1. Please take 30 seconds to register your free account to remove most ads, post topics, make friends, earn reward points at our store, and more!  
    TalkBass.com has been uniting the low end since 1998.  Join us! :)

Best "Bassist Available" Ads????????

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Jay Terrien, Jan 25, 2005.

  1. If you are like me, these kind of ads MAKE YOUR DAY! This one is truly genius:


    Reply to: bradisfunky@yahoo.com
    Date: 2005-01-24, 1:11AM PST

    my name is brad, but you can call me 'action boy'. i am a bass ninja. i will kill you with my bass. i am looking for people who want me to kill them. i'm like, you know, pretty good, me n this other guy are like a tie for best on electric at csulb and i'm like third on classical upright, but straight shoota, numba one, ichiban at jazz. oh yeah, i forgot to mention, i am the funkiest bass player in existence. like i'm half white and half japanese but soulful black people like my friend carnell are always wanting me to play with them. bands that kill me are sly and the family stone, lakeside, old prog rock like rush and new prog rock like bad dudes, and zapp n roger. plus jazz frickin rules. one time i stared at marcus miller for like an hour at IAJE. it was intense. and like i study with crazy guys that kill me and they think i'm pretty okay most of the time. one time i played this crazy lick and my friend chris was like '***?!? damn you are crazy at bass.' and this other time i was gonna smack dave weckl on the ass but i chickened out and got his autograph instead. also aikido is pretty fun. and i can do handstands for like two minutes.

  2. Ethon


    Jan 25, 2003
    Akron, Ohio
    Fess up...you wrote that yourself, didnt you?

    Shame, shame, shame....

  3. That's too amazing.
  4. JonTheBassGuy


    Dec 12, 2004
    I wish i was the funkiest bassist alive. I WISH I WAS THE BASS NINJA! :smug:
  5. dude! he's like, ok for most of the time and he kills his friends with his bass, so leave him be! plus, I too have had the urge to smack dave weckl's ass!

    seriously, tho,
    that's one hell of an essay.
  6. Edwcdc

    Edwcdc I call shotgun!

    Jul 21, 2003
    Columbia MD USA
    and I'm like third on classical upright. :D
  7. Atshen


    Mar 13, 2003
    Grim Cold Québec
    I think he forgot his Ritalin.
  8. seanm

    seanm I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize! Supporting Member

    Feb 19, 2004
    Ottawa, Canada
    Now I am depressed. I looked up my ranking for electric at csulb and he was like "Dude, what comes after trillions?" :(
  9. matrok


    Jan 10, 2005
    Ferndale, Michigan
    Haven't seen any good "bassist available" ads, but I do have a favorite "wanted" ad. From the late 70's/early 80's

    Do you play bass?

    Can you sing?

    Can you sing and play at the same time?

    Do you like punk/new wave music?

    If so, then stop reading and start dialing!!

    I thought it was so funny I took the ad. Hope they put it up somewhere else and got some calls.
  10. I think I know that guy... he must have escaped from the cage his parents keep him in. However it is of no consequence , because he may be BASS NINJA, but I am BUSHIDO a BASS a MASTA! I shall DE-head him with my mighty Ax (hehe) and then throw his body into my pig farm!
  11. theres like, these killa bands that, like are ichiban at csulb and like, kill him.

    Wonder if they need a hand killing him?
  12. mikemulcahy


    Jun 13, 2000
    The Abyss
    This is what happens when relatives marry.

  13. Mike is just jealous coz he has no REAL ULTIMATE POWER!
  14. Stinsok

    Stinsok Supporting Member

    Dec 16, 2002
    Central Alabama
    I saw a local ad for a jerk off singer. In his ad he told prospective bands that they "must have tons of equipment, because I am that good!"
  15. haha

    i read this ad in a local cd shop. basically a band looking for a bassist to join an emo/punk group. influences were lots of groups i never heard of etc.... (umm, Hed On The Doors was one...??)

    Anyway, some smart lad had written with his texta on the ad.

    "Who needs another emo band??? f**ker?"

  16. RollingMonkey


    Nov 11, 2004
    This doesn't totally relate to the topic, but I saw an ad for a band looking for a bassist. At the bottom it said "Warning: Some band members mildly retarded and prone to crying unexpectedly". I thought that was pretty funny.