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DID I DO THE RIGHT THING (LEAVING MY BAND)?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by tonynoriega, Jul 22, 2005.


  1. tonynoriega

    tonynoriega Supporting Member

    Jun 26, 2004
    Tampa, Florida
    I've been in the same band for over a year - a decent band that played about 3 weekends a month - and have always resented the fact that the drummer won't practice on her own time and consequently plays inapproriate drum beats and misses cues, etc. I would spend hours perfecting a bass part and because she didn't know her part I was 'all dressed up with no place to go' so to speak. She also slows down when she does fill in vocals. A few days ago I got the courage to confront her with it, and I sent an email with my complaints, tactfully stated, and asked her if we could talk it over during a rehearsal. As a result she blew up and told me I was jealous and trying to break up the band and that she didn't 'need this crap.'

    That left me facing the fact that not only would she improve on the issues I tried to discuss, but she didn't want to talk about them either.

    I left the band that afternoon. Did I do wrong? I'd appreciate your input.

    Thanks - Tony in Tampa
     
  2. kjones

    kjones Supporting Member

    Dec 4, 2004
    Maryland
    Tony, you obviously did the right thing. When there are different levels of commitment in a band, that can only lead to hard feelings. First, everyone should come to rehearsals pretty much ready to play their parts. Of course, there will be some changes while the different parts are put together, but you should know the song when you sit down. That's why you practice at home.

    Go out and find people with the same level of commitment as yourself, and then you guys can fight about other things, like the split of the money you're making.

    The only thing that can adjust this answer is if your drummer was hot. In that case, she gets more latitude about her level of preparation.
     
  3. baba

    baba Supporting Member

    Jan 22, 2002
    3rd stone from the sun
    You did the right thing. No time for (1) lame drummers, and (2) people who can't communicate. Life is too short, especially for the latter.
     
  4. Unfortunatly some people just refuse to take constructive critisism... It sucks really but there is nothing really you can do about it. I think good on you for speaking up, but you probably shouldnt have left the band unless it was her band. Perhaps you could have voiced your opinions with the other players, and get them to say "hey, he's right you know".

    She may think your jelious, but she will be the one that won't improve herself, and eventually be stuck doing the same thing weekend in, weekend out. I'm sure it wont take the other band members to realize this... May have caught her at the worst time of the month too, tough break.
     
  5. The Nanny

    The Nanny

    Dec 23, 2004
    Ottawa, Canada
    emailing complaints is never a good idea. There is SO much that is misinterpreted in that medium. You should have talked to her directly, perhaps taking her out for a coffee. By putting your complaints in an email, she was likely blindsided and no kidding she reacted strongly. I'm not saying your leaving wasn't a good decision...maybe it was coming to that anyways...but by emailing rather that discussing through FACEWARE, you almost guaranteed a strong, negative reaction from her. Perhaps that is what you wanted...did you want to criticize or solve the problem? Email will not solve the problem when it comes to complex band dynamics.
     
  6. I agree. If you people cannot talk to each other about issues, music or personalities, or how you want your band to end up - you are going wrong!

    My band - we are three good mates, we love each other as people and as players, we give and take. The result? We make good music because we CARE.

    Just my template for a good working band....
     
  7. pointbass

    pointbass Semi-Retired Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Nov 4, 2004
    Acworth, GA
    Endorsing Artist: FBB Bass Works
    I would have left the band 5 seconds after the 2nd time the drummer dropped the tempo (ya gotta give 'em a break the 1st time, but after that ....)

    Bassists do not need to play with drummers that have bad time ..... drummers don't need to play with bassists with bad time either. The primary job of both bass and drums is time & groove

    You did the right thing, but it should have been in person ;)
     
  8. tonynoriega

    tonynoriega Supporting Member

    Jun 26, 2004
    Tampa, Florida
    Thanks for your input guys........and you're not the first ones that have told me that emailing, rather than a face to face meeting, was a bad idea, and I now realize that. I can take a lesson from that part of the ordeal and I will.

    I came in to the band a year ago and they were well established with the drummer in place at that time. Every one of the people in the band are extremely decent individuals, including the drummer, and have always treated me (and each other) with consideration and dignity. I did copy the two people that lead the band with my email to the drummer so there wouldn't be any "behind her back" implications involved.

    I've played with some drummers that I really groove with and that's what I will hope to hook up in the future.

    I still welcome more input and opinions.

    Thanks again, Tony Noriega, Tampa
     
  9. xshawnxearthx

    xshawnxearthx

    Aug 23, 2004
    new jersey
    drummers suck
    girl drummers are even worse
    drummers who cant keep time are just retarded,

    if it wasnt for the fact that my drummer tries to make **** perfect, i would have left too because i dont like his attitude.
     
  10. rllefebv

    rllefebv

    Oct 17, 2000
    Newberg, Oregon
    Hey, just like playing bass, communication takes practice and learning from mistakes. You are definitely on the right track!

    Personally, when I learn this kind of life lesson, I make it a point to let the affected person know that I made a mistake and am trying to learn from it. Oftentimes, both parties are painted into an emotional corner, and I have found that more often than not if I make the first overture, (even if my original intentions were entirely correct), the issue can be resolved and the relationship emerge stronger than before. Until the next time, that is... :)

    Seriously, you can only control your side of any interaction... Basically what you say, and how you react to the response. Trying to control someone else can be like herding cats!

    That will be 2 cents please...

    -robert
     
  11. tonynoriega

    tonynoriega Supporting Member

    Jun 26, 2004
    Tampa, Florida
    Robert:

    Hey, just like playing bass, communication takes practice and learning from mistakes. You are definitely on the right track!

    Personally, when I learn this kind of life lesson, I make it a point to let the affected person know that I made a mistake and am trying to learn from it. Oftentimes, both parties are painted into an emotional corner, and I have found that more often than not if I make the first overture, (even if my original intentions were entirely correct), the issue can be resolved and the relationship emerge stronger than before. Until the next time, that is...

    Seriously, you can only control your side of any interaction... Basically what you say, and how you react to the response. Trying to control someone else can be like herding cats!

    That will be 2 cents please...

    -robert

    You speak words of wisdom!! What I did (after leaving the band) was email Brenda and tell her that I have only had good personal experiences with her - and that our differences are professional - and that, if I hurt her feelings I apologize. I didn't get a response but I hope she accepted. Thanks guys!!
     
  12. KeithPas

    KeithPas

    May 16, 2000
    Poulsbo,Wa
    How did the other band members feel about the drummers lackluster performances and lack of commitment? A lousy drummer affects more than just the bass player. If the other band members were supportive of you I would stay in the band and fire the drummer immediately and I would word it like this," you either suck, or you are not practicing the material, both are unacceptable and you are fired".
    If the band members did not support your position then you did the right thing.
     
  13. tonynoriega

    tonynoriega Supporting Member

    Jun 26, 2004
    Tampa, Florida
    The other guys didn't seemed bothered by her lesser level of commitment to a large degree, although there were times when the lead guitarist seemed annoyed that he had to remind her of how a song went so as to get it started.

    Another issue is that she contributed more to the band than I, in that she sings and I don't.
     
  14. daofktr

    daofktr irritating, yet surly

    Feb 15, 2005
    aurora, IN
    does she sing as poorly as she drums?
    if so, they like watching her mams more than they like making decent music.
    you did the right thing.