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Convinging your partner you are faithfull.

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Petebass, Mar 8, 2005.

  1. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    Oh boy, this is getting difficult to deal with. Since I've met my current girlfriend, I've had to deal with a constant stream of accusations that I an cheating on her. I'm not! And I don't have any plans to! Nor have I been tempted!

    I try to be nice about it because she did have to deal with a cheating ex long before she and I met. But every time I think we've talked it through and we've settled the matter, she hits me with another accusation, some of which border on the rediculous - references to old friends and in one case, a 60yr old woman (I'm 32). The current episode is about a female singer to whom I sent an email on a purely business basis telling her I didn't have any gigs for her. Apparently it was "flirty", though I don't see how? I'm running out of patience.

    What would you do?
  2. Gabu


    Jan 2, 2001
    Lake Elsinore, CA
    The foundation of a relationship is trust. Ask her to have some faith in you. It may be hard... but if she is willing to try than it will make your relationship stronger.

    If she is not willing to try... then I don't know what to say. You can't make a person trust you. Personally, I wouldn't go on like that forever.
  3. At some point, that sorta thing is definitely not cool. Trust is extremely important for a healthy relationship. I don't know how you want to approach this in conversation, but you need to convince her once and for all to begin trusting you.
  4. There's a time for that High School bulls***, and now isn't it.

    Tell her so. It's called growing up.

    Trust.... No trust, no relationship.

  5. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    I agree. But how? I though I'd managed to convince her several times before.
  6. Dan1099

    Dan1099 Dumbing My Process Down

    Aug 7, 2004
    I know what you are going through. My current girlfriend is a wonderful woman, but she has been burned in the past, and as such, has a hard time trusting me. She hasnt accused me of cheating directly, but you can tell she's worried about it. Also, due to a lack of trust on her part, some things I say or do that are perfectly normal, explainable things, she intreprets as flirting, or decieving her, or whatever. I expect this is what is happening with the e-mail to the singer. There is something in there that, while perfectly legitimate, when seen in JUST the right light, with JUST the right bias, can seem like it MIGHT be flirtatious. And, not trusting you, she automatically jumps to the worst possible scenario. It's ugly.

    I have recently explained my opinions to her on this matter. I told her I have been living with her for the last year, and it is high time i start getting a little trust. I dont want live with someone who wont trust me, I told her. It seems to have worked, for now. Here's hoping it stays that way.

    Best of luck. If I could do it all over again, I would have told her how i felt the first time, and not let it happen to begin with. It's a bit too late for that now.
  7. If you have already invested time in "convincing", you're dealing with someone who already has their mind made up...there will be no convincing....
  8. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002
    Run far and fast. That stuff WILL NOT end. She is either doing wrong herself, or so insecure that she cannot be dealt with reasonably. RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN. You shouldn't need to convince her.
  9. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    Simple solution: Next time she accuses you of cheating with another woman just tell her you're gay.

    brad cook
  10. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    Including males into the equation would probably just double the number of accusations :)

    OK assuming running away is not an option just yet, what would you do?
  11. Counceling. For her. Seriously. Ssuming her being faithful as well, seems there could be an insecurity complex coming into play. And she is projecting it onto you.
  12. CQBASS


    Dec 1, 2004
    Asheville NC
    Run away quickly. If it's an ongoing thing like you say it will never change. And in my opinion it's usually people who are cheating that constantly accuse others of the same thing.
  13. Have you ever talked about her ex and that whole situation in any real depth? You could try to highlight how you are different, which might help to stop connecting his cheating with any of the "signs" she apparently feels like she's getting from you.
  14. Only


    Sep 8, 2002
    Warrensburg, MO
    There is no hope. She will NEVER stop accusing you. If you give a good enough excuse to stop her accusations for a week, she will think you're hiding something because your excuse was so well worded and start going through your stuff when you're gone. She will find something, maybe a pic of a friend's wife from 6 years ago when you visited them. She will then proceed to flip out all over again. And again.

    Run away.
    Run away.
  15. Petebass


    Dec 22, 2002
    QLD Australia
    We didn't talk about im at first, but when I started to spot the emerging pattern, I asked her to fill me in. It doesn't help that his name was also Pete, and that he was in the music industry. The parallels spook her, and she's developed a distrust for musicians. Apparently we have girls throwing themselves at us all the time. It must happen before I arrive or after I leave because I certainly ain't no chick magnet. Either that or I've been totally oblivious to sexual signals from girls I meet (another one of her false claims).
  16. DigMe


    Aug 10, 2002
    Waco, TX
    In that case just tell her you're impotent and play the part.

    brad cook
  17. Dan1099

    Dan1099 Dumbing My Process Down

    Aug 7, 2004
    ....fact of the matter is, you shouldnt have to "convince" your partner that you are faithfull. Innocent until proven guilty, right? She should trust you enough that she shouldnt even have to ask, she should just know.
  18. Nick man

    Nick man

    Apr 7, 2002
    Tampa Bay
    End it now.

    No trust, no relationship.
  19. dlloyd

    dlloyd zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    Apr 21, 2004
    She's terrified of losing you and is dealing with it in the way someone has been burnt before often deals with it... irrationally. How long have you been seeing her?
  20. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Terrific Twister

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    That kind of baggage will never go away. You need to assess the relationship, and decide if living with that hanging over your head is worth it. If not, follow Nicks advice.