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Boys don't cry?

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Matthew Bryson, Nov 28, 2006.

  1. Matthew Bryson

    Matthew Bryson Guest

    Jul 30, 2001
    I work on the docks. I am amazed at the number of grown men that I have seen break down in tears over the past few years. I've seen a Longshoreman cry because he violated a rule and was fired (fired for the day - not a career ending thing) I've seen several truck drivers cry when we have refused them service as punishment for safety violations. These situations always strike me as odd. I always feel offended when a man breaks down in tears, because I feel like he is trying to "play me" for sympathy. Like he "turns on the waterworks" in an attempt to manipulate me by making me feel sorry for him.

    Recently in one of these situations, I caught myself saying something that I later regretted as I realized it was out of line. Before I could engage my brain I told a man to "stop crying like a woman or a child, and act like a man". I realized later that was a bit harsh and offensive.

    That made me think about why it is that I think like this, and I'm pretty sure it's because it's how I was raised. Men don't cry. I'll bite a whole in my lip to distract myself and prevent myself from crying over emotions. I realized that the man who broke down crying happened to have been an immigrant and likely was raised in a very different culture. My concept of "men don't cry" may have been completely foreign to him.

    Last night I was watching TV with my two kids. It was one of these horrible FOX shows where two completely dysfunctional families trade moms in an attempt to learn something. Well at one point during this program the father of one of these families became emotional and began to cry. My eight year old boy immediately commented "this guy is a baby". A few scenes later, there was another emotional scene and the man on TV was crying again and my eight year old commented again "jeez, this guy is SUCH a baby. Why is he crying?"

    At that point, I realized that I have passed this on to my son. He is not very tolerant of men who cry. As I though about it, he's a boy who falls down and gets hurt and usually doesn't cry. If he starts to cry, he fights it back and if he cries you know he is really hurt. Basically a little tough guy. Have I somehow given my son a bad message? Will this cause him problems in the future?

    I don't intend to ever say anything like what I had said ever again to a man who has broken down and cried, but I'm sure I'll still think it. Does this all make ME a bad person.

    What do you all say? Is it okay for a man to cry? If so when? Only if his wife or dog has died, or is it okay to cry about getting fired? Do most people out there think that men shouldn't cry, or are we living in an era where it's okay for men to cry?

    Sorry for the long post. I've been giving this a lot of thought and wanted to conduct a Major Metal type opinion poll.
  2. Neb Maro

    Neb Maro I don't think, but I still am.

    Oct 20, 2006
    So. Cali
    I think it IS ok for a man to cry.
    Men have tear ducts the same as women do and they're not vestigial remnants.
    I think it's really the context.
    Mourning the loss of a pet or loved one, crying with your wife or gf or someother person because you feel a burst of empathy for them.
    Feeling a deep sense of loss.
    Men need to choose when to cry IMO and they shouldn't be shamed when they do.
    Sometimes though, there is no place for tears. You couldn't break down bawling in the midst of battle, but hell you should feel entitled after the battle is over.

    I myself and not a big crier. Usually it happens when I have bottled up so many negative emotions that the dam breaks. Or it happens when I feel that I have deeply wronged someone and I am asking forgiveness.
    I don't cry when I get physically hurt and usually don't when I get emotionally hurt.

    It's a double edged sword because I feel a sense of pride when I don't cry and I feel a little more cold and less human.

    MAJOR METAL The Beagle Father Supporting Member

    Yeah this is a cultural phenomenon in the USA that has exsisted for a long time. The only time I have seen a tolerent enviorment of male crying was shortly after 9/11. I try not to fall into narrow minded male thinking but I do find it very hard to cry infront of others even those close to me. It has been over 4 years since I had a big cry.
  4. Crying rules.
  5. Josh Ryan

    Josh Ryan - that dog won't hunt, Monsignor. Supporting Member

    Mar 24, 2001
    Hard to say, I know it should be OK, but at the same time I react exactly as you do. Actually, thanks for the heads up. I have to be careful of that I guess too, how I react around my son.
  6. Kibuddy


    Apr 30, 2005
    I don't like crying. It makes me feel weak. It may sound terrible, but that's just the way it is with me.
  7. Poop-Loops

    Poop-Loops Banned

    Mar 3, 2006
    Auburn, Washington
    This isn't something you can tell other people. They have their own reasons for crying. Maybe what you said was the last straw for them and they just couldn't handle it?

    If you're going to follow the "don't cry" thing, that's good. I don't remember the last time I've cried. But at the same time, my life is going fairly well, so I don't have a real reason.
  8. Timmayx


    May 29, 2006
    Wolverhampton, UK
    It's fair enough for men to cry, just as it is for women to cry. I'm just someone who doesn't cry though.
  9. I try not to cry, infact, the last time I cryed was 2 years ago when my grandpa died. I think my biggest influence to be like that was my sister, she cries at nothing. she whines and screams when she stubs her toe. I guess that showed me that crying accomplishes nothing, but is incredibly obnoxious to those around me.
  10. jady


    Jul 21, 2006
    Modesto, CA
    I will cry and have cried but it's not a common thing. I really don't have a problem when a man cries unless it happens all the time and thats not cuz he's a man, it's just cuz no one should cry all the time..

    However, My wife just had our 3rd baby, I get really bad sympathetic pregnancies. About 3 months ago, I would weep openly at a car commercial or a mildly touching moment on TV, ugh!!! I damn near had ovaries!!!!
  11. Poop-Loops

    Poop-Loops Banned

    Mar 3, 2006
    Auburn, Washington
    It's ok. I cry during car commercials, too. They are absolutely horrendous.
  12. JansenW


    Nov 14, 2005
    Cambridge, MA
    People who are in touch with their emotions allow themselves to cry. :crying:
  13. I used to cry a lot in middle school because I was made fun of a lot. That didn't go over very well at all. I got picked on, I cried, and then I got picked on even more for crying! What a vicious cycle it was... Luckily although I have seen maybe people intolerant of males crying, for the most part, people try to understand. Everyone has tough situations and everyone deals with them differently. If anybody thinks that a male shouldn't cry, that is just terrible.

    On the other hand, there is the whole ideal of peers typically trying not to cry in front of kids, and keeping strong. Although I feel in some ways children should learn to be tolerant and learn that it is okay to show your feelings and cry, I believe parents hiding their feelings for the sake of a young ones is often times a good plan. Don't want to scare the kids.
  14. Only a few things make me break down into tears, deaths/funerals and severe lady problems, but i think they are justifyable, right?
  15. Steve


    Aug 10, 2001
    I've been known to cry. It's no biggie but, to cry because you got a day off or refused service?

    Life is tough and getting tougher every day. I have a gut feeling that was the tip of the ice berg in the lives of those guy's and there was a lot more going on behind the scenes.
  16. jsbass


    Sep 3, 2006
    I never cry.
  17. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    I was raised around men who did not cry, I do not cry either. I don't think I am a bad man for it. I feel sorrow and depair, I just do not cry....well, except when the Steelers lose. :D

    Anyway.....my son does not cry either. He is turning into a well adjusted young man.

  18. Edwcdc

    Edwcdc I call shotgun!

    Jul 21, 2003
    Columbia MD USA
    Uh... define crying.
    Sometimes I get that feeling like I could but I fight it. I'm not talking about bawling but just touching up the corner of your eye with your sleeve kind of crying.
    I get that feeling when the Ravens beat the Steelers.:D
  19. Jazz Ad

    Jazz Ad Mi la ré sol Supporting Member

    "Men don't cry" is essentially a christian cultural trait.
    I don't know where it came from.
    I easily let if flow because of strong emotions from arts, movies or whatever.
    Now in real life, when I'm very sad or shocked I get very perturbed but don't feel like crying.
  20. Joe Turski

    Joe Turski

    Jul 29, 2003
    Funny (well not really), I was a wake yesaterday, and a funeral today for a really good friend that hung himslef. I cried like a little baby. And I didn't care who saw me.

    I'm don't cry over the stupid things in life, but given the situation, I was bawling uncontrolably.

    It's fine for a man to cry.

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