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Crazy wife!

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by eric atkinson, Mar 21, 2005.

  1. eric atkinson

    eric atkinson "Is our children learning "Is our teachers teachin

    Feb 4, 2001
    Hey just a pointer for you younger guys or single guys! Dont get married to a woman that doesnt support youre music 100%! And be carefull some say they will then change there minds after a few years! For example the drummer i play with is married to a crazy nasty evil woman! She has never really supported his music and really doesnt care about music at all. This was never a problem till he had a child with her. Now she lays this you have to be a responsible father thing down. Dont get me wrong its not like we sit around and drink and smoke crack ever practice. We practice till about 9 every other night and if any memeber has a kid related thing to do then we all pull back a pratice. We all have children and wifes and the drummer is the only one that has a crazy wife. This makes me soooo very sad because i have played with this drummer most of my musical life. I played in a signed band with him for 7 years then 8 years after that trying to put somthing cool together. We both think alike and know were we r going in a tune at all times! This is not somthing that just comes along! this has taken years to make. But he doesnt ever do anything about his crazy wife so it just gets worse. It has gotten so bad that i am thinking of leaving the band because i cant put up with her crap any longer. My wife cant stand her. This also sucks becase his 6 year old girl is best friends with my 6 year old girl. So i guess this is just a warning to others make sure youre wife supports you and your music and dont let that ever change!
  2. xshawnxearthx


    Aug 23, 2004
    new jersey
    i had a crazy girlfriend who loved the fact that i was in a band and played music, but hated all the things that went alongg...ie touring, gigging, practice, spending money on gear. that sort of thing.

    ruined some of the best things(like doing a full us tour, playing the warped tour) so when i dropped her, i found a girl who loves music as much as i do. has a musical family(tho she doesnt shred herself) she loves everything that comes with my music. if she didnt, i wouldnt be with her.
  3. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    If I tell you what I do for a living, and after you tell me you accept it, you then decide that you have a problem with it, then screw you!
  4. Surgeon


    Mar 4, 2003
    North Dakota
    Less of a problem for those of us with day jobs doing this on the side. It's easier for a musical hack like me to support his bass habit without relying on talent anyway. :p

    Now if I told my wife I was leaving my job, forfeiting my degree, and heading out to pursue a career in music and she DIDN'T try and kick my ***, then I'd be worried! :smug:
  5. LiquidMidnight


    Dec 25, 2000
    I've seen a lot of great musicians quit playing because of their possesive wives/girlfriends. I'm up front with all potential girlfriends when it comes to what I do for a living (I'm also a college student, but this is my source of income). If they don't like it, then I have no problem with saying "See ya!"
  6. fraublugher


    Nov 19, 2004
    ottawa, ontario, canada
    music school retailer
    ya this is old news but a good warning.
    also , never ever play with a married couple .
  7. MichaelScott


    Jul 27, 2004
    Moorpark CA
    Also a good tip. I would never play in a group where two people are romanticly involved- let alone married.
  8. Edwcdc

    Edwcdc I call shotgun!

    Jul 21, 2003
    Columbia MD USA
    My first wife hated me playing music. She would always say "when are you going to get a real job and quit living in this fantasy world?" I reality was that I didn't consider my job of playing music full time a fantasy. I was bringing home pretty decent money each week but I think she saw how easy my life was compared to her's so she assumed that what I was doing wasn't a real job. I ended up getting out of the biz and got a straight job but things still sucked so I got the hell out.
    My new wife is 100% supportive of me and lets me buy gear... sometimes. ;) She knows I am happy with playing on weekends and since I don't drink, or do drugs, or hook up with backstage Bettys after shows she digs what I do and is cool with it.
  9. Rockgurl


    Dec 17, 2004
    CT, USA
    If the dude lets his wife behave like that then he obviously doesn't mind. I wouldn't try to come between them, because it's up to him and it will only cause problems between you. I've had people try to come between me and my music, but anyone close to me realizes that music is the only thing to truly make me happy, and they will have to accept that. If I start getting earache from someone then I give them a quiet but firm "no". I've made a lot of sacrifces, and I've worked very hard. Music is my thing and I won't give it up for anyone. It's part of the package.
  10. Lowtonejoe

    Lowtonejoe Supporting Member

    Jul 3, 2004
    Richland, WA


    By the way, nice update on your site. You should use the pic on your 'Home' page as your avatar. It is cool.


  11. QORC


    Aug 22, 2003
    Elberon, New Jersey
    yup. happened to us. lost a great guitarist last year after his new wife (who NEVER came to see us when they were dating) got pregnant and gave him a choice.

  12. buzzbass

    buzzbass Shoo Shoo Retarded Flu !

    Apr 23, 2003
    Crap, I'm in that exact situation now. All is well, but give it time. I'm sure it'll all go to crap at some point, LOL !
  13. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    LOL! That happened to a drummer friend of mine, and he called her bluff. They celebrated their 12th anniversary this year! :cool:
  14. QORC


    Aug 22, 2003
    Elberon, New Jersey
    well this guy had no nuts, clearly. It was upsetting. Yeah we found a replacement, and the guy plays some keys and does harmonies (the last guy didn't), but he's not the guitarist our first one was.

    But that's the nature of bands. people come, people go.
  15. eric atkinson

    eric atkinson "Is our children learning "Is our teachers teachin

    Feb 4, 2001
    Ahh the job issue! Well the drummer that i am talking about is self employed and doing very well! She doesnt work at all all she does is complaine! She really isnt that great of a mother to be laying the guilt trip on him about quality family time! We get together 2 times a week and are kids play while we jam! The kids love the band and think its awsome when they here a song on the radio. I also own a buisness and do wekk for myself but my wife is as cool as they come for a musician! Ohh and this doesnt just go for crazy wifes maybe i shouldnt have said that didnt want to offend any of the ladies here! Sorry if i did! Because i also knew a wonderful drummer who is a girl that got married to a big red-neck and i havent seen her on the scene for years!
  16. Rockgurl


    Dec 17, 2004
    CT, USA
    Hey, thanx Joe! If I had an avatar I would! LOL :D
  17. Surgeon


    Mar 4, 2003
    North Dakota
    I know how you can get one!
  18. msquared


    Sep 19, 2004
    Kansas City
    This totally bears repeating. Guys are just as capable of being demanding and overbearing in a relationship as women are.

    There's a lot that goes on behind the scenes of any relationship, even before kids come along to complicate things. It's not really fair to place most/all of the blame with the spouse. Say what you will about pressure from the better half, but the musician made a decision to get married or not and is the one to ultimately decide whether to keep playing music actively or not. It's not like people wake up one day to find themselves married to a controlling anti-music harpy with no idea how they got there. It's too bad when they decide to stop doing it, but it's their call.
  19. Roundwound


    May 13, 2004
    Peoria, IL
    Don't leave the band because of some wife's attitude. It would be worse if you and your friend turned tail and stopped playing altogether. Who wins? Nobody. And he should proceed by telling her what other trouble a bored modern husband can find when he is prevented from using his real gifts in life. How much more irresponsible things can get!!

    For the married men with kids (or one on the way) reading this thread, there is hope. My wife and I have #4 in the oven. I also have a 7, 4, and 2 year-old running around the house. I gig with my rock band 2-3 times a month and serve musically twice a month at church. And we're happy. How?

    Here are some lessons learned:

    1. When you get home from each gig, place the all $ you earn on the kitchen counter with a little thank you note. Keep the smile on your face as you say good-bye to your money.

    2. Wake up the next morning, although you might be tired, and make breakfast for your wife and kids. If it's a Saturday or Sunday morning, take the kids to McDonald's Playland or something like that, and let the wife nap or go shopping.

    3. Devote your other extra time to your families, forget going out since your nights out will be to play music. Reprioritize your life and don't be a jerk and try to push the envelope. Once you try and make the world entirely about you, then she will give you problems and you will probably deserve it.

    It's all been a delicate balance, but if you elevate your wife and kids like you elevate your music, then you will be on the right side of the fence. If she still gives you problems, then it would be one empty argument, and she will be the one who has to change, not you.
  20. My wife first saw me on stage 35 years ago when I was 16 thumping out notes on my bass. Ten years later we got married. Except for about 6 months I have always played in bands. To this day if I miss two weeks without being on a stage somewhere she tells me to go find somewhere to play. She knows how I feel about wives and girlfriends who come to gigs with their lips all poked out and arms crossed staring at their man on stage. It just sucks the life out of any musician. They should enjoy being there or just stay at home. That being said, I can sorta see where this guys wife could be a little pissed about practicing till nine every other night. IMHO four nights a week is a little much to ask any mate to put up with.