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criticism on poem...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by DEFELDUS, Aug 11, 2003.


  1. ok, i had to write a poem about myself for AP english, and im not a poet by any means,but im workin my butt off in this class (im a senior) to make top 10, which is no easy task in a class of 350+. but tell me what you guys think about this, comments, suggestions, and "this poem is crap"s are welcome :)


    Me
    Always waiting for something, but what?
    Always thinking about something, why, how?
    Music is my blood, and is always flowing through me.
    I can never satisfy myself, mostly because I care too much about what others think of me.
    I do not know where my life is headed, College is imminent, but where, for what?
    Life is about to truly start, am I ready?
    I don't know what I'm searching for, but I know I can't stop until I find it.
    So I continue waiting, yet somehow I feel as though I am learning,
    Learning to live.
     
  2. Gia

    Gia

    Feb 28, 2001
    roseability
    we like the last two lines.
    the 'music is my blood' line however, is really disconnected with the rest of the poem in subject and structure.
    the fifth line is a little dodgy too. it's too long and therefore seems out of place and detracts from the rest of the poem.

    we think it will be quite good if you fix those two lines
    :)
     
  3. yeah, i agree, problem is one of the things on the rubric says "i should be able to tell what you're main interest in life is from reading it" :meh:

    hey, besides this took all of 2 minutes to write :D
     
  4. hmm
    i did a little reworking and heres what i came up with:

    Me
    Always waiting for something, but what?
    Always thinking about something, why, how?
    I can never satisfy myself, mostly because I care too much about what others think of me.
    I do not know where my life is headed, College is imminent, but where, for what?
    Music is my blood, and is always flowing through me,
    But is it something I want to do all my life?
    Life is about to truly start, am I ready?
    I don’t know what I’m searching for, but I know I can’t stop until I find it.
    So I continue waiting, yet somehow I feel as though I am learning,
    Learning to live.


    kinda incorporates the thought without seeming so out of place
     
  5. lil_bass_boy

    lil_bass_boy Banned

    Oct 25, 2001
    Maryland, USA
    "this poem is crap"
     
  6. :D
     
  7. Better than anything I can come up with. Good job dude.
     
  8. nice poem. I liked it.
     
  9. thanks for the compliments guys.

    we had to read them and all today and the teacher loved it :)
     
  10. I liked it too, specially the revised one....it was just so...revised!
     
  11. Bard2dbone

    Bard2dbone

    Aug 4, 2002
    Arlington TX
    Mmm doesn't suck










    :D