Constructive criticism on lyrics please

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by Earthday, Jan 8, 2006.

  1. Earthday


    Sep 22, 2005
    New Hampshire
    Please tell me what you think about these lyrics, what you like/dislike, and what you would change. Even the smallest little details, words you think dont fit, just tell me what you think. Thanks in advance.

    Indigo Spy (Jazzy rock)

    Under a Rubigo Sky
    There stands the Indigo Spy
    In his bright blue suit and tie
    Is he the liar or am I

    You’d better run and you’d better hide
    The Indigo spy can see what’s inside
    Like a shadow, here for half the day
    Until he detects neglection and goes on his way

    Skulking around
    With his nose to the ground
    He crouches down
    The hide what he’s found

    But don’t you know, Indigo, you cant hide nothing

    You’d better run and you’d better hide
    The Indigo spy just aint satisfied
    Like a painter, needs every detail
    Until he suspects detection and hides in a veil

    But lite brite stalactites
    Pierce through the night
    And he’s picked right out of the crowd

    Don’t you know, Indigo, you aren’t too hard to see

    On Top of the World (Prog Rock ala Porcupine Tree)

    Arrowheaded air assault
    Loss without a sound
    Toxic shells of cyanide salt
    Hidden underground
    Zouaves with precision drills
    Jumping over obstacles
    Folks that believe in miracles
    With both knees on the ground

    Now the billionaires
    Invest their shares
    In new age wares
    That fire nuclear flares

    We're on top of the world
    Playing card table poker match
    Cigars and cigarettes
    Crafted with care
    All our lives feel so secure
    Everything’s great, there’s no need to share

    We’re on top of the world
    Drink a six pack of middle class
    Fuel powered cannonades
    Crafted with care
    Ending lives never felt so secure
    Lets start right away, there’s one over there

    Sam the Gardener (Funky rock)

    In a little brown barn
    On a little brown hill
    There’s Sam the Gardener
    And the land he loves to till

    Color like carnivals
    Shines into his eyes
    Of delicious fruits And vegetables
    The springtime’s great surprise

    He talks with cheerful tomatoes
    And tries to hide his movement
    From the open eyed potato
    Whose vision needs improvement

    He rides a cucumber submarine
    To a carrot rocket ship
    That’s powered by two tangerines
    And a 44 ton turnip

    There’s two lions on board
    With lettuce frayed manes
    And corn stalk legs
    And celery veins
    With cabbage patch brains
    Grown so large due to rain

    But they just can’t feel Sam’s pain
    He’ll never return to his farm again