Church bassist asked play in darkened storage closet.

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Bahjark, Jan 29, 2020.

  1. Bahjark


    May 30, 2018
    Church Bassist Asked To Play In Darkened Storage Closet

    ALBANY, OR—In order to make room for several new background singers who recently had successful auditions with the Fire Church worship team, church bassist Lyle Edelman was asked to play his bass guitar lines from a darkened storage closet Sunday morning, sources confirmed.

    Edelman set up his Crate amp in the usual spot and began fiddling with the knobs and tuning his bass guitar, only to have worship leader Tim “Tebow” Mollison gently tap him on the shoulder.

    “Hey bud, um, this is a little awkward, but do you think you can set up over in the custodial closet?” Mollison reportedly asked. “It’s just that we’re gonna spread Jen, Mindy, and Sarah out over here. It’s gonna look so sick with all of us spaced out on the stage perfectly like a concert.”

    Edelman then reluctantly packed up his equipment and set it up in dark and dank janitorial closet, utilizing a long XLR cable to hook himself into the church’s state-of-the-art sound system.

    “I’m just happy my bass was actually turned on in the house mix this week,” Edelman said later, as no one had the heart to break it to him that the sound guy had turned him completely off, sources confirmed.
  2. Lizooki


    Feb 24, 2008
  3. Michedelic

    Michedelic MId-Century Modern

    This is why I don’t play in churches, among other reasons.
    Bahjark, Atshen, Oddly and 2 others like this.
  4. You're going to have to help me. I cant tell if you're serious or not.
  5. BassCliff


    May 17, 2012
    So. Cal.

    Even though I'm also a bass player in church, I can take a joke. ;) :D

    Thank you for your indulgence,

  6. AMp'D.2play


    Feb 12, 2010
    I knew this had to be the Babylon Bee before I even clicked on the link! :thumbsup:
  7. 74hc


    Nov 19, 2015
    Sunny California
    I guess I have one leg up on Lyle. They let me out of the closet and play direct behind the choir now. I'm still on a "pay to play" basis though since I don't get paid, but my wife still puts in money in the offertory basket.

    I was hoping to be neutral in that regard by my one year anniversary at this church, but that's this Sunday and it doesn't look like it will happen anytime in the near or middle future.
    Bahjark likes this.
  8. Burwabit

    Burwabit Likes guitars that tune good and firm feelin women Supporting Member

    Apr 4, 2011
    Lubbock, TX
  9. bikeplate

    bikeplate Supporting Member

    Jun 7, 2001
    Upstate NY
    Whats it pay?
  10. reminds me of a popular NZ band in the 1970's - 1980's Split Enz
    they were in London in 1978 and had zero money and had booked time in a studio to record demos
    the studio was apparently so small that percussionist Noel Crombie had to set up his percussion in the toilet!
    Bahjark likes this.
  11. Michedelic

    Michedelic MId-Century Modern

    Why would it matter? After all, I was commenting on a satirical piece of fictional journalism.
    Dominic DeCosa and Bahjark like this.
  12. zontar


    Feb 19, 2014
    I remember seeing this some time back (Years?)--any way, it made me laugh & did share it with our Worship leader & a few others.
    We rent space & don't have a typical stage set up, but there is a storage room on the other side & we have joked about doing this.
    Bahjark and S-Bigbottom like this.
  13. And he wasn't even playing the Mothman.
    Bahjark and Winslow like this.
  14. Nashrakh


    Aug 16, 2008
    Hamburg, Germany
    The better question is: What is pay?
    Bahjark, el jeffe bass and Oddly like this.
  15. Winslow


    Sep 25, 2011
    Group "W" Bench
    Now I want to see the Mothman played in church. :roflmao:

    Which begs the question: Is there any church holy enough to redeem the Mothman? :wideyed: :unsure: :angel:
    audreycashin, jamro217 and Bahjark like this.
  16. went to see a band once and they sounded good.... there were 4 people on the small stage
    Guitarist / Drummer / Keyboards / Lead Vocals / amp & mixer...etc.... I could here bass, but no sign of any bass player.... then about 20 feet away from the stage next to the lighting rig was the lonely bass player and his amp..... I felt sorry for him as he was there by himself far away from the rest of the band. He had to stand next to his amp
    Bahjark and SteveC like this.
  17. SteveC

    SteveC Moderator Staff Member

    Nov 12, 2004
    NE ND
    I actually wouldn't mind being a "remote" player. The only thing is not seeing "the looks" and cues from stage for last time, or end now, stuff like that. I could easily sit back in the sound/video production area (back left of the room, raised with a half wall. I could just plug into the board and sit there and play my whole notes all day long.
    Winslow and Bahjark like this.
  18. I have done this a few times.

    Had the stage set up with scenes for a play during camp time and played behind the set staring at cardboard and risers, or completely off the stage area.
    When leaving with my bass in hand a few people said, "Did not know you were here today."

    It's all good.
    Bahjark likes this.
  19. Bahjark


    May 30, 2018
    Kinda like playing it the pit orchestra. Did it for a rock opera in highschool. It was a good experience for me
    mikewalker, S-Bigbottom and Winslow like this.

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