ones. If you're not prepared to put in some effort, you simply shouldn't have a relationship. Simple as that. If you're not willing to put in some effort practicing, you shouldn't take up an instrument, either. Same deal.
  17. rcarraher


    Dec 21, 2008
    Being in a relationship, any relationship is about compromise, adapting so that you can get along. Its supposed to be something you WANT to do, because you like/love the other person and don't mind compromising
  18. curandero


    Feb 19, 2009
    Tucson, AZ
    Being responsible and letting your woman control your life are two very different things.
  19. Korladis

    Korladis Inactive

    Oh yes, that's exactly what I'm saying, a lot of people seem to interpret any extra effort one goes to as a result of being in a relationship as being "controlled." Neither partner should control the other's life. I've always been a little leery of the phrase "your woman" or "my woman," though, it sounds a little too possessive. She's not "my woman" any more than I'm "her man." We're both people, not possessions. Maybe silly, I know.

    It seems like many people expect one person in the relationship to go to all the work. That applies to both genders. One simply can't go into a relationship and expect to not have to put in any effort. It just doesn't work that way. No one should be "the boss" in a relationship, IMO (except in some forms of bed play), it should be an equal partnership. Both people should expect that they might have to compromise on some things. It's perfectly acceptable, also, to have some very important things one won't compromise on, and those things should be out in the open. I'd never give up bass or music in general, for instance. And it's not something my ladyfriend would ever ask me to do.
  20. She likes it like that? :eyebrow: or is it a mutual thing?