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Bluegrass humor

Discussion in 'Bluegrass [DB]' started by Throckmorten, Aug 29, 2011.

  1. Throckmorten


    Aug 3, 2006
    Central NY
    A musician at a bluegrass gig recently popped this one-liner. I share for your enjoyment.

    "Well, you know what they say: if you've heard one bluegras tune, you've heard'em both!"
  2. bejoyous


    Oct 23, 2005
    London, Ontario
    Q: How are an investment portfolio and a banjo player alike?

    A: Eventually they both will mature and make some money!
  3. Margaretdesiree


    Apr 5, 2011
    Did you hear about the bas player who was depressed about his bad timing.........

    He threw himself behind a train.

    Sorry. :)
    Need Gigs likes this.
  4. PerryNH


    Aug 16, 2011
    New Hampshire
    Do you know why there are no banjos on Star Trek?

    Because it's the future.
  5. Matt Lake

    Matt Lake Supporting Member

    Sep 7, 2010
    Lost in the Ozarks
    How many lead guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    One--He holds up the light bulb and the world revolves around him!

    Sorry, not actually a bluegrass joke but still priceless.
  6. tstone


    Nov 16, 2010
    San Francisco, CA
    Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?

    A: People cry when you chop an onion into little pieces.


    Disclaimer: Actually, I love banjos.
  7. How do you get a banjo picker off your porch?

    Pay for the pizza.
  8. HateyMcAmp

    HateyMcAmp Supporting Member

    Apr 13, 2006
    Denver, Colorado
    Krivo Pickups artist
    What do you call a banjo player in a suit?

    The defendant.
  9. q: How many bluegrass pickers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: 5. One to change the bulb and 4 to bitch because it's electric!
  10. Thankful birds

    Thankful birds

    Jun 17, 2008
    How many bluegrass bass players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

  11. How do I know the toothbrush was invented by a banjo player?

    If it had been invented by anyone else it would be called the "teethbrush"!
  12. HateyMcAmp

    HateyMcAmp Supporting Member

    Apr 13, 2006
    Denver, Colorado
    Krivo Pickups artist
    What's the difference between a banjo and a chainsaw?

    The chainsaw has an "off" switch.
  13. Ed Fuqua

    Ed Fuqua

    Dec 13, 1999
    Augusta GA
    Chuck Sher publishes my book, WALKING BASSICS:The Fundamentals of Jazz Bass Playing.
    A NY writer has a serious case of writer's block and Too Many Distractions in the city so, on a friend's advice, finds a little cabin in the middle of nowhere in Appalachia and settles in to do some writing. And sure enough, with absolutely NO people around, he gets an amazing amount of work done. The only human contact he's had for 6 weeks is when he takes the 8 mile walk down the mountain to the only gen'ral store in the "holler".
    But one afternoon, there's a knock on the door and lo and behold there's a gentleman of the hills come a'callin'.
    Says Mr. Hill William " Wayull, since I reckon yer here for a spell, I might as well be neighborly. If y'all ain't doing nothing come the evening, why dontcha come on over to my place fer a shindig?"
    To which Mr. New York Writer responds " Thanks, I'm really ahead on the work I'm doing and I could use a break. What time should I come by?"
    HW - Wayull, anytime after sundown would be alright, I reckon. I gots to warn ya though, may be some drankin' going on.
    NYW - Hey, no worries. I'm a writer, that's what we DO.
    HW - Alright then. But with all that drinkin', liable there's to be some fightin' too.
    NYW - I was a Golden Gloved middleweight in college, I think I can hold my own.
    HW - Alrighty then. But when it starts gettin' late there may be some f***in' goiin' on.
    NYW - Well, it HAS been a little lonely up here. I think I'm OK with that.
    HW - Shore nuff! Wayull, I'll see ya a little later then.
    NYW - Hey, before you go; I've never been to a party in this neck of the woods before, what should I wear?
    HW - Oh it don't matter much, just gone be you and me....
    Need Gigs likes this.
  14. bejoyous


    Oct 23, 2005
    London, Ontario
    That joke made me squeal like a pig with laughter!
  15. MR PC

    MR PC Inactive

    Dec 1, 2007
    I fought my paw, and the paw won.
  16. ric3xrt


    May 19, 2010
    SE PA

    Aww thats bad......PADDLE FASTER I hear Banjo muisc
  17. Beginner Bass

    Beginner Bass

    Jul 8, 2009
    Round Rock, TX
    A&R, Soulless Corporation Records
    One I heard from my dad's soundman friend:

    Q: How many soundmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: 5. One to do it, and 4 to stand around and say "I would've done that differently."
  18. kesslari

    kesslari Groovin' with the Fusion Cats Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 21, 2007
    Santa Cruz Mtns, California
    Lark in the Morning Instructional Videos; Audix Microphones
    What's the difference between a monitor mixer and a toilet?
    A toilet only has to deal with one a$$hole at a time.

    Obligatory bluegrass joke:
    What's the least common sentence in the English language?
    "Hey, isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"
  19. Johnny IV

    Johnny IV

    Nov 4, 2011
    Q: How many banjo pikkers does it take to make dinner?

    A: Two, One to watch for cars, and one to scrape it off the road!
  20. Bobby King

    Bobby King Supporting Member

    May 3, 2005
    Nashville, TN
    Q: How many soundmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: TWO, TWO, TWO.

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