1. Please take 30 seconds to register your free account to remove most ads, post topics, make friends, earn reward points at our store, and more!  

Critique my bands bio

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by TheVoiceless, Apr 28, 2010.


  1. TheVoiceless

    TheVoiceless

    Jun 11, 2008
    New Jersey
    Hey TB,

    I put together a bio to add to our bands web page. I tried writing from an outside perspective. I also tried to compose it with a touch of marketing to try and get readers excited about the band through the bio. Its not the final draft so feel free to point out any misspellings or grammar issues Well let me have it. Thanks!


    The Voiceless: Circa 2008 was formed to create Rock influenced Heavy Metal that makes head's bang and fists pound. Comprised of Tim Cacavas (vocals) Rick Maldonado (guitars) Rob McElroy (guitars) Donny Barnes (drums, samples) and Troy Thoden (bass B/U vox) this American product of the East Coast represent what they feel is most important to fans of the harder side of music; in your face vocals, punishing low end, and solid percussion combined with tasteful guitar playing. Not trying to be the most technical or brutal metal band, The Voiceless focus on writing good songs.

    In a genre of music, such as metal, its truly hard to stand out from the crowd of talented bands. The Voiceless set themselves apart by mixing American rock rhythms with European classical and metal melodies. Keeping listeners attention through clever changes and hook filled lyrics, creating songs that stick with you after you turn the Ipod off.

    At the beginning of June, 2008 The Voiceless began recording their first E.P. with friend and pro engineer Steve Lagudi. With no label and all money coming from its members, The Voiceless set out to record 5 songs that could best represent the group in its first attempt to make a professional recording. With the bands collective experience and the guidance of Corey Pierce, Coyle media and engineer Steve Lagudi they began work on the EP to be titled "Blood From A Stone". The band started the recording process with 2 singers, both of which would end up not completing the sessions and moving onto other endeavors, it was up the band to find a singer that could bring the type of vocals to the band that they have been looking for. Step in Diz (Tim) coming in at the final hour when all hope was gone. He brought his evil scream and passionate singing to the already recorded instrumentals. With the help of Tommy Jones (Mutiny Within, Halo of Locust) Diz jumped right into the studio and laid down his tracks. Mixing/Mastering duties were handled by the trusted ears of Eric Rachel (Skid Row, God Forbid, Everytime I Die, Hatebreed) at Trax East.

    The Voiceless have shared the stage with some national acts in the few years they have been gigging . First by having their debut show as an opener for God Forbid, and Roadrunner Records up and coming talents Mutiny Within. Their second effort; playing in support of the Chemical Alliance tour in NJ featuring Scum of the Earth, Ekotren and Rickets. Then not before long onto playing with the band Diecast. Bleeding Through is the latest National act to share the stage with The Voiceless. Also playing local shows with local bands such as Sicker Than Most, With Daggers Drawn, Beyond Dishonor to name a few.

    The band is gearing up for the release of this EP that has consumed the bands life for almost 2 years. The Voiceless will be playing out in support of Blood From A Stone so get out and support this group of hard working musicians.
     
  2. robthegaff

    robthegaff

    Nov 29, 2009
    Ireland
    Thats a good job. Looks very objective and professional; it could be too long to keep the average punter interested for long though.
     
  3. Jon Moody

    Jon Moody Commercial User

    Sep 9, 2007
    Kalamazoo, MI
    Manager of Digital Brand Development and Product Development at GHS Strings
    It's a good start, but I'd trim it down a lot. For example, this is how I'd do your paragraph about who you've played with:

    "In their short lifespan, the Voiceless have shared the stage with some seasoned veterans, such as God Forbid, Roadrunner Records newcomers Mutiny Within, the Chemical Alliance tour (feat. Scum of the Earth, Ekotren and Rickets), Diecast, and Bleeding Through. Locally, the Voiceless have been seen with Sicker Than Most, With Daggers Drawn, and Beyond Dishonor, to name a few."

    Keep it as short and poignant as possible.
     
  4. firmlybassed

    firmlybassed

    Mar 6, 2008
    Hickory NC
    Really good. Just some advice because I went down this road several times. Keep what you have but remember your objective. If it is to get gigs then keep it short to the point and what the target audience is looking for. Example.... Club owners are looking for numbers to fill the club and increase the bar monies... So focus on angles that they would be interested in to book you. If you are looking for record deals then more detail and qualifications and past experiences (recording, tours, festivals etc) They also want number to but on sales of your indie music etc...
     
  5. SnappyFerret

    SnappyFerret What it is, what it is Supporting Member

    Feb 14, 2009
    It sounds impressive to me. Since you asked for spelling and grammer issues, I saw just one. No apostrophe on "heads" (here it's plural, not possessive). Good luck on your musical adventure!
     
  6. Edit, edit, edit it down. Always look for ways to say the same (or more) in fewer words.

    For example, "... this American product of the East Coast..." might be better as "...this product of the Atlantic coast..." and let people figure out that you're not from Liberia, Africa. Or try "... this East Coast band represents..."

    Let's look at another sentence:
    "In a genre of music, such as metal, its truly hard to stand out from the crowd of talented bands."

    This is not going to captivate a critical leader. It's truly hard to stand out from the crowd of talented polka bands too. And "truly" is a superfluous adverb here - if it wasn't "truly" hard to stand out, you wouldn't bother saying it. Try this instead:

    "The Voiceless stand apart from ordinary metal bands with their [fill in the blank]."

    It's more direct, uses an action verb ("stand" instead of "is" = "to be"), uses your band name as the subject of the sentence, and (when you fill in the blank) this sentence will describe your band (instead of lamenting about how truly hard it is to stand out in the metal genre).

    :)

    All criticism is meant constructively. You've done a lot of great work. Just go through it and edit, edit, edit. Anytime you can rewrite it to use fewer words, do it. Any time you can replace "is" "it is" "be" "am" or "are" with an action verb, do it. Any sentence that does not describe your features should be cut or rewritten to include your band.

    I'm currently writing a bio for my band as well. Maybe I'll put in some more work tonight and share it as well. But maybe I can't deal with the critics like me! :p
     
  7. knumbskull

    knumbskull

    Jul 28, 2007
    UK
    it's good, you hit the key points. i would definitely cut it down a bit for length - suggest losing the following bits:

    CUT 'In a genre of music, such as metal, its truly hard to stand out from the crowd of talented bands.' - a bit general.

    CUT 'With no label and all money coming from its members, The Voiceless set out to record 5 songs that could best represent the group in its first attempt to make a professional recording.' - and maybe mention in the final paragraph that it is a 5-track e.p.

    the bit about the 2 singers and then finding your current singer is interesting - maybe shorten it a bit? -

    'The band started the recording with 2 singers, but neither completed the sessions. Step in Diz (Tim) at the final hour when hope was almost gone. He brought his evil scream and passionate singing to the already recorded instrumentals.'
     
  8. Kuchar

    Kuchar

    May 31, 2006
    Michigan
    "Rock influenced Heavy Metal that makes head's bang and fists pound. "

    The word heads doesn't need the apostrophe. It isn't showing possession and it doesn't stand for head is.

    Haha, just a small mistake that I picked out :p
     
  9. Hope you don't mind my inputs! :) Here is how I would edit this paragraph:

    The first recording sessions for The Voiceless' self-produced EP, "Blood from a Stone," were in June 2008 with engineer Steve Lagudi [at Steve's Big Famous Studio]. Two separate singers left the group during the recording process. With their debut CD in peril, the band turned to the evil screams and passionate singing of Tim (Diz). Diz jumped right into the studio and recorded his vocals with the help of Tommy Jones (Mutiny Within, Halo of Locust). Mixing/Mastering duties were handled by the trusted ears of Eric Rachel (Skid Row, God Forbid, Everytime I Die, Hatebreed) at Trax East.

    It's just a process of streamlining it and editing out all the stuff that doesn't cut to the chase. (Like "June 2008" instead of "at the beginning of June 2008" - the meaning is almost identical but the latter is much longer. And "self-produced" instead of "no label and all money coming from its members", plus "self-produced" sounds more professional and ambitious.)

    Again all the criticism is meant constructively. Cut it down till there's nothing left but the action verbs and the critical details. It's gotta be lean and aggressive. :bassist:
     
  10. Qvist

    Qvist

    Jul 20, 2007
    Denmark
    Why does the bios of bands always have to be that damn long? There's a million bands out there, all you need is the who, what's and where's!

    Example:

    We are The Rhondas, we are from the North Pole and we play jazz-metal with a hint of polka since 1939.

    Contact and booking:
    Mail: blah@blah.com
    Phone: 197301035...

    If the music's good, people will be interested anyway. Just post pictures, videos and new music on your webpage, myspace or whatever.
     
  11. I respectfully disagree. This falls into the PR game, and you can't half ass it. If your music is a home run, you need to hit a home run in the PR game too otherwise you are selling yourselves short. Imagine this:

    "Hey, I love your band. I review bands on the local music scene for a little blog I do. It's not much but I get about 1000 hits per week. Would you mind if I review your band? Do you have a bio that I can use?"

    "Yes. We are The Rhondas. We are from the North Pole and we play jazz-metal with a hint of polka since 1939."

    "Uh... Right, I know, I saw your show. So just send me that bio and I'll have a review up later this week."

    What are you gonna do? Throw something together at the last minute and hope it's cool? That is Bad Planning(TM) in my humble opinion. You should have thought of this ahead of time.

    So, create the big long bio and put it on your website. Your girlfriend, mom, loyal fans, and kidnap victims can read it because they are a captive audience. They're already at your website, so they're interested in you, so give them the whole story.

    Next, cut that bio down to 1 paragraph. This is for marketing purposes. It gets sent with your CD and some photos in your press kit. The reader probably gets 1 billion press kits per hour and couldn't care less about your life story - so describe the band in 1 paragraph. Describe what they're going to hear and why they should care. If they want to know what microphones you use, or what storage unit you rent for practice space, they can check your website.

    Next, cut that down into 1 sentence (like you posted about The Rhondas). This is your byline for promotional purposes. When you book a gig, and they put your name on their website ("Friday - The Rhondas"), it goes on the next line so people know at a glance if they'll hate you ("Friday - The Rhondas; North Polish Death Metal and 1940s era Polka").

    That 1 sentence bio plus your contact info makes your business card.

    It would be extremely foolish, IMO, to neglect to write a full bio just because you don't need it yet. When the time comes and you need it, throwing it together at the last minute is Bad Planning(TM).

    this is all in my humble opinion and experience. I'm eternally trying to improve my PR knowledge and any corrections or feedback is appreciated.
     
  12. TheVoiceless

    TheVoiceless

    Jun 11, 2008
    New Jersey
    Thanks everyone for your input. I will read each of your responses and taylor around your suggestions. I will post an updated version once I do the edits.

    Thanks again!!
     
  13. TheVoiceless

    TheVoiceless

    Jun 11, 2008
    New Jersey
    Here is my updated edited version. I took all of your ideas into consideration. All of them were good. In fact I just flat out took what Jason P wrote (hope you don't mind).

    I appreciate everyone who took the time to read what I wrote. I was afraid to leave something important out hence the long Bio.


    The Voiceless: Circa 2008 was formed to create Rock influenced Heavy Metal that makes heads bang and fists pound. Comprised of Tim Cacavas (vocals) Rick Maldonado (guitars) Rob McElroy (guitars) Donny Barnes (drums, samples) and Troy Thoden (bass B/U vox) this product of the Garden State do what they feel is most important to fans of the harder side of music; in your face vocals, punishing low end, and solid percussion combined with tasteful guitar playing. Not trying to be the most technical or brutal metal band, The Voiceless focus on writing good songs.

    The Voiceless set themselves apart by mixing American rock rhythms with European classical and metal melodies. Keeping listeners attention through clever changes and hook filled lyrics, creating songs that stick with you after you turn the Ipod off.

    The first recording sessions for The Voiceless' self-produced EP, "Blood from a Stone," were in June 2008 with engineer Steve Lagudi (Endwell, God Forbid). Two separate singers left the group during the recording process. With their debut CD in peril, the band turned to the evil screams and passionate singing of Tim (Diz). Diz jumped right into the studio and recorded his vocals with the help of Tommy Jones (Mutiny Within, Halo of Locust). Mixing/Mastering duties were handled by the trusted ears of Eric Rachel (Skid Row, God Forbid, Everytime I Die, Hatebreed) at Trax East.

    In their short lifespan, the Voiceless have shared the stage with some seasoned veterans, such as God Forbid, Roadrunner Records newcomers Mutiny Within, the Chemical Alliance tour (feat. Scum of the Earth, Ekotren and Rickets), Diecast, and Bleeding Through. Locally, the Voiceless have been seen with Sicker Than Most, With Daggers Drawn, and Beyond Dishonor, to name a few.

    The band is gearing up for the release of this 5 song EP that has consumed the bands life for almost 2 years. The Voiceless will be playing out in support of Blood From A Stone so get out and support this group of hard working musicians.
     
  14. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    OK, I just spent about 20 minutes typing a detailed set of corrections and somehow the computer logged me out while I was typing and the whole thing was lost. I'm not going to retype the whole thing so I will summarize the main points:

    Every paragraph except the fourth has grammar and syntax errors. Hyphenate phrases used as adjectives (rock-influenced, five-song EP), write out numbers under 20, make up your mind if the Voiceless is a singular or plural, never capitalize "the" except at the beginning of sentences (no not even in a band name), add apostrophes to all possessives, put an exclamation point on command sentences (the final one), make sure every sentence has a main verb (last sentence in paragraph 2 doesn't have one), and avoid backslashes and abbreviations. The first sentence starts wrong (should be "The voiceless were formed in 2008," not "Circa 2008 was formed" which made me think the band's name was "Circa 2008"). Also, if your vocalist's nickname is "Diz" introduce that the FIRST time he is mentioned - Tim "Diz" Cacavas and then use either his real name or his nickname consistently.

    Also I think it's still too long -- get it down to three paragraphs. Cut unnecessary adjectives -- who really cares how trusted Eric Rachel's ears are?

    Good luck!
     
  15. TheVoiceless

    TheVoiceless

    Jun 11, 2008
    New Jersey

    Ok I made a lot of the changes you suggested. Here is the updated edit:


    The Voiceless was formed to create rock-influenced heavy metal that makes heads bang and fists pound. Comprised of Tim Cacavas (vocals) Rick Maldonado (guitars) Rob McElroy (guitars) Don Barnes (drums, samples) and Troy Thoden (bass B/U vox) this product of the Garden State do what they feel is most important to fans of the harder side of music. Write music with in your face vocals, punishing low end, solid percussion combined with tasteful guitar playing. The Voiceless set themselves apart by mixing American rock-rhythms with European classical and metal melodies. Keeping listeners attention through clever changes and hook filled lyrics. The Voiceless write songs that stick with you after you turn your Ipod off.



    The first recording sessions for the Voiceless self-produced EP, "Blood from a Stone," began in June 2008 with engineer Steve Lagudi (Endwell, God Forbid). Two separate singers left the group during the recording process. With their debut CD in peril, the band turned to the evil screams and passionate singing of Tim (Diz). Diz jumped right into the studio and recorded his vocals with the help of Tommy Jones (Mutiny Within, Halo of Locust). Mixing/Mastering duties were handled by Eric Rachel (Skid Row, God Forbid, Everytime I Die, Hatebreed) at Trax East.



    In their short lifespan, the Voiceless have shared the stage with some national acts, such as God Forbid, Roadrunner Records newcomers Mutiny Within, the Chemical Alliance tour (feat. Scum of the Earth, Ekotren and Rickets), Diecast, and Bleeding Through. Locally, the Voiceless have been seen with Sicker Than Most, With Daggers Drawn, and Beyond Dishonor, to name a few.



    The band is gearing up for the release of this five-song EP that has consumed the bands life for almost two years. The Voiceless will be playing out in support of Blood From A Stone, so get out and support this group of hard working musicians!
     
  16. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Hey sorry to come down so hard but this is your presentation to the world and you want it perfect -- I'll give you some copy-editing myself, save you time:

     
  17. TheVoiceless

    TheVoiceless

    Jun 11, 2008
    New Jersey
    Hey man, it is very appreciated. I expected worse from the trolls on the web. But everyone on TB has been encouraging and helpful. Bass players are just a better breed if you ask me. Thanks! Troy
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.