Chuck Norris Jokes!

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Thunderbird91, Jan 30, 2006.

  1. Everybody has their favorite! whats yours? I will post a couple to get us started...

    -Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
    -Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym.
    -Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
    -Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
    -Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

    Oh yes and try to look and make sure it isn't posted before you just post one.
  2. BurningSkies

    BurningSkies CRAZY BALDHEAD

    Feb 20, 2005
    Seweracuse, NY

    Not another... *sigh*
  3. Yorkiebassist


    Dec 20, 2005
    Chuck Norris could make God an Atheist.
    On the 7th day God rested, Chuck Norris took over.
    Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
    And my favourite of them all:
    Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  4. God created the earth and said "Let there be light!" and Chuck Norris said "Say please."

  5. Petary791


    Feb 20, 2005
    Michigan, USA
    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  6. Toasted


    May 26, 2003
    Leeds, UK
    Vin Diesel, anyone?
  7. No! Vin Diesel is not cool!
  8. I heard Vin Diesel was born in a mental hospital and only sleeps one hour a night!
  9. Wrong Robot

    Wrong Robot Guest

    Apr 8, 2002
    Chuck Norris is never unable to be in minneapolis.
  10. AuG


    May 22, 2005
    Fort Collins, CO
    When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it's not because he's gay, it's because he's run out of women.

    When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, nobody in his family gets sick from cholera or scarlet fever, no... they die from roundhouse kicks to the face. Also, Chuck requires no wagon as he carries all the supplies and food on his back, and he always beats you to Oregon.

    Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a guy so fast that his foot actually broke lightspeed, traveled back in time and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific.

  11. !

    forgot that one! Probably my favorite.
  12. Figjam


    Aug 5, 2003
    Boston, MA
    The only thing worse than this thread is Chuck Norris' sh*t stank.

    Wait no, this is worse.

    Not another ><
  13. Chuck Norris can count backwards from infinity.

    (That's my favorite.)
  14. bassmonkeee

    bassmonkeee Supporting Member

    Sep 13, 2000
    Decatur, GA
    Chuck Norris has the common decency not to beat a dead horse. Which is more than some people can say...:eyebrow:
  15. If you fail, chances are you are not Chuck Norris.
    Chuck Norris - Ultimate Champion Warrior.
  16. Phil Mastro

    Phil Mastro

    Nov 18, 2004
    I know it's been run to the ground... but it was just too tempting. Here's my fave:

    Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  17. Dave Castelo

    Dave Castelo

    Apr 19, 2000
    I dont get all this chuck norris thing one bit
  18. Bob Clayton

    Bob Clayton Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Aug 14, 2001
    Deptford, NJ
    chuck norris uses the search feature. unlike many.
  19. lamborghini98

    lamborghini98 The Aristocrats

    May 1, 2005
    NYC; Portland, OR
  20. Buck Naked

    Buck Naked

    Jul 24, 2005
    Austin Texas
    Before there was email or snail mail, Chuck Norris used to tie messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them to the intended recipients.

    Chuck Norris invented the C. section when he roundhouse kicked his way out of his mother's womb.

    Chuck Norris CAN touch this

    Jesus wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

    Superman has Chuck Norris posters on his wall.