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Clients rant/humor

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Lalabadie, Jun 30, 2008.

  1. Lalabadie

    Lalabadie Guest

    Jan 11, 2007
    So. For this summer, I work in a renovation store. The tools/hardware department. Why is it that when I come up to a customer in an evident need of finding something, I always have the uneasy silence, confused look, then a "Do you work here"?

    I'm wearing this : http://www.labonnejob.ca/

    Why, WHY does the guy have to suppose that I could just be a random man wearing a hardware store apron looking for someone to talk to?
    OTOH, people in the flooring/decoration department (there are about 12 depts in the store) literally jump on me to know which one of those wall tiles will hold up to the heat of this given dryer. :scowl:

    Among other funny moments:

    I'm at the key machine, just done making some copies for someone. The next client in line asks me "Could you call someone? I need key doubles".

    Couple buys five door handles (passage, privacy set, keyed set, etc.). Return all five because they don't fit. Go to my department and ask me what handles they should buy for their doors' dimensions. I grab the exact same ones they bought the day before, and push the little lever in the mechanism, on which is written "push", then slide it to its other position, labelled by exactly the dimensions they brought me. Couple then proceeds to buy the exact same five handles :D

    Guy steals two batteries, gets spotted by a clerk, runs out of the store, gets hit instantly by a car. Now we have as a rule not to run behind any thief. We just lock the doors and call the police.

    Guy steals a 9V battery, gets silently spotted by a clerk. The clerk sneaks up to him and cheerily says "You should steal this one instead, it has two AA batteries bundled!". The guy drops the battery and runs away.

    Then there's always those saying:
    - I need screws.
    - What kind of screws?
    - For screwdrivers.

    - I need nails.
    - What kind of nails?
    - Those you hit on.

    Then there's people calling plasterboard Gybroc instead of Gyproc. They sound awfully flu'ed when they do so :D

    BTW, I love this job, it's fun and I get to meet tons of nice people, but it wouldn't be complete without such moments.

    I know you guys have funny stories too.
  2. JimB52

    JimB52 User Supporting Member

    May 24, 2007
    East Coast
    I call those people "Clientalia"
    I think people should have to pass a test before they are allowed to buy building materials.
  3. WickedPissah


    Jan 22, 2008
  4. Lalabadie

    Lalabadie Guest

    Jan 11, 2007
    Oh wow. Nice :D
  5. Barfly


    Dec 27, 2000
    GTA, Canada
    Off that site. LMFAO!!!

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

    Guest: “Hi, yes, I’m calling because your hotel charged our credit card twice?”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, if I can have your name, I’ll look you up in the computer and we can get this straightened out.”

    Guest: *morphs into an uber-witch in 3 seconds flat* “Straightened out? D**n right you’re going to get this straightened out! You charged enough for that crappy little room, I’ll be d**ned if we’re paying for it twice! My husband works too hard for his money to be charged double for something like this! There wasn’t even a BAR there!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but if I can just have your name and the date you stayed–”

    Guest: “That’s just IT! I was charged on two separate DATES. My name is _______ and my husband and I stayed there on June 9th. There’s another charge on there for the 17th, I want this fixed!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand, ma’am. I’m looking now, ma’am… okay, I see the problem. You did stay here on the 9th of June. I’m showing that someone by the name of [husband] stayed on the 17th.”

    (There’s dead silence for a moment, and then whispering.)

    Guest: “What?”

    (At this point my stomach falls into my shoes, because I can hear her mind ticking away, and I know something she doesn’t: another name is listed on the screen with her husband’s for the June 17th stay, and it’s NOT HERS.)

    Me: “Um… ma’am?”

    Guest: “I see. You’ve been very helpful.”

    Me: “Thank you ma’am. Can I help you with anything else today–”

    (At this moment the woman drops the phone but does not hang up, and I hear her begin to scream at someone, swearing in combos I never would have thought up. I hang up quickly and try to go about my business, making a note of it to tell my boss. Then I get another phone call…)

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how–”

    Guest’s husband: “I want to talk to your manager, you stupid little b**ch! You dumb little c**t, you probably just cost me my marriage and I am going to sue your s**thole hotel for every penny it’s worth! Do you hear me? Do you?!”

    Me: *click*
  6. mjolnir

    mjolnir Thor's Hammer 2.1.3beta

    Jun 15, 2006
    Houston, TX
    I am oh so very glad I don't have to work in customer service... :D

    Not that IT doesn't get its share of stupid people, it's just a whole different kind of stupid.
  7. Croox


    Sep 16, 2007
    South Side Chicago
    while i ran my year and a half stint at Toys R Us, I worked as a bike builder and in the Back so I never had to deal with people as much, but I'd always get phone calls from people asking questions, and I'd always say the wrong name, and act like a total paz or like I was high. and some guest wrote a letter saying how helpful the "special" associate "Storeroom Steve" and our store manager got this and questioned who the hell Storeroom Steve was, I said I did it and he really didn't care. my other source of enjoyment where my name tag and the collection of stickers on it. and I was the only one who got away with it, you cant go wrong with a sticker that says "touch me." I had someone ask me about it once and my response is "its not as fun as advertised."

    Customer: do you work here?

    me: If you call it work, this place is a nightmare for my ADD

    Customer: um ok. where are the spiderman toys?

    me: Behind you.

    Customer: oh thanks!! I'm so stupid

    me: hey you said it not me!
    (walks away)

    my favorite was the idiots who show up last minute on the last day of the sale and bitch about how we don't have the toy that was on sale in stock anymore. the rare occasion i dealt with these people I just stared at them like they where from another planet. It should be mandatory for everyone to work in some kind of retail for a year. everyone would be a hell of a lot nicer to each other
  8. tplyons


    Apr 6, 2003
    Madison, NJ
    I can relate, I've worked in a hardware store/lumberyard for four years, and get the "do you work here all the time"... my answer is usually, no, I wear these short polyester shorts, this ugly brown shirt and carry lumber all day for fun. :)

    Where can I find Minwax? When the display is 7 feet tall, four feet wide, RIGHT behind them, and even lights up!

    My favorite: "I need some wood"
    "What kind of wood"
    "You know, wood"
    "What will it be used for?"
    "I'm building a wall"
    At this point, I usually give them the business card of a contractor.
  9. TallLankyBastyd


    Jan 31, 2007
    I stopped reading this one immediately since I KNOW the customer was right in this case!! :rolleyes:

  10. Marcus Johnson

    Marcus Johnson

    Nov 28, 2001
    Different type of workplace, but.... when I had a gig as bandleader on cruise ships, I had several people ask me "Do you live on the ship?" This is while we're at sea, and in different ports of call on a daily basis. I'd answer "No, I'm a really strong swimmer".
  11. dave64o

    dave64o Talkbass Top 10 all time lowest talent/gear ratio! Gold Supporting Member

    I work in IT. I see plenty of lunacy every day.

    I never worked there but I used to go to a CompUSA because it was a convenient place to look at items I was actually going to buy online. The funny part is that there employees wore red shirts and it seemed like EVERY time I went there I was wearing a red shirt. The first few times I could never figure out why random people would approach me and start asking me questions but then I finally figured it out.

    Yes, I'm going to burn in hell. I admit that on multiple occassions I purposely wore a red shirt on days I expected to go there just so I could have some fun with people who failed to notice I wasn't wearing a CompUSA name tag. It gave me an opportunity to do to people what I couldn't get away with doing to them at work. :p
  12. dangnewt

    dangnewt Veteran Dispenser Supporting Member

    Jun 6, 2003
    MetroWest Boston
    BTW - where is the "any" key, I don't have one on my computer. :bag:
  13. that blog is grat

    (A pimply, overweight 18 year-old boy dumps a satin black flame-job man thong on the counter.)

    Boy: “Uh, can I return this? My mom got it for me.”
  14. Library patron, screaming and pointing at me, elbowing other patron out of the way: “WHY DIDN’T YOU TAKE THE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP OFF THE STOVE???”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m helping someone right now….”

    Library patron: “You let it get all FATTY on the top!!!”

    Me: “…I’m sorry?”

    (Library patron begins to cry.)

    Me: “Why are you crying?”

    Library patron: “I don’t know, cuz dads are microwaving their kids and sh*t!”

    Me: …

  15. I have a lot of angry/crazy/stupid customers, but thinking and talking about them just makes my head boil. So I'll talk about this one time. Almost an hour after closing, I was finishing up the day's cash-out on the computer when I heard a knock on the shop door. Usually when this happens I just ignore whoever's knocking, because they are ignoring my 'closed' sign and our store schedule posted infront of them.

    Then came the knocking again. Persistant. But a lot of people are. When he didn't stop for 10 minutes, I turned my head around, looked at him, asked him what the emergency was and he says, "I want a tattoo right now!"

    I'm sorry, sir. We're closed. We have been for the past hour.

    "But I need one right now! I have a lot of money!"

    Sir, we're closed. All of my artists have left. There is no one here who can tattoo you.

    This guy stops for a bit, then looks determined, puls out his wallet, and then starts to drop $20 bills all over the ground. He looks at me and smirks, drops more bills and starts rubbing some all over his body.

    Did he really expect me to get out of my seat, unlock the door, kneel down and salivate as I grasp $20 bills at his feet and scream, "YES! YES YOU CAN GET TATTOOED!"
  16. GeneralElectric


    Dec 26, 2007
    NY, NY
    I work at Costco. My job classification is called "Floater" which always makes me think of $h!t floating in the toilet. I work as a cashier and in the meat department, and whatever else they decide I have to do.

    Costco has some pretty strict security, you're watched from the second you go in the door. Cameras are everywhere in color, and come with night vision. I wouldn't be surprised if they were in HD. There are also cameras hidden in certain shelves and in the parking lot. There are also plain clothes employees who walk around the store watching people. You can usually spot them, they're usually wearing team shirts and have headphones in. Also, we have people called secret shoppers, who look like everyday people, wheel around shopping carts full of groceries, and then arrest people they see stealing.

    I can't do anything. If I see something, I have to report it to a manager. I'm a douche bag though, and I can't help but to screw with the customers. I saw this customer the other day sliding a DVD into his jacket pocket, and I grabbed him by the shirt sleeve.

    "I see what you did there chief."
    "I saw you steal that DVD, c'mon, we're going to the security office and they're going to call the police."
    "C'mon man..."
    "Please man, I'm sorry. Look I'll put it back, I'll never do it again!"
    "Are you really sorry?"
    "Yeah man, of course."
    "Alright then, drop all your stuff and just get the fck out of here."
    "Thanks! Thank you so much, I mean..."

    The guy ran off. I couldn't have done anything aside from told a supervisor. :p
  17. Herrlster


    Oct 27, 2004
    Ontario, Canada
    I'm so sure that happened...
  18. GeneralElectric


    Dec 26, 2007
    NY, NY
    So am I, considering how I was there. Do you do anything besides troll?:eyebrow:
  19. I work at my community pool as a "batthouse attendant" which means I let people into the pool.

    If you don't have a pass for the year, you have to pay $3. We get a lot of people who didn't get they're pass yet but are willing to pay who I'm happy to just let in. It's the ones who feel like they're entitled to use the pool because they live in Westmount who I like to make pay.

    ... an unrelated anecdote...

    Me: Can I help you

    Man: I'd like to go swimming, what do I have to do

    Me: Well you can either get the pass or just pay 3 dollars, you can only get the pass weekdays at the office so if you want to swim today you'll have to pay. (it's been like a month since the pool opened so they have no excuse anymore :D)

    Man: If I pay $3, can I get a receipt and my money back when I buy my pass.

    Me: Uuuh... no... we don't give receipts.

    Man: Well what are you doing with the money then.

    Me: I'm don't know... (hoping the man will accept this answer, he stays there staring at me so...)

    Me: We steal it.

    He seemed content with that answer.
  20. Lalabadie

    Lalabadie Guest

    Jan 11, 2007
    Nice, now the ads promote stuff from my employer's concurrents.