Comebacks you wish you'd said...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by FireBug, Feb 20, 2006.

  1. FireBug


    Sep 18, 2005
    Ever been in a situation where you spout some random comeback and wish you could have been wittier?

    And then come up with the perfect comeback later that day?
  2. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Lacey, WA
    All the memories of George Costanza and the shrimp are coming back to me. :D

  3. Bard2dbone


    Aug 4, 2002
    Arlington TX
    Or MUCH worse, when you come up with the exactly right comeback BUT IT'S NOT YOUR COMEBACK.

    At my parents house, a chest of drawers had finally been thrown out, after years of just kind of falling apart. We were gathering for some family event, like Thanksgiving or something and my sister noticed the chest of drawers was gone and said to Mom "Where's your chest?" from the look on Moms face she obviously was going to the boob reference in her head, but she's more proper than that.

    But I'm not so I said "It's on a hook on the back of the bathroom door."

    I really shouldn't have said a thing. Really really.
  4. flatwounds


    Apr 22, 2003
    Sydney, Oz
    Setting the Scene:
    I was studying at university to become a teacher ("was", i no longer am, but that's another story). I was doing a ten-week (unpaid:scowl: ) internship, as was a uni-mate of mine. He was standing at the doorway of the classroom as he dismissed the class, so they started filing out of the door. one of the smart-alec kids(probably about 17) stopped at the doorway - holding up the line, to gain an audience for his insult to the teacher. The student made his remark, heavily loaded with sarcasm. The teacher fired off his comeback without skipping a beat.

    Student: "Hey Sir, Nice tie!"
    Teacher: "Nice face!"
  5. Brad Barker

    Brad Barker Supporting Member

    Apr 13, 2001
    berkeley, ca
    well, i'll tell you what the WORST comeback is...

    anyone else remember this anti-smoking ad from the early 90s?

    *kids are in a locker room after a game or PE or something*
    "hey, you wanna smoke?"
    "c'mon, man. what, are you chicken?"
    "i may be a chicken, but you're a turkey!"

    :eyebrow: :scowl:
  6. ALL THE TIME!!!

    I can't remember a specific scenario right now, but it happens all the time.
  7. I was in college and I ran into an ex-girlfriend of mine from high school. I hadn't seen her in at least 5 years. I said hi, and we talked for a few minutes- then she said "you haven't changed a bit." I said thanks, and she said "I didn't mean that in a good way." I think I probably said, "yeah" and walked away- what I should have said- with a big beaming smile was "at least I don't look as old as you."
  8. I'll play....

    Mods, if this is over the top, sorry in advance. Please delete...

    Years ago, my ex (we were together at the time) moved to FL to attend school. The plan was I'd move down a few months later when the band I was in found a replacement. Well, her grandmother got very ill and was not going to be around much longer. She took an emergency flight up, and spent 4 days with her grandmother. On the last night, her and I spent the evening together. Well, we were out and bought a "vibrating muscle massager" :smug: for later that evening. Well, all went well, and the next day, as she was leaving she said she wanted to take it with her back to FL. My joking response was nope, you'll get it when I get there in a few months. Well, a few days later she calls to break up with me. I was FLARED UP, not due to the breakup, but due to the fact she could not tell me to my face, but over the telephone over a thousand miles away. Wretched coward. Well, I tell the guitarist the "muscle massager" story. He told me I should send it to her with a note inside that said "here you go kate, go screw (not that word, however) yourself.

    In a time of feeling depressed, he had me roaring in hysterics.

    Again, sorry if this is too much for OT.
  9. Herman


    Dec 25, 2005
    Lynchburg, VA
    +1 LOL - that's exactly what I thought when I saw this thread.

    "Oh yeah, Reilly!? Well, the JERK store called and they're runnin' outta YOU!"
  10. +2
  11. LajoieT

    LajoieT I won't let your shadow be my shade...

    Oct 7, 2003
    Western Massachusetts
    I've got the opposite, a perfect comeback that I should never had said. I was in college (back in the dark ages) and there was this hot little lady that worked the evenings in the commuter cafe (kind of a hangout for a bunch of us that lived off campus...). Well I always had a thing for her and my roommate and I were in there one night and went up to get something to eat. Nervous looser that I was, I started some small talk.

    Me - "So, how's work tonight? Busy?"

    Her - "Off and on, people come in spurts."

    Me (without even thinking) - "Yea, I've had that happen to me occasionally..."

    {roommate cracks into blind hysterical lauging, chic looks mortified and offended}

    She never looked me in they eye ever again..:crying: :crying:
  12. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta / Macon (sigh)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    I've been in a reverse situation. I've come up with a great comeback, and then wish I hadn't! Case in point:
    This guy at my old job was known for giving people the "bizness". Well he and his wife had just had a son, and he said, "Yeah, he's going to be an athlete like his dad!"
    What did I say?
    "Oh, so your milkman's an athlete?"
    Everyone laughed, but I found out later on that it hurt him. I guess everyone that cooks it can't eat it.
  13. jja412

    jja412 Fine gear enthusiast

    Feb 2, 2004
    St. Louis
    "Why dont you bend over and I'll show ya..."

    Works about 90% of the time.

    And yes, it is from National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.
  14. Mark Wilson

    Mark Wilson Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Jan 12, 2005
    Toronto, Ontario
    Endorsing Artist: Elixir® Strings
    I just wish I could claim this.

    I was working at a hotel, and I got into the elevator. The Elevator Operator is a good friend of mine.

    me: Hey, how's the job going?
    him: *shrugs* meh. it has it's ups and downs.

    I laughed for about half an hour steady.

  15. JimK


    Dec 12, 1999
    Like a few others, Costanza was my 1st thought when I saw this thread.

    Meanwhile, a comeback I liked from my English Lit daze-
    Apparently James Whistler & Oscar Wilde had this little going(Whistler, I guess, believed Wilde was 'stealing' his best lines).

    Whistler comes out with a good pun & Wilde sez, "I wish I had said that".
    Whistler retorts, "You will, Oscar, you will".
  16. JimK


    Dec 12, 1999
  17. FireBug


    Sep 18, 2005
    Haha. Awesome.
  18. Headroom


    Apr 5, 2002
    As many have implied, the problem isn't the lack of a comeback- its all that valuable life wasted looking in the rearview mirror. Meanwhile, I'm about to miss what's ahead of me.....
  19. I know "your momma" jokes became lame a decade ago, but I thought this was funny when I heard it a while back

    ::somebody says a lame "your mom" joke::

    You: "Could we please get off the subject of moms? I just got off of yours last night."
  20. notduane


    Nov 24, 2000
    High school health class. The teacher had a peculiar way of enunciating
    certain words, e.g., phys-EE-cian, cond-EE-tion, etc. My female cousin
    (think uber-blonde Nordic type) was caught chatting with a friend...

    Teacher: "Let's have quiet (cousins_name_here) or you will be p-EE-nalized"
    Cousin: "How can you p-EE-nalize me when I obviously don't have a..." :bag:

    After ten years of "marriage" (yes, the homicidal PBFH :rollno: )
    the ex was lucid long enough to make this statement...

    Ex: "I hope I haven't ruined future relationships for you"

    If ever there was a moment when I could've unloaded :scowl: