Boring Worship Song Immediately Improved By Funky Slap Bass Line

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Winslow, Jan 6, 2020.

  1. Winslow


    Sep 25, 2011
    RENTON, WA—According to multiple people attending LifeVictory Community Church this past Sunday, a boring, mellow, repetitive worship song was immediately improved by bassist Kyle "Soul Train" Mulholland's funky slap bass line.

    The song, "This Is Amazing Grace," was starting to drone on and on until Mulholland rescued the arrangement by breaking into one of his patented, fiery bass riffs he keeps in his back pocket for just such an occasion. As the bassist realized the song was turning into a boring, stale trainwreck, he stepped up to save the day. Mulholland turned his bass up an extra 30% (he had lied to the sound guy, claiming his bass was all the way up, as he always saves himself a little bit of volume to spring on the tech team right in the middle of the service). Then, he broke into every funky riff he knew, as though he were playing for Graham Central Station in the "glory days."

    "Good ol' Soul Train really saved our bacon out there," worship leader Nate "Take It to the Bridge" Johnson said. "The song was just dying on the vine out there. There weren't many hands raised, no one's eyes were closed. People were singing about the cross and stuff, but they weren't really into it. I'm only satisfied with our set when we get a visual, emotional response to each and every song."

    "Praise the Lord that Kyle was here to save our song with his '70s funk sensibilities," he added.

    As the skilled bassist cranked out every funk riff he knew, slapping and hammering and pulling and popping like a movement of the Spirit depended on it, something miraculous happened: people began to raise their arms, close their eyes, and really worship the Lord. The church even began to clap, though they weren't even close to being on beat.

    At publishing time, Mulholland was disappointed to discover he wasn't on in the house speakers anyway.

    Boring Worship Song Immediately Improved By Funky Slap Bass Line
  2. Stumbo

    Stumbo Guest

    Feb 11, 2008
    Let's get funkafized!
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  3. Winslow


    Sep 25, 2011
    From the same site:

    Horrified Pastor Discovers He Forgot To Let Drummer Out Of Cage Previous Sunday


    SONOMA, CA—When Pastor Kenneth Weiland returned to his church sanctuary on Sunday, upon turning on the house lights, he heard an anguished moan coming from the stage. That's when he noticed a trembling figure pressed against the inside of the plexiglass drum cage, pleading for release.

    It was every pastor's worst nightmare: he had forgotten to let the drummer, 34-year-old Jackson Everest out of his drum cage the previous Sunday after church. The drummer had gone seven days without food and only a small amount of water from the Evian bottle he had taken on stage to perform last Sunday morning.

    When discovered, Everest had sunken eyes, loose skin on his extremities, and his ribs and other bones were showing. His drum sticks had been gnawed at and the skin of his snare drum had been entirely devoured. "I thought drum heads were made of animal skin," Everest later told authorities, "but I'm pretty sure it was pure plastic." An overturned floor tom had been used as a makeshift toilet.

    Paramedics on the scene said that at first Everest was unable to move, but when they fed him some bagels from the foyer and gave him a sip of freshly-brewed extra-light roast coffee, he perked right up. It was about that time the rest of the worship team arrived to get warmed up.

    "He just sat right back down on the stool and started playing," said pastor Weiland. "Guy's a machine."

    "I just love drumming," Everest said.

    Weiland says he set a reminder on his phone this Sunday to let the drummer out at the end of the second service but has placed an emergency kit with trail bars and bottled water inside the cage, just in case.

    Horrified Pastor Discovers He Forgot To Let Drummer Out Of Cage Previous Sunday

    Matt Liebenau likes this.
  4. el jeffe bass

    el jeffe bass

    Nov 22, 2013
    New Mexico
    The Babylon Bee is pure gold.
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  5. Lizooki


    Feb 24, 2008
    The Bee, lol.

    Don't tell anyone, but I use Jacos version of Amazing Grace.
    I play a "typical" line on the first couple of verses, then when we hit the bridge, I transition to Jaco
    and carry his version on through the rest of the song .... usually last verse, chorus and "praise verse".

    I stand off to on side of the auditorium, well behind the piano player.
    First time I did this, I could almost hear eyes shifting to me, lol!
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