Blonde jokes

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by nonsqtr, Aug 13, 2004.

  1. nonsqtr

    nonsqtr The emperor has no clothes!

    Aug 29, 2003
    Burbank CA USA
    Okay, so, before anyone gets bent out of shape, this thread is about humor. HUMOR. Not hair color. First person to take this thread seriously gets strung up by the thumbs, and they'll never EVER be able to play the bass again.

    (By the way, my wife's blonde, and she tells me most of these).

    If you're blonde and you're insecure about your beautiful golden hair, then substitute "redhead" or "man" or your favorite musical instrument.

    But, let's keep it clean. Please.

    I'll start.

    "Two blondes walk into a shopping mall, you'd think at least one of 'em could find it."
  2. Matt Call

    Matt Call Supporting Member

    Aug 1, 2004
    Minneapolis, MN
    Ok this is a longer one, but it's worth it in the end:

    A man and his wife want to paint their porch. So they place a sign out in the lawn stating "$50 to paint the porch." A few hours go by and then a young blonde woman comes to the door, and asks for the paint. The man and his wife go inside and sip on their morning coffee. Not more than 20 minutes go by and the blonde woman rings the doorbell. The man quickly goes to the door to see what the young lady needs. When he opens the door the woman states "I'm all done, but that was a Lexus, not a Porsche."
  3. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses, Hipshot products
    What do you do if a blond throws a ring at you????

    You run like hell cuz it means she's holding a live grenade.
  4. Okay, theres this ventriliquist act, and all the guys talking about is blonde jokes. So this blonde woman in the back stands up and says "DO you think you can just say crap like that to people, judging them only on their hair color, for all you know I could be a doctor!!" AS the man begins to apologize, shes says "Stay out of this mister!! Im talking to the little sh!t on your knee!"

    :D :D :D :D :D
  5. A blonde woman who wants to go to college, asks a wiseman
    "What should I do to improve my grades?"
    "Get a haircut" He said jokingly, then added "and study alot"
    "Ok, I guess that makes sense."

    three days later she comes back.
    "It didn't work. Should I have cut more than one...or did you mean study the ones I didn't cut."

    His response
    "You're hopless. NEXT!"
  6. tappel


    May 31, 2003
    Long Island, NY
    A blonde persuaded her husband to let her come along on his hunting trip. When they were deep in the woods, he collapsed. She took out her cell phone and dialed 911. "I think my husband is dead" she said. "What should I do?"

    The operator said, "Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead."

    The operater heard a gun shot. Then the blonde got back on the and said, "Okay. Now what?"
  7. Why did the blonde cross the road?

    She parked at the wrong house :meh:

    Side note: I have only one blonde friend that I actually hang out with and he is pretty goofy and forgetful, but I know that being blonde doesn't make someone dumb.
  8. Ed Fuqua

    Ed Fuqua

    Dec 13, 1999
    Chuck Sher publishes my book, WALKING BASSICS:The Fundamentals of Jazz Bass Playing.
    Blonde gets pulled over for speeding, she notices that the cop coming up to the car is a blonde also.

    Cop says "lemme see your driver's license", driver says "what's that?" Cop says "It's in your purse and it has your picture on it". So she starts rummaging through her purse and finds a compact, opens it up and sees her reflection. So she hands it to the cop. Who looks in it and says "Listen, if you told me you were a cop, we wouldn't have wasted the last 10 minutes."
  9. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses, Hipshot products
    :hyper: :hyper: :hyper:
  10. Just remember, the first post stated, this is about humor. I don't think that many people actually think being blonde makes someone dumb. There might be alot of people that do, I wouldn't know cause I don't.
  11. Where do you look for a blonde when she goes missing and there are flyers posted....

    in front of the flyers cause she will be standing there wondering where her twin is :bag:
  12. Nick Gann

    Nick Gann Talkbass' Tubist in Residence

    Mar 24, 2002
    Silver Spring, MD
    What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

    Pull out the pin and throw it back.
  13. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta / Macon (sigh)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!

  14. Gia


    Feb 28, 2001
    i'm blonde but.....

    two women (one blonde and one brunette) were in a mall when they see a man buying flowers. the blonde says to the brunette "oh look there's your husband! he's buying flowers for you, isn't that sweet of him!". The brunette replies, "i guess, but i'll be lying flat with my legs in the air all weekend for that". The blond replies....

    "huh? haven't you got a vase?"

  15. Coutts_is_god

    Coutts_is_god Guest

    Dec 29, 2003
    Windsor, Ont, Canada
    A blond is driving to Toronto. She sees a sign it says "Toronto left" so she went home.

    I love it
  16. Hollow Man

    Hollow Man Supporting Member

    Apr 28, 2003
    Springfield, VA
    A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street. The brunette notices a dead bird laying beside the road, and says, "Aww, look at that poor bird, it's dead." The blonde looks up and says, "Where?"
  17. vegaas


    Nov 6, 2001

    My favorite.
  18. A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?" The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?" The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

    (at least they're putting jokes in spam emails now)