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Do you find it hard to tolerate any band BS the older you get?

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by jsbachonbass, Feb 18, 2016.


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  1. jsbachonbass

    jsbachonbass

    May 16, 2006
    Denton, TX
    At 45 years old, I am finding it harder and harder to find a band to play with because I can't handle any kind of BS. For the last 20 years, I have made mental notes of things would not tolerate from the next band I was in (bad drummers, lazy attitudes,lack of communication,etc).

    I just recently tried to get back into playing with a band after a 4 year break due to medical problems. Found a band in my town looking to start a 90's country cover project, and I thought it would be something easy to help me get back into gigging. First meeting was with just the guitar player, and it went well. We set up a rehearsal for the following Sunday evening with him and the female singer, but that got cancelled at the last minute(Sunday afternoon) because female singer had went out of town for the weekend. He offered to reschedule, so I said yes since all the songs I was given to learn were hers.. I texted him back the following Sunday when I hadn't heard anything, and got no response. Another week went by, so i sent another text asking if the project was still on. Again, no response. 2 more weeks go by, and after wondering if I had somehow did something to offend him, I finally get a message this past Sunday that he had finally found drummer and wanted to rehearse this coming Saturday.

    I knew going into the project that not all the members were in place yet, and I was ok with it. I am not the type to give or need instantaneous responses, because I understand that family and work usually comes first, but I just don't think I should have waited 4 weeks for him to tell me something simple like still looking for a drummer. That is a big warning flag of thing to come. Part of me wanted to just not respond at all, but I sent him a text tonight saying I have moved on to a different project since I hadn't heard back from him in 4 weeks. "Different project" meaning I would rather practice alone.

    Do any of you older musicians feel the same way?
     
    MEKer, Phud, Oddly and 32 others like this.
  2. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    Yes! Good for you!

    Man, lots of musicians are FLAKES! It burns me up too.

    Yes, music is fun and artistic. I get it. But, dang it! Please just have a little bit of common sense and responsibility about running a band.

    I'm right there with you. No, I'm not old (44). But I'm too old for that crap.
    :thumbsup:
     
  3. As I age I find that I have less than zero tolerance for B.S., period, not just in a band setting.

    If they screw around from the outset, when most would be trying to put their best foot forward, it will clearly only get worse.

    I believe you did the right thing.
     
    rtav, Conkal, LowFish and 16 others like this.
  4. I am definitely too old for band BS, but I was already unwilling to put up with flakiness more than 10 years ago.
    IMHO, you should have called him, not texted, and you might have gotten to the conclusion you have sooner.
     
  5. RoadRanger

    RoadRanger Supporting Member

    Feb 18, 2004
    NE CT
    Oy vey - just had to fire a couple projects for bad communications myself.
     
    Jimmy4string and two fingers like this.
  6. sm49341

    sm49341

    May 12, 2013
    Michigan
    I find the over-playing from band mates more and more intolerable. I mean really, act like you been here before.
     
    mech, hover, GregT and 1 other person like this.
  7. jsbachonbass

    jsbachonbass

    May 16, 2006
    Denton, TX
    I didn't even make it to the overplaying level of BS, the drummer level of BS, or the female singer level of BS.

    Too be honest, I was already irked when he had known about the female singer being out of town all weekend, but didn't tell me the afternoon before rehearsal, AFTER I had already postponed some family projects to learn her songs.
     
    Charlzm, Murdoc_420 and two fingers like this.
  8. DWBass

    DWBass The Funkfather

    Yes. I'm pretty damn close to calling it a day!
     
  9. Gravedigger Dav

    Gravedigger Dav Supporting Member

    Mar 13, 2014
    Fort Worth, Texas
    My dad had a saying I've always liked, "The main problem with organizations is they have people in them."
    It isn't just bands, although we artistic types seem to be worse. Every group of people has this problem. Some people are just worse than others. I can't remember the song, but there was a Steely Dan tune about a woman who's life is one big emergency. Avoid those types.
    So, I just deal with it, up to a point. I look more at the overall picture than a single incident. In this case, I would give him pass until the entire group gets together for a rehearsal, then evaluate whether the reward is worth the hassle and how much hassle there is likely to be.
     
    jfh2112, wmmj, Charlzm and 3 others like this.
  10. GKon

    GKon Supporting Member, Boom-Chicka-Boom

    Feb 17, 2013
    Queens, NY
    I'm in the same boat. As I get older, I have less capacity to want to deal with people's B.S.
    Also, due to experience, it's easier to spot red flags much sooner and to make a decision as to
    how to deal with them much sooner.

    On the flip side, I'm definitely trying not to turn into a crotchety curmudgeon. ;)
     
  11. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
    My BS detectors have become a lot more more keen over time. On one hand I've become more tolerant and accepting of things that used to bother me, on the other I've learned to walk as you did when I know I'm in a bad situation that's only going to get worse.

    Playing in multiple bands helps me a lot with this kind of thing. There's a comforting feeling of not having all my eggs in one basket. And if I really like a band, if it pays well, or is doing great shows I'll be a lot more accepting. I just started a Deep Purple tribute. It took me 2 months to get a date together for the first rehearsal. We won't be able to have a 2nd rehearsal until the end of March. In some situations I'd say this is a definite no go. In this situation, every player was top notch and the first rehearsal could have just as well been a performance. Everybody did their homework (2 months worth), and we nailed 6 songs in 2 hours with just a few hiccups. If we were train wrecking all over the place, the first rehearsal would have been the last.

    There are so many variables that go into creating a good/bad band experience. One person's BS might just roll off another person's back, and then the fact that it's BS for the first person becomes the BS for the rest of the band :). I think the important thing for all of us to know is where we draw our line in the sand.
     
  12. pcake

    pcake Supporting Member

    Sep 20, 2011
    Los Angeleez
    i'm 58 now, but i never had the patience to deal with what you're describing above. i put stuff like that in the "life is too short" category and move on at the first hint, which actually i've been lucky enough to rarely have run into.
     
  13. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Sep 7, 2006
    Blimp City USA
    Say it brother!!!!! Heck yes my skin is much thinner with bands and bandmates than in the past. I'm sick of other people problems and issues. Don't bring me your problems and I wont bring you mine.
     
    Jimmy4string, Rapisme and two fingers like this.
  14. alembicguy

    alembicguy I operate the worlds largest heavey equipment Supporting Member

    Jan 28, 2007
    Minnesota
    Not much winds me up anymore. I usually just walk away. Too many buttholes in the world and not enough toilet paper to cover it.
     
  15. sotua

    sotua

    Sep 20, 2004
    SF Bay Area
    Yes.

    Now get off my lawn!
     
    pcake, Spectrum, mattbass6945 and 2 others like this.
  16. TripleDouble

    TripleDouble Guest

    Aug 5, 2008
    With age comes wisdom, less patience for "vocalists", and a new enthusiasm for yelling at inanimate objects.
     
    DirtDog, Berniez40, jmattis and 2 others like this.
  17. two fingers

    two fingers Opinionated blowhard. But not mad about it. Gold Supporting Member

    Feb 7, 2005
    Eastern NC USA
    These are my people! I agree with pretty much every word on this page.

    We may need a club. I'll leave that to you OP. Just don't expect me to show up to any meetings for all the reasons listed above. :cool:
     
  18. MCS4

    MCS4

    Sep 26, 2012
    Fort Lauderdale, FL
    Life's too short for crappy bands. I'd rather go without a main gig for a while and keep looking for one where the music is great and the players are professional.
     
  19. Nev375

    Nev375

    Nov 2, 2010
    Missouri
    Did ya finally give away your last rat's ass?
     
  20. My BS meter is a finely tuned instrument. It saves me a lot of aggravation and can be used in many situations.

    Take a walk, there are many other opportunities out there.
     
    Kmonk likes this.

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