Did I overreact?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by G On Bass, Feb 24, 2021.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

    MYLOWFREQ Supporting Member

    May 13, 2011
    Obviously that person is immature, and there's not much you can do about it. IMHO, the other band members (especially the one who brought him in) should tell him that he's being childish, but whatever. Family comes first, and you did the right thing.
    Mr_Moo and dkelley like this.
  2. MWKurt


    Feb 7, 2018
    You could have taken the proper precautions that seem to be the accepted prerequisite for gathering...wear a mask or two and stay 6 feet away from everyone. Take some hand sanitizer with you as well.
    JeezyMcNuggles likes this.
  3. Rob1957


    Dec 3, 2020
    Family and safety come first in my book. Especially with a family member who is just recovering from the virus
    Mr_Moo and dkelley like this.
  4. AceOfBassFace


    Jun 23, 2019
    You're lucky! Consider though that what you said here could have been "We never stopped practicing indoors. No masks. Now we all have covid and the drummer is dead". You know, depending on your health, where you live etc.
    Mr_Moo, dkelley, GregC and 8 others like this.
  5. rashrader


    Mar 4, 2004
    Baltimore, MD
    There will always be some strain of Coronavirus making the rounds and you will constantly be taking an immunological risk by spending time with others. This is never going to change.
  6. bolophonic


    Dec 10, 2009
    Durham, NC
    An indoor rehearsal with a non-masker is a total no-go for me. I honestly would never get 6 feet from one of those under any circumstances if possible.
    Mr_Moo, dkelley, GregC and 4 others like this.
  7. SLPimp

    SLPimp An Injury to One is an Injury to All Suspended Supporting Member

    Sep 27, 2020
    Santa Fe, New Mexico
    Right move. I turned down even auditioning for bands that wanted to go now and said they wouldn't get the vaccine. My wife has MS and I have a baby. I got over staph in September 2020, and can tell you viral respiratory infections are awful.
    Mr_Moo, GregC, Jaymo and 1 other person like this.
  8. dalkowski

    dalkowski Supporting Member

    May 20, 2009
    Massachusetts USofA
    All I needed to read to know that you 100% did the right thing. Stay well and best to yours.
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2021
    Mr_Moo, GregC, Jaymo and 3 others like this.
  9. 2playbass

    2playbass Supporting Member

    Aug 12, 2013
    Would this guy be complaining if he had to move his gear for a gig? COVID or not, if the guy really is completely inflexible, I wouldn't want to be in a band with him either. The COVID situation just amplifies peoples' jerkiness. I'd rather stay healthy and live to play another day. Would I want to risk my health and livelihood (ie. my day job) for a hobby that probably costs me money every year? Not a chance. I think you did the right thing.
    Mr_Moo, GregC and DirtDog like this.
  10. How about everybody chip in and offer to move his gear, or if that’s objectionable, rent or borrow suitable gear for him. BTW, is this guy indispensable? Sounds like he’s the one that has issues.

    As for you over reacting, having lost a brother to Covid-19 shortly before Christmas, you are in no way overreacting. You are exercising good sound judgement with the facts presented.
    Koshchei and SLPimp like this.
  11. Killing Floor

    Killing Floor Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2020
    Austin, TX
    Both right.

    You did the right move for yourself and family. You have been impacted and this is close to home.
    They did the right thing in choosing to try to continue playing. Do not expect their desire to play should cease.
    You both did the right thing by agreeing to split amicably and not standing in each other's way.

    Both sides have merit and both sides have consequences. I think that is worth clarifying. Musicians and athletes and employees and students who opt out are making the best decision for themselves and families. But when this is finally over the consequences of those decisions may linger on. So just as you can't be expected incur undue risk, you can't expect others to assume risk. And you might both define risk differently.

    If you quit a band that is your decision. If they choose not to engage with you later that is their decision.

    We all want this to be over. We all want to play and go on vacations and drink margaritas in those fishbowl glasses (just me?). We all want schools to open. We all want to be able to watch the Falcons tank in person. But the reality is this happens over a longer timeline that any of us want. There will be musicians on the verge of greatness in 2020 who will not get that SXSW slot again. There will be high school athletes who won't get recruited because their senior seasons didn't happen. We're all in this together and next time someone tells me we're all in this together in my mind I will be beating them with a baseball bat. Just saying. Hang in there. Make the best choices for yourself because the choices that are made for you are not always the best.
    TWolf and EddiePlaysBass like this.
  12. BBQisgood


    Feb 24, 2016

    No overreaction at all.

    Source: am doctor, and COVID sucks.
    Mr_Moo, GregC, Pulverizor and 4 others like this.
  13. Skullheadrac

    Skullheadrac Supporting Member

    Jun 13, 2018
    So Cal
    I haven't worn a mask since day one unless walking into a store which requires it (or when i flew cross country late last year).
    I've been having band rehearsals indoors (no masks). I went to some indoor gigs also over the past year.
    Hell, i was apart of riot control here in LA when that all kicked off. They stacked us in the LA convention center on top of each other LOL.
    (i only bring that stuff up to give a quick insight in my situation, as everyone has had a vastly different situation over the past year, directly affecting their viewpoint of covid)

    That being said, what you do and precautions/risks you take is on you.
    I don't think one decision outweighs the other when it comes between you and the member who doesn't want to rehearse outdoors.
    TWolf, Pulverizor, ajkula66 and 2 others like this.
  14. Killing Floor

    Killing Floor Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2020
    Austin, TX
    This is TalkBass so the first place we all go is "the drummer is dead"! Do the drummers talk about us that way?
    Jaymo and Peteyboy like this.
  15. My apologies if this appears as harsh but my background in philosophy makes me see things quite differently than others at times.
    Glad to hear your family members health is improving.

    The key word here is Reaction.
    Over/under is irrelevant. It is reaction that got you to this point.
    Reaction and Thinking are two qualitatively different modes of consciousness.

    You mentioned the BS excuse guy only told one person. How, then, did you come to the conclusion his BS excuse was related to the movement of gear if "he won't say it"?
    Did someone actually reveal this to you or is it an assumption?
    Secret alliances within any band are a serious issue. Just like assumptions, they can be the seeds of destruction.
    Were the band aware of your COVID19 experiences?
    These things point to it being more than just "all because one member won't...." It points to a collective issue. More importantly, an issue of openness and communication.

    If only you could have considered the amount of effort you and the others have put into the band, discussed all the possibilities and options BEFORE reacting to the BS then the outcome may have been vastly different.
    For example, you could've held off rehearsal or insisted on the band being tested and proof of testing results for COVID19 and compulsory masks and gloves for the indoors rehearsal.
    Perhaps an online audition? Not sure how practical that could be but it's just an example of options.

    So, given your recent experience, I can fully understand your concerns with health and COVID19.
    However, I do believe that emotions have dictated your thought process in this case which has forced you into reacting instead of taking a different approach that could have had a vastly different outcome.
    It often helps to take a step back and sleep on a problem before committing to anything. Seemingly big problems can often become small problems the next morning.
    TWolf, Pulverizor and birminghambass like this.
  16. And on the flip side, my former drummer's band decided to continue practicing, indoors, no masks...and the entire band came down with COVID. He was completely laid out for 3 weeks, lost his brand new job he had just started because he had only been "on the job" for 2 days before he had to take 3 weeks off, so they just cut him loose.

    You win some, you lose some. But the house always wins.

    To the OP, I wouldn't have done it either. Your family member is more important than a band, I don't care how good the band is or how "close to breaking big" you are.
  17. mambo4


    Jun 9, 2006
    There are plenty of stupid reasons to leave a band. Health concerns is not one.
    Mr_Moo, dkelley, GregC and 4 others like this.
  18. buldog5151bass

    buldog5151bass Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.

    Oct 22, 2003
    You made the right move for you, especially in light of your family situation. I am in a band that meets indoors. Everyone wears masks, and if anyone feels sick, is exposed, etc., we put off rehearsals. I'm also in New England, where rehearsal indoors isn't an option. But if the option is there, they are silly to not use it.
  19. JimmyM


    Apr 11, 2005
    Apopka, FL
    Endorsing: Yamaha, Ampeg, Line 6, EMG
    I'm pretty much with you, too. Knowing people who have/had Covid and talking to them, it can be pretty damn heartbreaking, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
    dkelley likes this.
  20. Lava

    Lava Supporting Member

    Jul 14, 2014
    El Paso, TX
    You have to go with your gut. It seems like you went with your gut feeling and that's best for you. I totally applaud your decision.
  21. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

    Here are some related products that TB members are talking about. Clicking on a product will take you to TB’s partner, Primary, where you can find links to TB discussions about these products.

    Aug 4, 2021

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.