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Considering Quitting Band

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Cryssi45, Mar 29, 2013.

  1. Cryssi45


    Mar 29, 2013
    I apologize if this subject has been discussed previously, but I couldn't seem to find anything specific enough to my concern.

    I joined a band back in September. I thought of it as more of a hobby; nothing too big would come of it. After a month or so, we kept getting gig after gig and it has escalated since. We have offers from NY, winning battles to get record deals. Sounds great to most, but I can't seem to handle all of this. It's very overwhelming to me. Not only that but this band life has put a strain on my relationship too.

    The singer has no car, nor does the drummer. The singer will tell me to pick the drummer up without notice. No one offers money for gas and being in the band has also set me back financially. Practices multiple times a week that are 40 min away from my home.

    My guy instinct is telling me to quit now before I get in too deep with all of this. But I'm a wimp and are afaid to tell them I'm quitting because they're all excited about all the progress we've made. I just hate letting people down. But the stress of it all is too much.

    Any advise would be great. Thank you.
  2. Spent


    May 15, 2011
    Upstate NY
    Did you explain this to the other members yet? Level with them first, what's the worst that could happen?
  3. Cryssi45


    Mar 29, 2013
    Well I told our "lead" that I can't afford coming up there so much, and how expencive gas was on me. But nothin changed. I have yet to tell them anything else I've mentioned because frankly I hate confrontation and I expect it if I say this. Mostly from the singer. She tends to be a little dramatic.
  4. One time I was in a band with a guitarist without a car. He had to wait until he had a car to fire me. Class act.
  5. Mushroo

    Mushroo Supporting Member

    Apr 2, 2007
    Massachusetts, USA
    Come up with a $$$ figure that will make it worth your while, and ask the bandleader for it (or you're out of the band)... worst that can happen is they will say no. :)
  6. Well.. I wish I was in your situation... if I was you I would be frkn excited for all of this to be happening. However I guess if you want to do then I can see the dilemma. Just send a text to the whole band, sorry I quit... make it simple and short.
  7. DaDrew2112


    Apr 7, 2011
    If you don't want to put up with the stress, maybe it isn't for you? You have to look at what you want out of it, and what you're willing to offer. List your pros, list your cons, and then make a critical decision and stick with it. Quitting is scary. But it truly is as easy as saying "Guys, I'm going have to back out." and standing firm on your decision.
  8. Cryssi45


    Mar 29, 2013
    I guess what scares me a bit is knowing we have gigs booked pretty much this whole month. It's hard to find bass players and I don't want to set them back. But I know in my gut that this isn't the thing for me. Sure having an opportunity like this is awesome. But I've established such a unique relationship in my personal life that I can't just leave it all on the back burner. I love playing on stage. But the constant going here going there is intimidating.
  9. Mushroo

    Mushroo Supporting Member

    Apr 2, 2007
    Massachusetts, USA
    It's good karma for sure to keep your comittment play the gigs you've already booked with them. :)

    And very bad karma to quit the band by text message when you have already agreed to these dates!
  10. DaDrew2112


    Apr 7, 2011
    Yeah, just to be clear I wasn't suggesting that at all. I suppose a better way of saying it is: "Guys, I'm going to finish all the dates I've agreed to so far. In the meantime, I want you to know that the band has been fun. I'm going to leave though because I don't think it's for me. After (last gig you agreed to doing) I'm quitting the band.

    This way it gives them time to find a replacment and get their act together.
  11. preside


    Aug 7, 2010
    Scottsdale Az
    A TEXT??? You have got to be kidding. Never go this route with anything in life , it's the most chicken sh#*way of handling a problem I have ever heard of.:scowl:
  12. Munjibunga

    Munjibunga Total Hyper-Elite Member Gold Supporting Member

    May 6, 2000
    San Diego (when not at Groom Lake)
    Independent Contractor to Bass San Diego
    Tell them you'll play the gigs that are booked, but then you're out. Also, tell the drummer that he doesn't get in the car until he hands you ten bucks.
  13. Let the band know you're intentions. Tell them not to book any more gigs with you in mind. Offer to play the remaining gigs (you need to fill your comittments). Move on!
  14. This too, Amen!
  15. BawanaRik


    Mar 6, 2012
    New Jersey
    If you're playing taxi you should get compensated. It is costing you pretty much a dollar a mile to drive your car. It's much more than just gas. Unless your car dose not have tires engine etc.

    Second your relationship is supposed to feel great about you making good. If s/he isn't you might not be in the healthiest relationship. The RichandAmy thing may seem cozy but it's stifling.

    I say this with every possible respect, it seems like your letting people take advantage of you is the root cause of the problem.

    This is a once in a lifetime chance. When you're older you won't be able to play a show get home at 4 and go to work the next day. Add to that the fat most guys never even get this chance once and I would say do whatever you need to do and GO FOR IT.

    You only live once.
  16. Cryssi45


    Mar 29, 2013
    Thanks for the great advise everyone. I really appreciate this.
  17. Thick McRunfast

    Thick McRunfast Not just good, good enough

    Sep 30, 2012
    Portland, Oregon USA
    When it comes down to it nobody is responsible for your happiness except you. Stop feeling guilty for wanting to be happy.

    Sit down and write up your complaints and the things you're stressing about. Then list things that could alleviate the problems. Then talk to your band mates.

    If they're unwilling to take steps to correct these things then walk. No ultimatums. No threats. No friggin drama.

    Doesn't have to be confrontational but it has to be done. Sooner is better than later
  18. Technotitclan

    Technotitclan Lurking TB from work

    Mar 1, 2012
    Rochester, NY
    Explain that you are more hobbyist than career and that the money is an issue. Find a dollar amount that would make it worth it and tell them you need to make that much to stay.

    In your shoes I would tell them I need out and arrange to do all the shows currently booked. That is what we did with our singer who left. He finished our already booked last month of gigs and left.
  19. Hmm. You need to talk with them. For me, it would depend on if there is magic or not - perfect musical chemistry doesn’t happen very often, so when it does it‘s worth keeping. On the other hand, if there isn’t any magic and if they don’t want to cover gas cost, etc, just quit and join/start another hobby band more suited to your life style.

    EDIT: PS: no matter what - you should honor all pre booked gigs you agreed to.
  20. Technotitclan

    Technotitclan Lurking TB from work

    Mar 1, 2012
    Rochester, NY
    Also this^ make sure your relationship is worth loosing the once in a life time chance. I've been in both situations. I personally feel worse about the chances i let go for a girl than i do for the girls i've let go for a chance.

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