Best bassist ad EVER!

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by jondog, Dec 7, 2005.

  1. jondog


    Mar 14, 2002
    NYC metro area
    I wish I was a bigger loser so I could un-join this band!

    need a bass player who is a real loser

    Reply to:
    Date: 2005-12-07, 9:16AM EST

    who wants to be the 4th (5th?) bass player to flake out on us? preferably we need someone who is either:

    a) a totally inspired shredding genius but at the same time an unreliable loser who will blow off rehearsals without calling.

    b) a mediocre, inexperienced dolt who we can shower with attention and gratitude (hey, you showed up twice in a row! woo hoo!). we look forward to investing months in showing you parts, teaching you how to use your effects etc only to have you decide you have better things to do.

    we'll pay extra if you are a really cool guy, since we'll be getting that much more in the way of hurtful, crippling disappointment when you bail out on us. we'll pay even more if you can push us over the edge and permanently sour us on doing music altogether.

    you're probably looking for an already-in-motion situation where others before you have done 90% of the work and all you have to do is show up and play a few shows. we have the situation for you! we have lots of songs written, we play 1-2 shows per month, and we're getting ready to do another record. some of the music is tricky and a little on the prog side, but don't worry-- we're dying to spend 4-5 rehearsals showing you how to play your parts.

    our influences are all over the place, but fear not-- we'll make you countless mix CDs with music by similar-sounding bands. you'll never bother listening to them, and you'll just nod and smile like an idiot when we say "yeah, this is similar to that Godspeed track on CD #1" or "think of that CAN riff, you know from that 20 minute song on CD #2?"

    we have a cozy space that's easy to get to by subway or car, and we have our own PA, gear and transportation. you'll need to borrow money from us so that you can have your own bass, amp and pedals, but that's no problem-- that's why we have jobs that we went to college for! if you need a little walking around money or can't support your drug habit just let us know and we'll work something out.

    are you the bass player for us? drop us a line and we'll find out!
    this is in or around nyc
  2. daofktr

    daofktr irritating, yet surly

    Feb 15, 2005
    aurora, IN
    that is some funny/painful stuff!
    now i wish i were in nyc, just to disappoint them!
  3. slugworth

    slugworth Banned

    Jun 12, 2003
    So. Calif.
    Sounds more like a "drummer wanted" ad to me.

  4. WalterBush


    Feb 27, 2005
    Yuma, Az
    Ahh, the power we bassists have on the minds of other bandmembers :) I feel sorry for these guys. The sarcasm will be ignored, and they'll get exactly what they're saying they want, most likely.
  5. bannedwit


    May 9, 2005
    Buffalo, NY
    They need to realize that WE rule the roost!

    It is all about US and OUR needs. Not theirs.

    Maybe they are jsut not worthy enough of a band to use our frequencies?

    just joking. That is pretty funny. I knew as a bassist, that I would always have a need by someone because their are a billion guitarists out there and bands without bassists.

    These guys are pretty funny.
  6. is that a reall ad? I should show up to an audtion with your old bass i bought from you that would be funny, atleast to me :-\
  7. txbasschik


    Nov 11, 2005
    Leander, Texas
    Nice to know they're not bitter at *all*!

    Gosh, I just want to move myself up to NYC so I can help these sweet boys! ;-)

  8. chaosMK


    May 26, 2005
    Albuquerque, NM
    Hi-fi into an old tube amp
    Usually with that type of situation, the problem is that the band sucks.

    That was the case with my previous and current band. They both were kind of crappy bands and had bassists flaking out left and right until Dr. Thunda showed up. Dr. Thunda taught current band the dark arts of prog music and its been kicking ever since.
  9. Yeah, that title helps. Who doesn't want highly creative and "nearly virtuosic" players in their bands?
  10. Hi,
    I put one in a paper recently.

    Went something like: 20 year old male bass player seeks band. I have s##t gear and not that good but am willing to learn your songs.

    I have an audition next month :hyper:

  11. Do I detect a hint of cynicism and disillusionment in that ad? Poor guys sound like they're at their wits end finding a team player. (IMO, Not an easy task these days. I feel for 'em).
  12. Mach1FT


    Jan 5, 2006
    Manchester NH
    Reply to:
    Date: 2005-11-27, 3:20PM EST

    26 miles from Walmart, Claremont, NH, 53 year old woman beginner bass player seeks drummer and guitarist to try to jam, cold basement, about 60 degrees, wear warm sweaters and ski cap. 802-875-4038 anyone 21 or over,
    cannot bring any marijuana to rehearsal, I'm a political candidate trying to legalize marijuana, did one video on public access t.v. a year ago, just me singing and playing bass doing my make marijuana legal campaign song If I can get a good band going I'd like to do some more videos on public access t.v. but with songs on a variety of topics. Right now, my main objective is to get back in to playing again. Used to play in a punk/metal band in Hollywood, CA in the late 80's and early 90's. Also, used to play in blues rock semi-jazz band. But haven't played in ten years. Totally believe that musicians should have a right to a bud 'n a bud 'n a bud for rehearsal. Gotta play it straight while on the campaign trail. If you smoke, don't tell me, just take a hike down the road when you need a break from rehearsal.

    * this is in or around 26 mi. from Walmart, Claremont NH
    * no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

  13. buzzbass

    buzzbass Shoo Shoo Retarded Flu !

    Apr 23, 2003
    I finally have a nomination. Check this one out from, LOL

    Hello, we are drums, vocals, and guitar, and we are the top players at our instruments in the area. We just need you to fill out the bottom end. Why are bassists so damn hard to come by. I don't understand why, you are not dying to respond to this add. I know that you will now. Aren't you sick of seeing the same bands, playing the same lame ass songs. I know that I am. We are looking to do something completely different than what everybody else is doing. Stick to the new KROCK format. Classic rock for the next generation. If you like rock from 87 to 95, with some others thrown in, than give me a call. We want to make NERDS type of money, and we will not start out at the bottom. We are, I repeat, the best players on our instruments in the area. There is none better. Let me discribe ourselves
    Guitar: Page meets Beck meets Vaughn
    Drums: Bonham meets Matt Cameron meets Peart
    Vocals: Plant meets Coverdale meets Tate
    After reading this so far I don't know why you would not be interested. Here is some songs that we intend to play
    Led Zepplin: Achilles Last Stand
    Jimi Hendrix: Fire
    Chili Peppers: Suck My Kiss
    Soundgarden: Spoonman
    Queen: Bicycle Race
    Pearl Jam: Yellow Ledbetter
    Jamariguai: Virtual Insanity
    Stone Temple Pilots: Ladies Picture Show
    U2: Virtigo
    Velvet Revolver: Slither
    Guns N' Roses: Estranged
    Audioslave: I Am The Highway
    Have I touched on everything, I think I have. There are no band that are doing this, or even have the chops to do this. This is not about production, gimmicks, or schtick, this band iss about raw power, chops, and muscianship. No cheesy jokes for crowd involvement, we just want you to know that at the end of the night, you just witnessed the best damn cover band that you ever saw. That's right THE BEST. So what are you waiting for. One more thing, we do not have day jobs, and we don't intend on getting them. This band is very serious. We intend on taking over the state, the tri state area, and eventually the world. We don't care what you look like or do in your spare time, just show up with the material learned. Backing vocals would also be a plus. Are ages range from 25 to 35. We want to be the best. This is not a fun thing. If you don't have fun playing why play at all. We want to be the best. If you are interested, and I know you are call me Robert, at 973-706-8015. Or email me at I prefer a phone call over email, unless it is a must. I think that emails are very impersonal. But if you feel more comfortable that way I understand. So what are you waiting for, let's rock. Catch you later man.
  14. Wow, what a well worded, thoughtful, and intelligent ad. I know that if I lived in there area I'd be eager to join a bunch of people willingly comparing themselves to Led Zeppelin and claiming that they're the best players in their state. No egos there, nope, no sir...
  15. Lorenzini


    Dec 31, 2004
    Los Angeles
  16. buzzbass

    buzzbass Shoo Shoo Retarded Flu !

    Apr 23, 2003
    I've already developed a nasty blister from dilaing the # so many times. This is going RAWK :D
  17. txbasschik


    Nov 11, 2005
    Leander, Texas
    <<<There are no band that are doing this, or even have the chops to do this. >>>


    Confident boys, aren't they?

    Cherie ;-)
  18. Well there's the problem; he's "touched" alright, and he evidently dosen't have the "thinking" thing down to well either.