Best dismissal EVER.

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Only, Jul 22, 2004.

  1. Only


    Sep 8, 2002
    Warrensburg, MO
    So I've jammed with this singer and drummer a few times now. They were looking to start up a band just for fun, writing original stuff, and needed a bassist and maybe a guitarist (the singer can strum chords while he's singing, but that's about it).

    They seemed like decent guys, but I didn't really have anything in common with them, either music taste-wise or personality-wise, so it wasn't a surprise when at a jam today the singer said "Look, you're a good guy, and we don't have any problems with you personally, but we don't think you fit in with the idea of the band we're trying to create."

    I think to myself, that's cool. Not like this band will gig for quite a while, so why spend a year not getting paid to play stuff you don't like? I'm thinking the same thing, we talk for a while, I'm out of the band, if I know any bass players I think would fit better, I'll send them this way, the singer and drummer will send other musicians my way, etc. It's all cool at this point.

    Then, after I pack up all my gear and get ready to leave, the singer says this: "Oh, before you go..." Hands me two sheets of paper, one blank notation, the other blank tab. "I just need you to write down all your basslines. In notation if the new guy can read it, in tab if he can't." I politely refuse, saying how I wrote all the basslines, and I'd really prefer the new guy to come up with his own, since I'm not going to get any money or recognition from this.

    He says, "But all your bass lines came after hearing the drums and chord progressions, so you wouldn't have written them without, so, in effect, WE own those basslines.

    I usually try not to burn my bridges, but this angered me quite a bit. So, naturally, I replied that if he wants to write them down, I can't really stop him, but I'm not going to help give away my work.

    He says "I can't write them out; I don't know them! So you have to write them out for me before you leave."

    This is the point where the drummer started laughing at the singer.

    I got to keep my basslines to myself. :D
  2. wulf


    Apr 11, 2002
    Oxford, UK
    I hear transcription is pretty well paid. Just tell him your hourly rate and how long it will take (especially if he also wants them in tab form)...

    Anyway, I thought you didn't fit musically with the band? They'll just have to go back to the recordings they made and let the new guy build on that. Er... they did record a few things, didn't they?

  3. Stinsok

    Stinsok Supporting Member

    Dec 16, 2002
    Central Alabama
    What an absolute idiot!
  4. cowsgomoo

    cowsgomoo gone to Longstanton Spice Museum

    Feb 8, 2003
    i'd be tempted to write out a load of stuff that'll amuse you later on if you ever go see the band play - like quotations from other songs and loads of obviously wrong notes :)
  5. Juneau


    Jul 15, 2004
    Dallas, TX.
    Thats hillarious hehehe
  6. Planet Boulder

    Planet Boulder Hey, this is a private Supporting Member

    Nov 10, 2001
    6,482 feet above sea level
    I once had impure thoughts. Oh, and I pluck my ear hair.
    What a STAGGERING idiot!!!!!

    I like the idea of quoting that buffoon an hourly rate...
  7. Mike Dimin

    Mike Dimin

    Dec 11, 1999
    Clinician: EA, Zon, Boomerang, TI. Author "The Art of Solo Bass"
    Been there -
    I was teaching at a small private school for troubled teens. I was very vocal about being paid a fair wage, etc. They wanted to get rid of me but could not, as I was union - so they dropped the whole music program. It was a cool program - complete midi and digital recording set up. Well a week after they dumped me, the roof fell in due to a big rain storm and destroyed most of the studio. They called me to come in and have a look. I did so out of pure curiosity ands a bit of vindictivness. When I had done surverying the carnage, they said that I needed to write everything up for their insurance. The value of everything, that whcih could be salvaged, etc.

    I politely responded that since I was no longer an employee, my rate was $125.00 per hour and that I might be willing to buy the items that could be salvaged. I never heard from them again. (not totally true - when the principal was fired, the new principal called me a few times to see if I'd like to come back to work there - not in this lifetime)

    The arrogance of some people is truly amazing

  8. thrash_jazz


    Jan 11, 2002
    Ottawa, Ontario, Canada
    Artist: JAF Basses, Circle K Strings
    And if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a wagon... :D
  9. bassmonkeee

    bassmonkeee Supporting Member

    Sep 13, 2000
    Decatur, GA
    Pics? :D

    Great storis, Only and Michael. :bassist:
  10. Mike Dimin

    Mike Dimin

    Dec 11, 1999
    Clinician: EA, Zon, Boomerang, TI. Author "The Art of Solo Bass"
    The real amazing part of my story is that this school would drop the entire music program to get rid of me. They would deny the students a cool and well rounded education just because they didn't like the fact that I could read a financial statement and know that they were ripping the teacher's off.

  11. supermonkey


    Mar 15, 2004
    Atlanta, GA
    Cutting one's nose off to spite one's face is, alongside certain other characteristics, the American way, Mike. They needed you more than they even knew.

    Only, that's just pure hilarity. I like the hourly transcription rate notion, but that lends way too much credence to this singer ass-clown's point.
    I doubt you'll miss that particular creative arrangement... ;)
  12. Mike Dimin

    Mike Dimin

    Dec 11, 1999
    Clinician: EA, Zon, Boomerang, TI. Author "The Art of Solo Bass"
    Here is another one - I was playhing with this world music/ethereal jazz band. We did a number of tours. The sh** hit the fan at a gig in Istanbul. The egomaniacal keyboard player wanted more to known as a great jazz pianist rather than the world music kind of guy he was. We were playing at the Naima Jazz Club in front of some amazing Bebop players who were playing there on the following nights. So this keyboard player starts calling out all these bop tunes (that in all honesty were not his forte). at the set break I mentioned that we should stick with the tunes that we did best, the tunes that got us booked there - anyway - we get back to the states and I was asked to leave (as was the drummer a few weeks later for the same reason).

    They hire a new bass player and went so far as to re-record all the demos with the new bass player. He transcribed all my lines and played them on the new recording, note for note (waste of money if you ask me). The new bass player is a great player who I had never met. When I finally met him, my wife and I took him out to dinner and I asked him why he didn't just record his own bass lines. he said mine fit the music so perfect he couldn't imagine doing something different. I responded that he could never play my bass lines as well as I could and conversly I would never be able to play his as well as he did.

    It is just so funny the lengths tha people will go to.

  13. Squidfinger

    Squidfinger I wish I could sing like Rick Danko.

    Jan 7, 2004
    Shreveport LA
    What a fricking dufus!
  14. A further thing I don't get is that if your style doesn't fit with the band, why would they still want to use your bass lines? Wouldn't your bass lines also not fit the band? Ridiculous.
  15. Whafrodamus


    Oct 29, 2003
    Andover, MA
    Sorry to admit it, but I actually own your bass lines. Please send them to me or I will hunt you down and beat you with my Warwick.
  16. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    that is funny.
  17. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Staff Member Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    Ego is a strange thing. I'd hate to have to fill your shoes Mike!
  18. Stinsok

    Stinsok Supporting Member

    Dec 16, 2002
    Central Alabama
    Just tell them that they do infact suck and there is no way that you would duplicate that crap in any form. Also, their songs would not have taken shape without your basslines so therefore you own part of them. Please direct him to post to this board asking for opinions on the subject.
  19. malthumb


    Mar 25, 2001
    The Motor City
    So many have commented on most of the blatantly stupid positions this guy took, so I'll zero in on this one....

    Your singer is apparently discounting the fact that the drums and chord progressions went through a fairly complicated and well tuned filter / processor (ie - your brain) in order to have those basslines created. Or maybe he believes that any bass player, after hearing those particular drums and chord progressions could have only come up with those lines you came up with? If that's the case, then ANY bass player would fit their style. If not, then they are your creation, end of friggin' story.


  20. Mike Dimin

    Mike Dimin

    Dec 11, 1999
    Clinician: EA, Zon, Boomerang, TI. Author "The Art of Solo Bass"
    This one is just too funny. I get a call to play with the World's Fastest Accordian Player. I am told that the dress is casual and that there is a PA. So I dress casual and only bring a small amp to use as a stage monitor. I get to the hall, everyone is wearing a tux and there is no PA. To top it all off the drummer is the Accordian player's (acoordianist?) son. So we run through some songs before the gig:

    rock tune: boom chick boom boom chick
    swing tune: boom chick boom boom chick
    Tico Tico (of course): boom chick boom boom chick

    The drummer knew 1 groove and only one groove.

    The keyboard player looks at me and says that I wasn't right for the gig. They paid me and I left. On the way out there are these 2 guys from Boston, a Jazz Guitar duo, both with vintage D'Angelico New Yorkers. They ask where I am going. I told them I just got fired, they said I was the best player on the stand.

    I don't play with accordian player's anymore. I am also very glad that I have had many more successes than failures. I try to look back at it with a sense of humor.