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Dear Abby...

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by secretdonkey, Feb 28, 2003.

  1. secretdonkey


    Oct 9, 2002
    Austin, TX
    Dear Abby,

    I need some advice. I know you usually answer only one question at a time in your column, but I'm hoping that you're feeling particularly generous today and will answer two.

    There's a band I'd really like to play with, and I happen to know that their bassist is running into some real scheduling conflicts. I also know that the guitarist in my current band, who is also a decent bassist (teaches guitar and bass) is filling in for a couple of upcoming gigs. I spoke with the bassist the other day, who suggested that I might think about taking the job permanently. I made my intentions known that I'd like the position, and the bandleader told me he wished he'd known about my availability before they took my guitarist on. Anyway, my guitarist views this as an opportunity to make a little cash, whereas I view it as an opportunity to upgrade to a much better band. I had a conversation with my guitarist about it, so everything would be 'up front' in a potentially sticky situation. I told him I wanted the job but that I wouldn't dream of swiping it from him - the honest truth, btw. I don't think he fully realizes, however, that I would take that job in a heartbeat and make our current band a side project at best. I feel like I have to either be less-than-upfront about my intentions, or I have to be brutally honest in a way that would cut his ego pretty deeply (the band is moving in a direction where he's singing more and working on his originals - bad move, IMO, though he thinks exactly the opposite). What should I do, Abby?

    And if that weren't the only moral crisis on my hand at the moment... There's tonight's pick up blues gig. Got the call Tuesday and rehearsed once Tuesday. I got the impression that they wanted to get together again before tonight (Friday), but no one ever specifically asked me if I could meet again. I let these inferences slide because my schedule was full and wouldn't permit me to rehearse again, anyway. Anyway I get a call Thursday night from the guy who's putting this together. I'm sitting in a restaurant with out-of-town relatives, per my prior commitments. "Didn't we talk about rehearsing tonight?" "No, we didn't" I answer in perfect honesty. So what does the organizer do ( he's not technically the bandleader, btw)? He tells the bandleader that my truck broke down on the way to rehearsal and that's why I didn't show. Sheesh - of all the crummy "dog ate my homework" excuses. My conscious is clean about the Thursday rehearsal - but now I have to choose between playing along with the really cheesy lie (perhaps he thought it the easiest way to smooth things over) or telling the bandleader the truth, which would make the organizer guy look bad. To muddy the water even more, if I choose to be honest with the bandleader, it furthers my desire to get future jobs with the band without the organizer guy in the picture - not a pure motivation. What do I do in this situation?

    Those are some tough moral dilemmas for a simple bassist like me. Please help!

    - Confused in TX
  2. As far as question #1 goes, you have to decide that for yourself. What's more important, the guitarist's ego or your future?

    As for question #2 - I would stongly advise you (or anyone else) never to go along with a lie someone else tells about you, however small it is. If this *organizer guy* can't organize a simple rehersal, he shouldn't be an organizer. DO NOT be afraid to step on toes, that's just what this guy is doing to you right now. What if the next time he tells the band leader you didn't show up because you were drunk?

    If you let people walk all over you they will.

    If you show people you dot every I and cross every T they'll think twice before messing with you. Don't ever let people put words in your mouth. Tell your story.

    If you don't get small things straight right off the bat, when it comes to money YOU are going to get the shaft.

    THE WORLD: It can be a dishonest place. Especially in business.

    Mike Abby :D ;)
  3. john turner

    john turner You don't want to do that. Trust me. Staff Member

    Mar 14, 2000
    atlanta ga
    be honest, be straight forward, and grab whatever you can that comes in your reach.

    life's too short and too complicated as it is to play any kind of games.
  4. secretdonkey


    Oct 9, 2002
    Austin, TX
    Good advice from both of you - thanks. My wife, who helps me keep my moral compass pointing straight, advised me against taking the route in each case that was likely to hurt people's feelings (she knows both of these folks). I think that this is one of the rare times that I should go against her advice, and speak the truth even if it leaves a mark.

    Thanks again. :)
  5. hmmm...my names not abby.

    actually i have no idea what you should do, sorry

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