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Dealing with grief

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by FingerDub, Dec 4, 2017.

  1. FingerDub

    FingerDub Banned

    Jan 8, 2016
    My father passed away two weeks ago, and I'm having a really difficult time with it. I've had some people tell me that it's a part of life and you can't do anything about it and just move on, but I'm not doing that well. I never thought it would be this hard, but I think I need to talk to somebody or do something because I'm losing it and I can't sleep and I think about him often. My step mom says that grief is more difficult to deal with than one might think.

    I guess I'm just venting, but I definitely know I need help.
  2. Mktrat

    Mktrat Seriously, are we not doing phrasing anymore?

    Apr 9, 2013
    The Mitten
    I'm very sorry to hear this. My sincerest condolences.

    Not to sound cliche....you realize you need help. That's great.
    Find someone your comfortable talking to and get on the path to healing.

    A smart person is one who can admit when they need help.
  3. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    That is totally the wrong thing to say to someone grieving, especially the loss of a parent.
    While we aren't 'friends', please know I am sorry you lost your father my friend.
    You take all the time you need to remember, grieve, cry, be mad, smile, laugh, cry some more, whatever else suits you or you need to do. There ain't a dang thing wrong with you bud.

  4. pcake

    pcake Supporting Member

    Sep 20, 2011
    Los Angeleez
    i'm so sorry for your loss :(

    there are grief counselors. my ex sister-in-;aw went to one after her father passed on. that might help you. or perhaps you have a priest, rabbi or pastor you could talk to.

    i've had several deaths in our family that hit me hard, and the hardest was my mother. the grief was crushing, and it's supposed to be, i guess. but believe it or not, it does gradually lighten over time.

    i agree with everything you've said. it's so very true in every way in my experience...
  5. JACink


    Mar 9, 2011
    I am very sorry for your loss.

    Everyone needs to deal with grief in different ways, the important thing is to know how you need to deal with it. If you feel you need help, seek help now, don't wait to see if it will go away.
    FingerDub and TrevorR like this.
  6. Selta


    Feb 6, 2002
    Pacific Northwet
    Total fanboi of: Fractal Audio, AudiKinesis Cabs, Dingwall basses
  7. My Dad passed 20 years ago. :( It is part of life, but that doesn't make it easier. You get by with your memories. The only advice I can give you is to ask how your Dad would want you to deal with this situation, and go with that.
    Lost my Mom 9 years ago.
    The two hardest things you'll ever have to do is say goodbye to your parents.
    My sincerest condolences at this sad time for you.
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2017
    JimK, FingerDub and Stumbo like this.
  8. bass12

    bass12 Say "Ahhh"... Supporting Member

    Jun 8, 2008
    Montreal, Canada
    Death is part of life but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. In addition, no one but you knows how attached you were/are to your father - and people deal with grief in different ways. I think that, with this kind of emotion, the best thing you can do is to accept that it is happening, accept that it is normal and appropriate, and to confront it (rather than suppressing your feelings). It makes total sense that you would need to talk to others about this and seek some kind of help or guidance. There's no shame in that at all.
    FingerDub likes this.
  9. FingerDub likes this.
  10. Funky Ghost

    Funky Ghost Translucently Groovy

    Losing someone is never easy. I can tell you it does get better, and not.

    For me, I've seemed to remember the good and the humorous with more emotion and verve than the bad. You wont forget their face ( at least I haven't forgot my brothers in 28 years now - he passed when he was 20. Forever young. ) Allow yourself to grieve. Let the tears come and talk about it to those who will listen. Eventually you'll make your peace with them and it.

    As the lyrics go,

    Time is the teacher and love is the healer.
    fhm555 likes this.
  11. TrevorR


    Oct 3, 2015
    Near London, UK
    So sorry to hear of your loss. There is no right way to grieve, there is only the way you need to. So take the time to grieve that you need. Like others have said, when you need comfort and support seek out those you know can give it but will just let you be you.

    Like pcake said the rawness will lessen over time. The scars may still be there buy the constant aching pain will have subsided and they will become one more facet of who you are and your life.
    FingerDub likes this.
  12. MordBass


    Nov 1, 2017
    First off, Im really sorry to hear about your loss. Sucks that these things happen in life.

    So here's my background for this sort of thing.. I always had depression issues starting when I was in highschool and they slowly got worse over time. When I was 24 I had my first panic attack, at work. Didnt know what it was so I sprinted to my car, drove home, didnt leave for two weeks. Got prescribed pills, didnt like em... a few years later I had a terrible breakup after the girl that had been living with me for 3 years was cheating on my with a close fried. I spent the next three months waking up every morning vomiting from anxiety and sorrow. This point was the worst I had ever been so something had to change.
    After tons of research I found that exercise worked best for me. Clean eating, drinking enough water, and starting every morning with a good workout. I would wake up, for myself to smile for my entire shower. Yes, literally make a big goofy smiley face the whole time. Then I was off to the gym. Id hit a treadmill for 15 minutes followed by an hour of lifting, then some much needed sauna time followed by a hot shower. It seriously saved my life.
    I know that grief and anxiety arent the same but theyre in the same family for sure. Talk about your feelings with people as often as you can bring yourself to. Make your body a temple and your brain will follow.
    Stumbo and FingerDub like this.
  13. SoonerBill

    SoonerBill Supporting Member

    Aug 27, 2017
    It’s good that you realize you need help. Find someone, a friend(s) or a professional or someone. But work it out now not later. I have a very good long time friend and coworker that lost both parents within a couple months of each other about 15 years ago. One day at work about 5 years ago we found him literally curled up in a ball in a parts storage room. He had a breakdown because he kept all the grief bottled up for all those years when he should have let it out. He’s fine now but it took quite a bit of counseling.
    FingerDub likes this.
  14. FingerDub

    FingerDub Banned

    Jan 8, 2016
    Thanks everyone. Not sure what I'll do yet but I am going to take action in some way or another.
    bass12 and MordBass like this.
  15. FingerDub

    FingerDub Banned

    Jan 8, 2016
    I know exercise can play a big part right now. All I want to do is lie in bed.
    MordBass likes this.
  16. turbo2256b


    Jan 4, 2011
    My condolences. Been there with both my parents.
    All I could do is remember them and know their in a better place.
    FingerDub likes this.
  17. Stumbo

    Stumbo Wherever you go, there you are. Supporting Member Commercial User

    Feb 11, 2008
    Song Surgeon slow downer. https://tinyurl.com/y5dcuqjg
    Sorry for your loss.
    +1 to what everyone else posted.

    IME, Be sure to keep your health up: drink water, take your vitamins, get some sun, take walks, eat.

    Poor sleep can be associated with depression and other health issues.

    I suggest Seeking counseling and treatment sooner than later.

    My condolences.

    Where's Joe Nerve when you need him?
    blastoff99 and MordBass like this.
  18. jthisdell

    jthisdell Supporting Member

    Jun 12, 2014
    Roanoke, VA
    Sorry for your loss, losing your Parents is normally a part of one's life but that does not make it any better or easier.

    I thing a son losing a father can be very hard as your whole view of the world can change.

    I lost my Dad 8 years ago when he was 86. He had been suffering with Parkinson's and the dementia that can accompany it for years. When I got the news my first thought was "Dad's gone and that is alright" because he was suffering with the dementia so bad. Then I beat myself up for thinking that for several months. Then I came back to realize that it was OK, still hurts a little but it is OK. And having it around the Holidays certainly does not make it any easier.

    It does help to talk about it, a friend, spouse, Clergy, anyone who can listen and just affirm that your grief is real and not be dismissive.

    Best of wishes.
    FingerDub likes this.
  19. MordBass


    Nov 1, 2017
    Thats how I felt too. The hardest part of the day was getting out of bed but I found that it was easier if I got up immediately after waking. Then immediately into the shower and heading out the door. The 5 minutes of lingering on the foot of the bed or laying down and browsing social media are what would anchor me to the house.
    FingerDub likes this.
  20. FingerDub

    FingerDub Banned

    Jan 8, 2016
    My dad also had Parkinson's and cancer.
    jthisdell likes this.

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