kidding. I run sound @ a 300 cap room in Connecticut. it's fun, we get to play with knives... allow me to share with you, some observations (after 5 years)... -that SVT fridge is STILL too loud. Take it outside...yer house. -pay attention to where you are parking your cabs. Was that the stagesnake? Can your singer sing really loud now? -"Engineer" is not latin for "mind reader", i think it means "bad attitude". Either way, he can't mix you if you don't tell him what you want in your mix. -We control the Horizontal. We control the Vertical. You are the content, we are the context. Which translates as... -Live sound is Live production. That engineer determines what you sound like to your audience. Don't like his approach to the opening band, tell him how you like it. You can advance us a track or 3. The booking agent might have been the only person to listen to you. Or, bring your own trained monkey, I mean, FOH/Road Manager. -can't afford a manager, have a friend, whose ears you trust, listen in on your soundcheck, or 1st song. Introduce him to the engineer. Make your points, and let it go. -that said, do not turn it into a "hey everybody, how do we sound? hey soundguy, my girlfriend says we sound stupid, fix that!" Your girlfriend is standing next to your bass amp... -Road(or tour) managers are dicks. That's ok. It's their job to represent you. If you don't explain to him how to represent you; he's a dick to you, too. When a road manager has done their job, we can all sit back and laugh about it at the end of the night. -Unless your contract asks for loaders, we don't touch your gear. That's good & bad. Seems the only interns I get these days, could fit inside a 2x10. -Save yourself the hassle of: a line for my bass a line for my backing trax a line for my effects loop & my other loop....get a mixer, sum it, and give us a mono, or stereo send. -In Ears? love them. Give me the receiver, or put your receiver & stage mixer over there, out of the way. Thank you for telling me before we got to your soundcheck. -I prefer micing, for expediency. a 57 or 58 (I said 58, I blew yer mind) or a d112 (I prefer). I'll DI out of an amp if; you demand, or it's a good amp. I'll always use your sansamp. -don't like taking DI direct from the bass unless...you have no amp. It's so small, it counts as no amp (I've actually mic'd some practice combos...it's hilarious). You request it. I like to think that you brought that amp for more than decoration. -I know the capabilities of the room and the gear. You don't. -You hang outside with yer pals drinkin, while all of these other bands have played? Guess what, rock star, I'm deducting one scene point. -Oh, you know model XXXX speaker that I use? Did you know that I rewrapped its crossover, and internally fused the tweeters? Here, have some tinker toys. -Sounded good? I don't deserve praise, I did my job. -your amp caught on fire. I put it out, and offered you a backup. You'd better spell my name right on your album liners... -restringing your bass? Well, why don't you go ahead and leave your strings all over the stage, then...you've got tetanus?! from someone else leaving their strings onstage...stop walking around barefoot. -Clean up after yourselves. -What's with kids these days? I have a lost'n'found that dwarfs some music stores...In the past 60 days... (2) taylor guitars, Ampeg SVTcl, Fender 15" cab, Jazz bass, SRV strat, a pedalboard, enough cables/straps/powersupplies to fill 2 milkcrates. Either everyone forgot what an Idiot Check is for, or we're drinking too much milk. -Need directions, locally? Ask. GoogleMaps has no clue where all the fat chicks are. We do. -Tubes. Need maybe 5minutes to "warm up" More like 3. If you want to backline for this purpose only, management will provide you with a blowtorch. -Move your gear. Get it onstage. Get it offstage. -Tune your bass. Before you get onstage. Check it while we soundcheck the drummer (silently). Make sure you are in tune with your band. -rough tour so far? yeah? got yerself some new strings? yeah? Break them in before you get onstage. -Need an area to laydown a bass or amp to service? Ask us. We may have a spot just for you. And tools. Don't be a clod, blocking a fire exit...sheesh. -I asked you to turn down because I care about your sound. -I know the difference between "turning down" and TURNING DOWN!! You're killing me with your precociousness. -I asked you to turn up because I have a plan. -Stow your gear and your deads where we tell you, not wherever. This ain't mom's basement. -We're still people here. If I see you treating staff, or another band (or patron) in a manner I would deem contemptible... only one of ME is going to be enjoying the evening... -here's a secret, every Pro I've met, from Mike Watt to Jerry Only, has been a gentleman. Even the younger fellas, from ManMan to Matchbook Romance...fine, respectable people. Put them onstage, and they'll tear it up. They care just as much about their sound, the end product, as the next band...but they also know that it's just a show... All of the problems will be over in about the same amount of time as a very special episode of Blossom. -Realistically, it should never devolve into Us vs Those rat bastards. Communication is key. You just did 2 nights in NYC; now you're in Connecticut. I get it. We just had a run of 17 shows straight. Now here you come. Here's a secret, this ain't hipster beard, this is "I haven't been home in 2 weeks" -Not every club operates like this. Some are actually better.