College Application Essay

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Nick man, Dec 18, 2002.

  1. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay
    Hey everyone!

    Im posting because Id like your help, opinions, criticisims, or anything else you can give me regarding my college application essay.

    They asked me to write about:

    "an activity, interest, experience, or achievemnt in your life (this could be a book, movie, or an activity or experience at work, home or school) that has been particularly meaningful to you."

    And this is what I worte:

    If someone were to ask my friends, family, and others who have gotten to know me over the years, what comes to mind when they think of me, they would probably say music. For the later part of my life music has been a significant part of my being, and as such; I have become involved in numerous music related activities.
    I have played in several rock bands in the past years, am currently in one, and have been talking to friends about joining a jazz trio. The band I am in now has had the distinguished privilege of playing at the popular club BillboardLive in Miami and has recorded a professional demo which we have sent to a number of major record labels. I have also become involved in the school band (last three years, and winner of Outstanding Achievement Award last two), and school drama club (last two years) which I served as a technical director for and was put in charge of the music for the last and up coming productions. I have been a leader and major contributor in these school programs, and have been commended by the teachers who head these programs.
    I hope that through my studies at college I will be able to find a fitting job which will permit me to preserve a close relationship with music. I plan on pursuing careers in the fields of music education, music technology, and recording production and engineering. Music is my passion, and I hope to gain whatever I can in the next four or so years, and be able to effectively use what I acquire to help spread the love of music that I possess.

    So what do you guys think?

    I will be bringing it to my english teacher to hear his opinion tomorrow, and Id like to see what you guys think.

    I am only supposed to have 250 words, and its about 280 words.

  2. Ty McNeely

    Ty McNeely

    Mar 27, 2000

    Keep in mind this is all my opinion. If you dont like my changes, by all means do not change it.

    I revised my essay *7* times before I sent it in....truly ridiculous. I was completely anal about it:p But, I guess it worked:D:D:D

    BTW....what college are you applying to?
  3. pigpen02


    Mar 24, 2002
    your essay is basically your chance to sell yourself on your own terms, as well as display a mastery, or at leasat proficiency w/ the english language and the essay format. that said, pay attention to grammar, little things like passive verb voice and prepositions go a long way to impress at some schools.

    also, although it is meant to show a side of you not available in your transcripts, its worth considering your prospective major: are you going to major in music or any other creative field? if not, focus on something that shows your goals, your character, and your capacity for original thought.

    just some ideas....i wrote my essay(s) about my volunteer work and how it would relate to my academic goals in the social work major.
  4. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay
    Towards the end of my essay Ipoint out that I plan on majoring in Music education, Music technology, or recording production and engineering.

  5. In addition to what hunter said, I would write "I hope that through my studies at college I will be able to find a fitting job [that] will permit me to preserve...". But hey, no English meighjor am I but pointed out before has that been to me to use that insteado which.