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Couldn't find that craigslist thread

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Joe Nerve, May 7, 2010.

  1. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
    So I'm puttin this one here. I kinda liked it.


    So here's the deal. I play guitar, another guy plays drums, and a chick sings.

    So to simplify things, here's a list of our meager demands.

    1) Image. We're out to make loud, fast, catchy rock music, not pose for the cover of Blender. If you're ugly as **** that's ok, we'll just get you some sunglasses and an ironic trucker hat or something.
    2) Your "Connections"- Do you feel the need to pad your musical resume' with tales of your sister's friend's cousin's uncle that used to book shows in high school? Then I'm willing to bet that you don't spend too much time practicing. In fact I would imagine the only time you even use your instrument is when you wear it while looking at yourself in the mirror, dreaming of somehow becoming a rock star without ever really learning to play. Just go sell your bass on ebay and buy a copy of guitar hero you talentless piece of ****.
    3) Your "Vision"- Are you looking to play eclectic trip-hop folk metal with a hint of Russian Circles mixed with Chromeo? Stay the **** away from us you irresolute schizophrenic ass hat!
    4) "Making it"- The three of us have lives. If this band goes nowhere we're cool with it as long as we're having fun as we fail. If things go really well and we want to step things up then we'll jump off that bridge when we come to it. But if you're in this for the money, go kill yourself. You probably don't have a creative bone in your body and the world will be a better place if someone beat you to death with a bag of dirty needles.
    5) Your Age- I'm 32, the singer is 26, drummer is 23. You can be any age you want, but if we play a show at 2am it can't be past your bedtime or the time you usually wake up to take your liver medicine.

    1) Be able to play. I'm not saying you have to be Les Claypool , but you have to be able to write your own parts. I swear to god the next person that sends me an email saying something along the lines of "I can play as long as someone tells me what to play" is getting stabbed right in their time-wasting mouth.
    2) Have decent equipment. Again, nothing crazy here. You don't have to have a $10k rig. But that starter kit your parents got suckered into buying for you at Sam Ash last Christmas isn't going to cut it.
    3) Be able to handle life. If you are having trouble scraping together 8 bucks a week to practice, or you've "got a lot going on with your girlfriend right now", or you go through a 4 pack of PBR tallboys every single practice, stay the **** away from us!
    4) While not totally necessary, being a fan of LOST is a plus in our eyes!

    That's about it. Any recordings we have were recorded on my iPhone, so they sound like 6 bowls of ****. But if you want to hear them , go here... www.myspace.com/thenamelesslosers
    The name is temporary till we get a bass player, then we'll pick a name everyone likes. Absolutely nothing is set in stone musically (again, waiting for a bass player).

    Come on people, there must be some normal human beings out there that enjoy rocking every so often!
  2. RNV


    Apr 13, 2010
    Loxahatchee, Fl
    fEARful (I endorse them, not visa versa)
    Awesome ad. That is a guy I would jam with. Great attitude.
  3. Uh oh, he didn't say anything about Jesus or politics! I would show up to the audition and go on and on and on and on and on about financial services reform legislation until they told me to shut up. But that's ok - the political talk was just so I could get warmed up to go on and on and on and on and on about our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

    I wish it was simply called "trolling" when you do it in real life. Unfortunately, there is way less tolerance for that sort of thing when you do it in person.
  4. i'd totally play with this guy heh
  5. SpamBot


    Dec 25, 2008
    St. Paul, MN
    Seconded and seconded, gentlemen
  6. spaz21387


    Feb 25, 2008
    Portland oregon
    the ad was awesome. but im not so sure the singer is a chick she sounds alot like a guy.
  7. duff beer

    duff beer

    Dec 2, 2007
    That is an ad I would respond to...
  8. Unrepresented

    Unrepresented Something Borderline Offensive

    Jul 1, 2006
    San Diego, CA
    They had me with their ad, they lost me when I clicked on their myspace.:(
  9. N.F.A.


    Jun 25, 2009
    In a blue funk
    Great ad, not my style of music though... Thanks to the original poster for this.
  10. Unrepresented

    Unrepresented Something Borderline Offensive

    Jul 1, 2006
    San Diego, CA
    That's a much nicer way of saying what I just said. I would clearly benefit from a PR firm.:meh:
  11. N.F.A.


    Jun 25, 2009
    In a blue funk
    Nothing wrong with the way you said it. Vive le difference!

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